


Falling for you

by Winchester_destiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Abusive John Winchester, Abusive Lucifer (Supernatural), Abusive Parents, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Anxiety, Bullying, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, College Student Castiel, College Student Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Depressed Castiel (Supernatural), Destiel - Freeform, Drunk John Winchester, Fear, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Gay Dean Winchester, Graphic Violence, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Human Castiel, Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Abuse, Multi, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Panicking Castiel, Physical Abuse, Protective Dean Winchester, Sad Castiel, Scars, Self-Harm, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2019-09-07 12:55:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 59,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16854355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winchester_destiel/pseuds/Winchester_destiel
Summary: This story revolves around the Castiel Novak who has a crush on one of his fellow students, Dean Winchester. He knows that he doesn’t have a chance but as cate would have ot, a coffee can change their lives forever...





	1. Coffee?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever Fanfiction. I really love Destiel and after reading so many great works, I wanted to  
> write one on my own. I dont knwo how often I'll upload but I'll try my best.  
> Winchester_destiel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The coffee on Castiels table has more to offer than he thinks...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever fanfic and I knoe its short but its just a test so please don't be too mean in the comments.  
> Winchester_destiel

It was his first week at Kansan University and Castiel Novak had already a crush on the new guy. Castiel was a smart guy, with beautiful blue eyes and dark hair. He was never an outgoing person and the fact that he used to be bullied in school because of his sexuality, didn't help either. He never had many friends. His only friend was Anna Milton. She was a nice girl, with long red hair. Anna was the only one who knew about Castiel's secret and he would like it to stay that way. 

Castiel was walking to his first class at University. The class was called _creative writing_ , which Castiel already loved since he wanted to become an author one day. On his way his eyes looked over the beautiful campus. The big University building the trees that were covering half the ground and the hundreds of students chatting and laughing. His gaze stopped at one guy. He was tall, with wide shoulders, with dirty-blonde hair and freckles, which were only highlighting his eyes. Those beautiful jade green eyes Castiel could stare into forever. After what felt like ages, he pulled his gaze from the beautiful guy, mostly to not look like a creep.

When he entered the classroom, it was packed with students sitting on tables and chairs, talking to each other. Anna wasn't in his class, which forced his to sit alone. The lesson passed quickly, as they learned about some of the greatest writers in history. The rest of the day went by quickly and after school, he decided to go to the coffeshop across the library, get a coffee and then study in the library, since he had already two assignments which were due this Friday. He ordered a cappuccino and made his way to the library.

The library was pretty empty but he still chose a table at the back. He laid all his stuff at the table, plugged his headphones in and started researching for his essay in history. Hours passed without Castiel noticing it and when he finally looked at his phone, it was almost 5pm. He had finished most of his work by that time and since he had nothing else to do, he decided to go buy some things he still needed for university. When he grabbed his coffee, he noticed that it was full again, which was weird since Cas remembered it being empty. When he turned it around he found a number on it with the name _Dean_ written underneath it. He looked up and to his surprise he saw the cute guy from campus smiling at him. This couldn't be happening. This had to be a joke. Castiel looked around and was expecting someone filming his reaction to put it online. But there was no one except for the attractive stranger sitting only a table away from him.

Castiel looked down again and tried to focus. he felt a hot blush creeping up his face. He threw his books into his bag and stood up. He wanted to storm out of the room but he thought that he wouldn't make a fool out of himself, in case someone was really filming it. He had to balance his phone, some books that were too big for his bag and the coffee in his hand because in the other he was holding his jacket. He almost spilled the coffee but he catched it in time.

Outside he was hit by the fresh air, which he appreciated. His whole face was red by now and he barely made t to his car before dropping his backpack on the passenger’s seat and collapsing into his own. Castiel didn't start the motor; he just sat there trying to figure out what had happened. He laid everything out in chronological order. He went to the library after buying a coffee, then he sat at a table and started doing research for his essay, he lost track of time, when he decided to go home his coffee had been replaced by another, which had the number of the cute guy from college on it, and then he left as soon as possible. He wasn't sure what to do, so he changed his plans and drove to Anna's.

He told her everything that had happened and when he finished she said "you have to send him a message"

"do I? What if it's just a prank and I am going to make a fool out of myself"

„You won't" Anna assured him. „You haven't stopped talking to me about him since you first saw him on your first day tour" Anna replied and stretched out her legs and placed them on her coffee table.

Castiel didn't answer but instead looked around Anna's apartment. It was small with only one bedroom and bathroom. The kitchen and the living room where only separated by a counter on which she had placed some of her favorite books and some plants. The whole apartment had a cozy vibe to it and Castiel always felt like home, when he was here. He sighted. „I guess you are right but I am still not sure what to write. I don't want to be made fun of...again."

Anna took his hands and forced him to look at her „listen to me, you won't. You aren't at high school anymore. You understand. And even if you disgrace yourself, they have no proof that it was you." she said and pulled him into a tight hug. Castiel loved Anna. Not in a romantic kind of way, since he was gay, but in a best friend kind of way. They had hit it off the first day they had met at school. Anna was new in class and he expected her to bully him like everyone did but she didn't. When he had had one of his panic attacks and hid behind the schools building, she came and asked him if everything was okay. She sat with him until he had calmed himself down and he knew at that exact moment, that he never wanted to lose her.

He was taken back to reality when Anna grabbed his phone out of his hands and started typing something. „what are you doing?" Cas asked. „I am writing your hot campus guy" she replied. Castiel tried to get his phone back but she had pushed sent before he could get it. He heard the sound of the message being sent and fell back into the pillows. „what did you do? Now he is going to think that I am pathetic for falling for his trick" he said wanting to die out of shame. „Relax Cassie" she said „I just wrote hey. I don't think it’s that bad. „Anna said with a grin on her lips. 

„If this goes wrong it’s your fault" Castiel said slowly starting to calm down and even feeling a little bit exited. „Now what do you say you find a movie to watch, while I cook" Anna jumped up and was on her way to the kitchen when Cas shouted „what do you say we order Chinese. I have seen you cook and I don't want to get food poisoning after two days of school." Anna turned around and gave him her best angry face, which made Castiel start laughing because they both knew she couldn't cook and after some time of Anna trying to stay "mad" at him, her face relaxed and she threw a pillow, from one of the chairs at the counter, at him, smiling.

 

Artwork by defilerwyrm on tumblr

 


	2. Rainy day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel just wanted to go grocery shopping but he finds himself sitting at a coffee shop with Dean...

The next hours passed slowly. Castiel couldn't stop thinking about the text message. Even while he was eating with Anna, they had ordered take out, he was still thinking about that guy. He said goodbye to Anna and drove back to his apartment. When he was home he popped in one of his favorite CD's and laid one his bed. He didn't even realize that he had fallen asleep, until he woke up from the sound of a message. He thought it was probably Anna, so he didn't look at it right away and instead went to get a glass of water. 

Castiel returned to his room with a glass of water and a bag of chips. He decided to stay up late since he had no classes tomorrow. He placed the items on his desk and grabbed his phone. It almost fell out of his hand. It was Dean. He had actually sent him a text. _Hey how are you?_ were the exact words of the text. Cas just stared at the screen for a few seconds. He couldn't believe this was really happening. This guy had given him his number and now he was texting with him. Cas didn't know how to respond. Should he just write _I am fine? How are you_? Should he add a smiley and if so which one?

He started worrying about all of these things that fifteen minutes passed. He settled with _I am fine. How are you doing?_ and when he pressed send, his heart started racing. He felt like he just embarrassed himself, so Castiel went to his kitchen, his apartment had two floors but it was still pretty small, and took a beer out of his fridge. He drank halt the bottle before he calmed down. He wasn't an alcoholic, of course every alcoholic sais that, but sometimes he needed something stronger than water. He didn't like it at all, since his father was an alcoholic and had done some bad stuff to Castiel but sometimes it was his only escape. The rest of the night, he spent thinking about Dean. That man with the beautiful green eyes, the soft lips and freckles on his face. And of course, the text.

The next morning he woke up at 9am. He showered and ate breakfast. He hadn't gotten a new message and figured he had made a fool out of himself. After lunch his phone rang. It was Anna, who wanted to know if he'd gotten a response. He told her what happened and she told him not to worry that much. After they had hung up Castiel had to do a grocery run because his fridge was empty. He made a list of the things he needed and then got in his car.

The supermarket was a twenty minutes ride and normally, he would have walked but because it was raining pretty heavily, he decided to take his car. He parked his car, a 1978 Lincoln Continental Mark V., in one of the nearest parking lots to the door and entered the store. He was standing in front of the meat section, when someone tapped him on the shoulder. When he turned around he froze. It was Dean looking at him, a polite smile on his lips. Those beautiful, soft lips. "Hey". Castiel tried to concentrate and not stare at his lips and said with, what he hopped would look like a friendly smile „Hey... Dean wasn't it?" "Yes it was..." "Castiel". The man across from him was still looking pleased to see him, which Cas couldn't understand. „So Castiel what would you say we go grab a coffee „Dean said, a hopeful look in his eyes. “Yes I would like that".

They went to a coffee shop near the supermarket. Castiel ordered a Cappuccino and Dean ordered a black coffee. After they sat down at a table and a long time of silence, Dean was the first to say something. „So Castiel, I hoped I wasn't too pushy with that coffee. I don't usually do that." Cas had to take in what the man across from him just said. „No it was fine. It was kinda nice" Castiel said with a shy smile on his lips. They stared at each other for a while. „So, Castiel is an interesting name." "Yea it's an angel. Castiel is the angel of Thursday. I don't know my mom has an obsession with angels. My brothers are called Michael, Raphael, Gabriel and Lucifer. "

Dean laughed a bit at the last name. „Lucifer really? Well my brother is called Sam. He is a few years younger than me and is still in high school." and so they talked about their families, school and pretty much everything. The time passed so fast, that when they looked at the clock over the counter, it was already 5pm. Through their whole conversation, Castiel took mental notes of all the things Dean liked and disliked. They walked back to their cars, it had stopped raining, and when Castiel saw Dean car, he let out a whistle. „Is that an impala Chevy?" he asked. "Yea it's an impala Chevy 67 and it's my Baby. I wouldn't give her away for anything." Dean said. Castiel noticed how proud and happy Dean was when he talked about his car.

 "So I have to go now but if you want we can meet again. It was really nice today". "I would like that" Cas said, with a grin on his face. They stared at each other again, and Castiel saw that Dean’s eyes were gazing his lips. He tried to look calm on the outside but his heart was pounding. He didn't move though and after a few seconds he took out the keys to his impala and they said goodbye. Cas entered his own car and drove off the parking lot. Back at his apartment he left the groceries on the kitchen counter and went to take a quick shower. The water was cool against his hot skin. His heart was racing and his hands were shaking a bit. He just drank coffee with one of the most beautiful men he had ever seen and it turned out that he wasn't an asshole as Castiel thought. He was very nice and knew a lot about history and myths. _Was Castiel finally going to be happy? Was that even possible?_ He left the shower with a smile on his face.

 

art by garama


	3. Perspective change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter you learn more about Deans perspective. They also get ready for a party...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided I would write out of Dean perspective just so that you would see how he feels/ thinks. Please tell me if I should continue the change in perspective or not.  
> I added this picture because of all the stares in this chapter :)  
> Also am trying to make longer chapters but since it's my first fanfic, I havent quite figured everything out yet. I hope it's okay...

Dean was sitting in his impala, Led Zeppelins Ramble on playing out of the stereo, as he thought about that boy. The one we gave his number too and who he hoped would send him a text. When he arrived at his apartment, it was small but he loved it. He always shared a room with his brother, whom he loved, but now he could decorate it the way he wanted. He sat on his bed and tuned the TV on. He was switching channels when suddenly his phone vibrated. He looked at the screen and a number appeared on the screen. The text just said _hey_. He knew immediately that it was the guy from the library. Dean didn't respond right away since he didn't want to look desperate so he grabbed something to eat and watched his favorite show, his guilty pleasure, _Doctor Sexy_. 

It was afternoon when he responded with the words _Hey how are you?_ He waited a little time and after there was no response he went to bed. The next morning he woke up pretty early since he had class this morning. After class he went to the supermarket. He put everything he needed in his basket, which was mostly pie and some things for breakfast and dinner, and then went to the meat section go get some bacon and some ribs. When he reached the aisle, he almost walked into another customer that was grabbing something out of the refrigerator. There, at the other end of the aisle, was the guy from the library. He could have spotted him everywhere. He walked up to him and tapped his shoulder. The other man turned around and he saw that he froze. Blue eyes looked at him and for a second Dean froze too. He put on a smile “hey" Dean said. The guy didn't answer right away but after a second or two he finally spoke “Hey... Dean wasn’t it?” “Yes..." "Castiel" Dean repeated his name in his head. _Castiel_. They stared at each other for a while until Dean couldn't take it anymore. „So Castiel, what would you say we go grab a coffee". Castiel agreed and so they found themselves entering a coffee shop not far from the supermarket. Castiel ordered a cappuccino and Dean a black coffee.

When they sat at the table there was silence for some time. Dean took this time to look at the man across from him. His black hair which was a little messy, his soft lips and of course those beautiful blue eyes. Dean collected himself and finally broke the silence. “So Castiel, I hoped I wasn't too pushy with that coffee. I don't usually do that" Dean hoped that he hadn't crossed any boundaries. “No it was fine. It was kinda nice" Castiel said and Dean let out a slow, but deep breath, one he didn't know he was holding in. He asked Castiel about his name and his family. He talked about Sammy and then their conversation went on for a long time. They talked about school, family and pretty much everything. They hadn't realized how fast the time flew by and when they finally left the shop it was almost 5pm.

At the parking lot Castiel complemented Dean’s car. Dean felt himself blushing a little so he didn't look at the man across from his right after the complement. When he did, blue eyes looked at him. Dean was a little taller so he had to look down a little. They stared at each other, again, but then Dean broke off and went into his impala, after saying goodbye. Once in his car he drove off the parking lot and was on his way back to his apartment. His face was burning red and he had to open the window, in order to calm himself down.

Back at home he put the groceries away and put on some more comfortable clothes. He sat on his bed and took his laptop to do some work for university. After some time, he was thinking about Castiel. How he had told him about his brothers and his mother. Dean had noticed that he didn't say anything about his father, which was fine by Dean, since he knew how fathers could be. He thought about those eyes, the ones he could get lost in and he wouldn't care. He hoped things would work out between them. Dean had had a lot of relationships but they never worked out. It was either because of his father who would say some bad shit about him when he brought them home, or because they just wanted a fling and nothing serious. Dean had to admit he wasn't the type for long-term stuff but he would give it a try for Castiel.

***

The next days they were constantly texting and Cas was really happy. His classes were going fine and he would have his essays for the next week done before the weekend. They would meet again on Saturday, since both of them were invited to a _welcome freshmen_ party. Castiel was very excited about the party. It would be his first "date" with Dean in public. Saturday rolled by very slowly and Castiel read a whole book, 300 pages or so, till the afternoon. Anna came by his place to help him with his outfit and then they would go together because he could bring a plus one.

They were in his room, Anna on his bed, while he took out options for what he could wear. Anna dismissed all of them and after the forth outfit she stood up and went to his closet and told Castiel to go sit on the bed while she picked out an outfit. It took her only five minutes and when Cas was dressed and looked at himself in the mirror, he loved his outfit. He wore a black jeans with a plane t-shirt and a blue jacket on top. “I am so nervous about tonight" he said to Anna. "why?" she asked. He sighted. “Because it’s our first time out in public, with people from university". Anna walked up to him and took his hand. “hey, don't worry. I know it’s hard for you but you have to relax and take the risk that people will talk. Because they will, whatever you do, so don't let them drag you down." Castiel hogged her tightly. That why he loved her, she always knew how to cheer him up or at least make him feel better. They chatted for some time and then it was time to go.

When they arrived at the party, most people were already there talking to each other, Castiel's heart was racing and his hand were shaking a little. He took a deep breath and then opened the door of his car. He and Anna pushed through the crowd of student and entered the house. Inside it was again packed with students, drinking out of red plastic coups. Anna took his wrist and dragged him to the kitchen, while yelling something he didn't understand. She filled two coups with whiskey and when Castiel turned around, he froze, It was Dean entering the room and he looked gorgeous.


	4. Breaking down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After seeing something Cas could't process, he went home with some alcohol...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys that it took me so long to upload but with Christmas around it was hard to find time to write. I hope you like this chapter.

Castiel couldn't stop looking at Dean. He looked awesome in a suit. The black suits with the green tie made his eyes look even more beautiful. Castiel walked towards him and greeted him. Dean smiled when he saw Castiel and after the usual small talk, Dean took a drink and they went outside. Castiel looked around and saw Anna talking with some guy, so he followed Dean into the fresh air. Outside they sat at a bench. "So... are you here with someone?" was the first thing Dean asked. "Yea with Anna. She's just a friend though. you?" Cas asked in response. "I am alone. My roommate wanted to come but then he ditched me the last second." "That sucks" Castiel said, although he was kind of happy that Dean hadn't mentioned any girl yet. After a couple of drinks, both had taken turns in getting drinks, they were still sitting on the bench, although now Dean’s arm was resting on his shoulders.

Dean went inside to get a drink and Castiel just sat there, more alcohol in him than he wanted to admit, and looked at the stars. He was so happy with Dean. The last week was one of the best he had lived in a long, long time. After some time he went inside to look for Dean. When he entered the room and spotted him immediately. He walked towards him but froze halfway. Dean was standing at the beer-pong table and had his arm around a girl. He thought that maybe she was just a friend of his but then he saw how low Deans hand was on her back, Castiel felt like he had to throw up. Tears filled his eyes and since Anna was nowhere, he grabbed a bottle of some alcohol and left. He was walking home, drinking and thinking. How could he have been so blind? Of course Dean was only playing him. Why wouldn't he. Dean just wanted to have some fun and then laugh about Castiel with his friend. Why did he even think he could be any different from all the other " _friends_ " he had.

Castiel entered his apartment and slid down his door, after he closed it. The bottle in his hand was almost empty. He sat there, in his empty apartment, crying and shivering from all the stress he had. His heart was shattered into even more pieces now. He really believed that Dean could fix him but he was wrong. Castiel opened his eyes to a knock on the door. He hadn't realized that he had fallen asleep. He stood up and didn't even ask who it was before opening the door. Dean was standing in front of him, concern and panic in his features. Without saying a word, he took Castiel into a tight embrace. Castiel, still drunk, pushed him away and took a few steps back. "Cas..." Dean said, without moving. "Cas I am sorry. Whatever I did, I am sorry. I..." "Don't. Dean. Just go. I got it. I was just a fling for you. I get it. You can go now. Please leave me alone. „Castiel said, tears filling his beautiful, blue eyes. Dean took a step forward. "Cas I am sorry. Can we please talk about it?" Castiel, who was facing the other direction, turned around. "GO AWAY!" he screamed. His whole body was trembling by now as he walked towards his living room. Instead of leaving, Dean closed the still open door and followed Castiel. He had barely time to step aside, before the empty bottle hit the wall behind him. The bottle exploded and the glass shards fell to the floor. Dean jolted around, when something else hit the ground. An old violin was thrown at the ground and broke immediately. The broken neck was now lying a few inches away from the rest and the strings were the only thing connecting them. It was horrible.

Castiel, now visibly shaking and crying, fell on his knees and tried to fix the violin, hands shaking. Dean ran towards him, fell on his knees as well, and embraced Castiel His hand was stroking his back and he was lightly rocking him. After some time Castiel had calmed down enough that he could talk. "I am so dead. Why. Lucifer is going to be pissed and now nobody can stop him from..." Castiel said between sobs. "from doing it all again because there will be nobody who is going to believe me. There never was. I destroyed his favorite violin. My grandma had given it to him and it is the only thing he has from her. I am dead." "Nobody is going to harm you Cas. We will buy a new one." Dean said reassuring. "No you don't understand. He will know that it is a new one" Castiel continued, sobbing. „We will figure it out" Dean said hugging him a little bit tighter. „Dean..." Cas said, half asleep from exhaustion. "Yes Cas." Dean said with a soft voice. "I am sorry" "You don't have to be sorry. Everything will be fine. You'll see." "Everything will be fine" Cas repeated before drifting into a dreamless sleep.

When he woke up in the morning, Dean was still there. He was leaning against the wall, with Castiel lying on his lap. He didn't move. He just stayed there taking in this moment. He closed his eyes and when he woke up again, Dean was looking at him with those beautiful, green eyes. "rise and shine Cas" he said smiling. Cas sat up. His head was pounding and his mouth was dry. Dean stood up and helped him get up as well. They walked into the kitchen, without saying anything. Cas made coffee and took something for his headache. Dean watched him, leaning against the kitchen counter. After another five minutes of silence, Castiel couldn't take it anymore. "Look, Dean, I am sorry for what I said and did yesterday. I overreacted and got mad at you even though you did nothing wrong. I am really sorry." "Cas you don't have to apologise. I left you alone and then my drunken friend stared talking to me. She asked me if I could help her make her crush jealous and sine I know her really well I helped her. I should have said something. I am sorry. When I saw you leave with the alcohol in your hand, I knew I fucked up and I went after you but you were already gone. I asked Anna to give me your address and then I came here." Dean said, pain and regret in his eyes. Castiel came around the counter and was now standing in front of Dean. "Can I ask you something?" Cas asked. "Of course" Dean said. "What am I to you Dean because if it's just a fling I would want to know it?" Dean’s eyes filled with shock and something else, Castiel couldn't make out. "Cas you are special to me. I have never felt something so strong for someone I just met. I can't stop thinking about you. I need you Cas but I want to take things slow. Get to know you better. I don't want to rush it." Castiel was just staring at him. He couldn't believe what Dean just said. He never thought anyone would ever say something like this to him. Ever. A smile spread across his face. „Yea I would like that. I would want to get to know you too. We could do stuff like going to the movies or for a coffee. Just basic stuff." he said with a soft voice. Dean nodded.

The rest of the morning they spend together, talking and watching movies. Castiel was happy and grateful that Dean didn't bring up his breakdown or the violin again, although he knew he had to talk to him about it eventually. After Dean left, he cleaned his apartment and put the broken violin in a box so that he could bring it to a store to fix it. He called Anna, after missing eleven of her calls. Apparently she had met a guy who turned out to be exactly what she was looking for. His name was Crowley and she really liked him. he told her what had happened between him and Dean. She said that she is very happy that Castiel's life is going so well. The rest of the day, he spent texting with Dean and making plans for his free week in October, where he would visit his family, even though he dreaded seeing the one person again, who made his childhood be like hell. His older brother Lucifer.

 

 

art by Chrome Hearts


	5. Music and nighmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One week until Castiel has to face his family. One week until he has to live though his past again. One week until everything is going to change...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to make this one a little bit longer since I wanted to reward you guys with a bit more story till next year. Hope you like it.

The next weeks passed pretty fast. Castiel had a lot of school work to do, which is why he spent less time with Dean. Their relationship had been stronger than ever. Everything was going fine. On Monday he met with Dean after school to study at his apartment. They tried to study but ended up sitting on Castiel's bed and listening to music. Dean had put together a playlist on Castiel's spotify a few weeks ago, which Cas had been listening to ever since. He loved the playlist. He loved the way Dean was stroking his hair as he laid on his chest. He wanted to stay in that moment forever. _Led Zeppelins ramble on_ was playing in the background and Cas had closed his eyes to take in Deans smell. That sweet smell of leather and gas, mixed with a little bit of sweat. He thought about how drastically his life had changed since he met Dean.

Dean's voice pulled him out of his deep thought. „So what are you going to do on that free week we have? I thought we could go somewhere together for a few days." Cas opened his eyes and was met by green once. He shifted his head slightly to have a better look at his face. „I would like that but I promised my family that I would visit them and stay the whole week. I haven't seen them in months." Cas said. „Okay. If you want I could visit you when you are there. If I remember correctly you told me that your family lives near Lincoln". Cas smiled at the fact that Dean remembers that small detail. „Yea they do but you said that your parents live here in Lawrence."

"They did but after I moved out with Sammy they decided to move. Now they live in Wichita." Dean said. „That would mean that would have to drive at least five hours." Cas said realizing that five hours were a long time. He couldn't ask that of Dean. Dean probably guessing what Cas was thinking took his hand in his and Cas looked up at him. „Hey don't worry. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you and I don't mind. I like driving around with Baby. I want to come and visit your family. So please let me visit you in those days." A smile spread over his face. He never would have thought that someone would drive five hours just to see him. "Okay" he said.

They stayed in their position for some time, before someone spoke. „But you have to know that my parents are really strict. They don't really support my choices in my sexual orientation. They know that I am gay but they don't want to believe it. They still hope that I just need the right girl and they thought that they helped me and..." Cas trailed off into his thought. When he realized it, he blushed. „Oh and one more thing. Please don't react to whatever they say to me or to you. Please. Especially not what my older brother Lucifer says." Cas said, pain in his eyes. The tears were burning behind his eyelids and he had to close them, in order to keep the tears away.

Dean stopped stroking his hair. When he opened his eyes, Dean looked concerned. " Cas..." he began but was cut off by Castiel. " Please, I don't want to talk about it. I just want to enjoy this moment with you, without having to think about my family or my brother". Dean didn't push him and laid his head back into the pillow. Their mood had dropped for some time but soon they were talking again, both happy to be around each other. They picked the date Dean would visit. He would stay for three days, if his parents allowed it.

After Dean had left, Cas called his mother to ask her if it was okay. She agreed and was happy that one of Castiel's friends would visit. He took a quick shower and then went to the kitchen to make some dinner. He knew that he had to tell Dean about his past one day but he just wasn’t ready yet. He wasn't ready to reveal all the bad things that had happened to him. He stayed up late, reading some poetry and writing some of it in his notebook. The clock on his desk showed that it was already two am and he had a lesson at eight am tomorrow, so he crawled into bed and tried to keep all the bad things out of his mind. 

He didn't sleep well last night. The nightmares kept him awake. The nightmares he always had before he visited his family. The ones that were memories he had tried to hide in the back of his mind. The next day went by pretty blurry. He hadn't paid any attention at the lessons and at lunch he hadn't eaten. He had no lessons after that so he waited for Dean to finish his classes and then they went to Dean’s apartment. It wasn't very big but it was enough for two people. It was simple, nothing fancy. They were lying on Dean’s bed facing each other. Castiel loved Dean’s room. The poster from his favorite bands such as _Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, Rolling Stones_ and some others. The desk which was always a little messy. His bookcase, full with old books about myths and legends. Some poetry was also stuck between the thick books but Dean had told him that he hadn't read them yet. The pictures on his nightstand of him and Sam and one of his mother. There was not one picture of his father.

They had fallen asleep on Dean's bed, music playing in the background. Cas woke up, covered in cold sweat. He was breathing heavily. He sat up on the bed and tried to calm down. He forgot that Dean was next to him and only remembered when, the light of the nightstand was turned on. " Cas are you alright. What happened?" Dean asked concerned. " Nothing I am fine" Cas said. It was clearly not convincing enough, since Dean sat up as well and slung an arm around him and pulled him closer to his body. The embrace soothed Cas a little. " It's okay Cas. Everything is fine, just calm down. " Dean said softly, whipping a tear from Castiel's cheek. Cas hadn't realized that he had cried and he blushed a little. They didn't speak. They just sat like that and soon Castiel was asleep again. He didn't have any more nightmares that night.

The week passed without Dean mentioning Castiel's outburst anymore, which Cas was grateful for. When they had to say goodbye, Dean kissed him for a long time. It seemed as if he wanted to remember every inch of Castiel's lips until they would meet again. Castiel packed his stuff into a bag and then went to the train station to take his train. He took the train because even though he had a drives-license, his parents still thought that he drove anywhere by bus or train. His mother picked him up at the train station three hours later. They hugged and Castiel had to tell her everything about college. He was quite happy that his mother came alone. He learned that his father would come home at seven pm and that Lucifer would probably stay out late. This information made Castiel relax a little.

At home, he was greeted by his other siblings and after they talked for some time, he went to his room to unpack his stuff. It hadn't changed at all. Everything was exactly as he had left them. He put his clothes into the closet and then took his notebook and put it underneath his pillow. He knew that it was childish but he still couldn't trust his brothers to respect his privacy. He texted Dean that he had arrived at home safe and Dean answered with a smiley and said that he was home as well and that he missed him already. Cas smiled at that text and tipped a quick answer before he went to his closet and search for a sweater since their home was always a little bit colder than what he was used to. He put on a red hoodie with the AC/DC logo on its back. Only after putting it on he realized that it was the one he had " _borrowed_ " from Dean. Suddenly a feeling of safety swepped through his body. He breathed in Dean's scent and after he stood in his room without doing anything for some time, he left his room and went to the kitchen. 

"Hey honey, what do you want to eat for dinner?" his mother asked. "I don't know, whatever you want. I really don't mind" Cas said while sitting on one of the kitchen chairs."So tell me, is there anything going on between you and Anna?" she asked as she started preparing dinner. Castiel noticed the dish his mother was making, lasagna. He loved his mother’s lasagna. "No there is nothing between Anna and me and by the way she has a boyfriend now" Castiel’s mother looked sad for a second before smiling at him. "Well you will find the right girl soon enough" she said. Castiel wanted to remind her that he would never find the right _girl_ but his phone vibrated, which distracted him from his thought. It was Dean. He excused himself and went to the living room to talk to Dean. "Hey babe, how are things going?" Dean asked with a happy voice. He clearly wanted to say something but he probably decided to start with small talk. "Hey I'm fine I guess. My mother just asked me when I will find the right girl but other than that, it's fine. My brother is not home so that’s good." "So..." Dean began "I was wondering what you would think if I come visit you tomorrow already. My parents aren't home and Sammy will stay at a friend’s house till they come back, so I thought I could come and visit you earlier. So what do you think?" Dean was very excited and Cas was happy to. He wouldn't have to stay through that one week alone. At least for most of it. " I would love that. I don't think my parents are gonna have a problem with that." Cas said with a smile on his lips. " Awesome, I’ll be there tomorrow around 5pm." Dean said and Castiel could feel Deans grin on the other end of the line. They said goodbye and Cas returned to his mother. The smile was still on his lips but vanished when he looked at his mother. "What is going on" He asked. "Since when are you wearing sweatshirts with bands on it and since when are you listening to AC/DC?" she asked and Castiel could hear the slight anger in her voice. He pushed down his own anger as best as he could because he didn't want to ruin their first day. After he took some deep breaths he just said that it belonged to a friend of his and went to his room.

At dinner everybody was asking Castiel questions about his life. He had changed into another hoodie and he tried his best to answer all the questions with the things his family wanted to hear. Lucifer wasn't home yet and Castiel could enjoy his mother’s lasagna even more but his luck wouldn't last and he knew that. He had eaten half of his food, when he heard someone opening the front door. His blood froze and his heartbeat increased. His hand were shaking and he had to put them under his thighs so keep them still. Nausea spread in Castiel's body as he tried to keep his tears behind his eyelids. He could do this he said to himself. Only today and then Dean would be here and everything would be fine. Just one night. He tried to take deep breaths, which wasn't that easy since his body was trembling slightly. He heard the footsteps that approached the kitchen and before he could do stand up, Lucifer entered the kitchen and looked at him with a sheepish grin. "Hello brother."

artwork by anonymus

 

 


	6. Two worlds crashing together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finally meets Castiel's family...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all had a happy New Year's Eve and celebrated with your loved ones.  
> This is again a longer chapter and I know it has a lot of dialog in it but I hope you still love it

Castiel froze when he saw his brother. He had the same short blond hair and the same blue eyes he had too. His grin sent shivers down Castiel's spine. His brother sat on the only empty chair at the table. Opposite to Cas. Castiel's stomach hurt and he wasn’t hungry anymore, he just wanted to get out of there. The conversation continued but Castiel was silent. He tried to eat more for his mother’s sake but he couldn't. "What’s the problem Cassie, not hungry?" Lucifer said, pulling Cas out of his thoughts. "Yes I am" he answered. "Then eat" his brother said provokingly. Castiel shoved some food into his mouth even though he had to force it down his throat. Lucifer’s eyes stayed on him the whole time. "So Cassie tell us, have you found a girlfriend yet. Or any friend at all?" "Lucifer" his mother exclaimed. "It's okay mom" Cas said and turned his gaze back to his brother, trying to stay calm. "Yes I have friends and no I don't have a girlfriend yet." His brother wanted to say something to him but was interrupted by the sound of Castiel’s phone ringing. It was Anna and Castiel was grateful that she called him so many times a day. He stood up and went to his room. When he entered his room, he locked his door and slide down on it. He let the call go to voicemail and he started crying. _One day. One goddamn day and then Dean would be here and he would have someone to talk to._

He stayed there and tried to calm himself down which did not work, so he crawled into his bed and laid there until he fell asleep. He woke up with dry eyes. He reached for his phone and saw that it was 8:30am and that he had three new messages from Dean.

**Hey how are things going?**

**I'll be there at 10am since Sammy is at his friend’s house and I didn't want to be alone.**

**I hope it's okay. See you soon. Miss you.**

Castiel smiled at the last text and replied quickly, before he realized that he had only one and a half hour to get ready. He cleaned his room a little bit, put on a pair of sweats and a shirt with a flannel on top of it and went down to the kitchen to grab a coffee, since he wanted to grab breakfast with Dean. When he entered the kitchen, Lucifer was sitting there drinking his coffee. Cas poured himself a cup and did his best to ignore his brother who was staring at him the whole time. "Nice outfit Cassie is that what freaks like you wear at university?" his brother asked. Cas didn't respond and made his way out of the kitchen. When he passed his brother, Lucifer grabbed his arm and pulled him in front of him."Didn't you hear me gay freak?" he said, tightening his grip around Castiel's arm. The shock that rushed through Castiel's body made him drop the cup in his hand and it exploded into tiny shards on the wooden floor. His brother stood up, he was a bit taller than Cas, and punched him in the guts. The air in Castiel's lungs leaves his body and he pulls his arm to his stomach. He tried to straighten up again but his brother's fist hit him at the jaw with such a force, that he lost his balance and fell to the ground. His hand hits the ground first which prevented him from crashing into the glass with his face. "That's for the cup. freak" his brother said. His hand started to hurt and only when his brother finally left he saw that his hand was lying in the shards of the broken cup. Blood was running out of the little cuts and onto the kitchen floor. He sat up and dragged his hand up only to see that a big piece of glass had pierced through his palm and was now stuck there. He cleaned the floor as best as he could and then went to the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

He threw up into the bathroom sink. Tears were running down his face and his body was slightly trembling. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. The punch had left him with a burse at his jaw which was now a deep red. He got the tweezer from one of the drawers and then he sat on the edge of the bathtub and started pulling out the glass. It hurt like hell and he wanted to scream with every piece he pulled out but he didn't. When he had pulled out everyone of them, he took a quick shower and after that bandaged his injured hand, after cleaning the wounds. He put on a jeans and a comfy sweater and went to his room. It was almost 10am which meant that Dean would be here any minute.

When he heard the engine of the impala pulling into their driveway, he practically ran out of the door and into Dean's embrace. "I missed you" Cas mumbled as he took in Dean's scent. Dean's strong arms felt great and safe around him. For just a second he forgot about all his problems but then Dean pulled away. "I missed you too" he said. They chatted a little bit outside and then entered the house. Dean left his back at the hallway and after that they drove to the city. While they were driving, they didn't talk much. Cas was mostly enjoying the moment and Dean, who was singing to AC/DC.

At the cafe, they both ordered a coffee and some scrambled eggs with bacon. „So Sammy was very happy to be home again and see his old friends." Dean said while they waited for their food. "That sounds great. You told me that Sam lives with you?" Cas asked. "Yea he does. He somehow got a scholarship for that High School, don't ask me how, and after I got accepted at college, we moved there together." They food arrived and after that they didn't talk much. Cas was in his own thought and didn't realize that Dean was calling his name. " Cas?... Cas?". "Yea?" Cas said confused. "What is going on?" the other man asked concerned. "Nothing. I'm fine." They exited the shop and went to the park, to take a walk.

Cas told Dean about all the memories he had here and some fun facts about the park. They sat down at a bench. "Cas what happened to your jaw and your hand?" Dean asked, concern in his eyes. There is was, the question Castiel dreaded to answer. "Nothing" he said, not looking at Dean. Dean's hand took his and his other went to Castiel's face and turned it so that he was now facing the other man. "Cas who did this to you"? "Nobody" Cas lied but Dean wasn’t happy with that answer. "Cas please, don't lie to me. Who did this to you"? Tears formed behind his eyelids and started flowing as he told Dean what had happened. Dean listened and Cas could see the anger growing inside of him. When Cas had finished, Dean embraced him tightly. After some time, Cas had calmed down enough that he wasn't crying anymore. "Soy our brother Lucifer did this to you?" Cas nodded. Dean stood up and walked a few steps away from Cas, his hands were clenching into fists. Cas stood up as well and walked up to him. "I'm gonna kill him" Dean said. "Please Dean, don't." "Cas he is bullying you and I'm not gonna let that happen again." Castiel took Dean's hands into his, which made Dean look down at him. Green eyes met blue. "Dean please. I don't want to make things worse than they already are and even if you tell them ,they won't believe you. They don't want to" Cas said, voice soothing. "Do it for me, please" That was it. Dean relaxed and he promised he wouldn't do anything.

The rest of the day, they spent walking around in the city and visiting some of Castiel's favorite paces. When they arrived at Castiel's home, it was 5pm. Dean turned the Impala's engine off and that looked at Cas, who had been very quite at their ride back. "Hey everything will be fine. Trust me. I am here now and you don't have tow worry anymore" Dean said Taking Castiel's hand and kissing it. Castiel relaxed and before they exited the car, Cas gave Dean a quick kiss. As they entered the house and went to the living room, five pairs of eyes landed on them. More precisely on Dean. Cas glanced at Dean, who was standing there, back straight and a grin on his face. "Mom, dad, this is Dean. He is a friend of mine." Cas said. "Hey, happy to meet you" Dean said. Cas could see that his family didn't approve of Dean. The man next to him, was wearing black jeans which was ripped at the knees and at several other parts. He was wearing a black Led Zeppelin shirt, with their logo, the naked angel, on it. On top of it he had a black and red flannel shirt. Cas loved Dean's style but clearly his family didn't. Dean had noticed and his smile grew even bigger.

At dinner, they had a light conversation. Castiel's family was talking small talk with Dean and everything was fine. Cas could relax a little. Lucifer wasn't there yet. When he heard the door open, his muscles tightened. He entered the kitchen, sitting, how else could it be, opposite to Dean. After putting some soup on his plate he said. "So... you must be Dean. Cassie told us that you would visit" he said with a cocky smile. "Yea I am Dean and you must be Lucifer. Cas has told me about you" Dean said, returning the smile. "This old, ugly car outside. Is that yours?" he asked. Castiel felt nauseous but Dean just replied "Yes it's mine. It's a 1967 Chevy Impala. Why you gotta problem with it?" Cas looked at Dean with a look that said he should calm down. "Nah just wondering. So how did you two meet. I mean why do you even hang out with my brother?". Cas inhaled sharp at that but Dean stayed calm. Cas could see Dean's struggle not to punch his brother in the face. "I don't understand what you mean. Cas is a funny guy and he has a great taste in music." Dean's hand found Castiel's underneath the table and his fingers entwined with Cas's. "Did you say gay or guy. I couldn’t make it out." "Lucifer" his mother said with a warning tone in her voice. Dean's body tightened and the hand he had on the table clenched into a fist. "No I said guy but even if, I wouldn't mind." "Oh I see. Well if ever want to hang out with someone who is straight you know where to find me". "Lucifer" his mother repeated. Tears were burning behind his eyes. "I need to go to the bathroom" Cas said and left the kitchen running upstairs and locking the door of his room behind him.

His brother had done it again. He had humiliated Cas in front of his friend. In front of Dean. Tears were streaming down his face. A soft knock on the door. "Cas it's me. Can I come in?" Dean. He opened the door to let Dean inside, and locked it again. Dean sat down beside him and put his arm around Castiel's shoulders. They were sitting there in silence. Cas felt horrible. He felt so messed up and weak for letting his brother humiliate him, again. "Your brother is an asshole" Dean said breaking the silence. That comment made Cas laugh a little. "Yea he is. I hate him so much, how could he do that to me, again..." Cas trailed off. "What do you mean, again?" Dean asked and Cas realized that he hadn't told Dean about his childhood. The things his brother, and parents, had done but he couldn't tell him. Not yet. He wasn't ready to live through all those memories again. "I don't want to talk about it." "Cas..." Dean began. "Please Dean, I am not ready yet. You have to understand it" Cas said closing his eyes to hold back the tears. It broke his heart to not be able to tell Dean about it but he couldn't. At least not today. They shifted onto Castiel’s bed and just laid there. They started talking eventually and after hours of talking they both fell asleep.

 

 

artwork by unknown


	7. Tequila

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a tipical day in their life with some tequila shots...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a chapter with some fluff in it. Hope you like it.  
> I know it's a little short but the next ones are gonna be very long, so thats why I decided to write a shorter one this time.

When Cas woke up the next morning, Dean was still asleep. He shifted slightly and just looked at the man next to him. He was so grateful to have met him. He closed his eyes and when he woke up again, Dean was awake and now he was looking at Cas. "Good morning" Cas said softly. "Morning" Dean said with his husky voice. They got out of bed and went down to the kitchen, where Cas made coffee and breakfast. Since today was Sunday, they couldn't do much and since it was raining, they decided to stay at home, at least till the afternoon. The two boys went to the living room and sat on the couch, turning on the TV. Most of Castiel's family members weren't home, so after some time Cas laid his head on Dean's chest. They watched some _Dr. Sexy_ , one of Dean's guilty pleasures, and then Dean went upstairs to call Sam.

Cas was cleaning the kitchen; his bruised hand was still hurting, when he heard loud voices from upstairs. His first instinct was to freeze and get as far away from the stairs as he could. He realized that only Dean was talking, no one else, and he quickly went to his room. Dean was standing with his back to the door, hand clenched into a fist. "Listen to me Sammy, you won't call the police. If he does something again, you'll call me. If he huts you again, he will regret it. From now on you take your Christmas gift with you." Dean said to the person on the phone. Cas couldn't make out what the other person, probably Sam, said.  "Yes everywhere. You understood". Another answer Cas didn't understand. "Okay have to go now. Be careful kid. I'll be back in a week. Take care of you Sammy." Dean hung up and dropped onto Castiel's bed. Cas came up to him and sat next to him. "What happened" Castiel asked. Dean looked at him and Cas could see the anger and fear in Dean's eyes. "Some jerk attacked my brother." "Is he okay". "Yes he is but that son of a bitch won't be if he hurts him again" Dean said through gritted teeth. "Everything will be fine. Trust me." Cas said and gave him a soft kiss.

They stayed at Castiel's room, listening to their playlist and flipping through an old photo album, Dean had found. They laughed at all the embracing and cute pictures of Cas as a baby. Everything was fine and Castiel could forget about his brother and all of his problems. He loved those small moments of happiness, even though he knew they would go away and pain would take over. Dean had fallen asleep on his bed and Cas took the opportunity to write down a poem. He hadn't done that in a very long time and it always relaxed him. He pulled out his notebook and started scribbling down some words. He was almost finished when he felt Dean shift next to him. "What are you doing" Dean asked. "Nothing" Cas answered and put his journal back underneath his pillow.

After making ready, it was 7pm. and they decided to go get a drink. Castiel's family had returned and again, five pairs of eyes looked at them when they entered the living room. "Mom, Dean and I are gonna eat outside today". "If you want to, sure have fun". Cas could hear the dislike of his idea in his mother’s voice but he didn't care. They drove with the Impala, Cas was sitting shotgun. At the bar, it was one of Castiel's favorite; they sat at a booth at the back of the bar and ordered a beer each. It was fun and they quickly began drinking shots and whiskey and than shots again, until both of them were drunk. It was Deans turn to drink a tequila shot. He took the salt shaker into his hand but instead of licking his hand, he came closer to Cas and licked his neck. Cas couldn't help but smile. Dean poured some salt on Cas's skin and then licked over it again. He looked him in the eyes, biting his bottom lip and then he drank his shot never breaking eye contact and then bit into the lemon. Castiel couldn't stop grinning. Maybe it was because of the things Dean just did, or maybe it was because of the alcohol, he couldn't tell. They stayed at the bar for another hour and then ordered a taxi, since neither of them was in the state to drive.

Back at home, they sat on the front porch and talked and laughed for some time. "So you burned a pot of rice and then gave the burned rice to your brother" Dean asked amused. "Hey I was seven but yea I did and it was awesome" Cas said laughing at the memory. "Yea my dad was almost never at home so I had to take care of Sammy who meant I had to cook for him and when I messed it up, I cooked something else, even if I had nothing to eat that night." While he said that, Dean's face became serious. "Oh I didn't know but why did your father leave you alone. Did he have to go to work"? Dean laughed at that. "Yea work. I wish, he was drinking at some shitty bar or something like that." Cas laid his hand on Dean's shoulder but didn't speak. "Anyway, there was this one kid at school that was bullying some nerd and I came up to him and punched him in the face. I was ten by the way" They both laughed at that and they soon continued their conversation. The sun was beginning to rise and they both ended up on the couch, Cas curled up in Dean's arms, head lying on his chest. It was one of the first night Cas slept without having a nightmare. He dreamt about Dean and if they would ever be able to live a normal live and visit their families without having to lie about their sexuality.

Cas woke up in the middle of the night by a loud knock. Dean was still sleeping next to him, although he was woken up as well. They both rose to their feet and went to the front door. Cas could hear that someone was trying to open the door with some keys. He wasn't sure what to do but before he could decide the door swung open and a drunk Lucifer was standing in front of him. Cas had sobered up a little so he didn't look drunk. Lucifer pushed him aside and entered the house. Without saying a word he went up to his room. Cas looked at a confused and angry Dean. He came up to the other man, took his hand and led him back to the couch. Dean followed and they snuggled under the blankets again. Cas was almost asleep when he felt Dean's soft lips on his. He responded quickly and they were soon kissing each other softly. "Good night Dean" Cas said breaking their kiss. "Goodnight Cas" Dean answered with a sleepy voice.

artwork by Noe-Izumi on Deviant art


	8. Fucked up world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an unpleasent sight everything falls apart...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry guys that it took me so long to upload a new chapter but I had a lot of stuff to do for school and so I had no time to write.  
> I hope you like this chapter. It is a long one so grab something to drink and enjoy it ;)  
> And thank you guys for 500 reads. You are awesome

Cas was woken up by the light shining through the curtains. He shifted slightly and looked at Dean, still asleep. He didn't want to stand up and so just laid there, having Dean's arms around him. Dean woke up sometime later. They kissed and then stood up to take a shower. Cas let the water run over his body, as a slight smile crept up on his face. He had fallen asleep with Dean on the couch and everything went fine. Nobody saw them. He washed the shampoo out of his hair and turned the water off. The mirror was foggy and when he swiped across it and saw his reflection, he had to admit he looked horrible. They hadn't slept much last night, maybe three to four hours of sleep, and the signs where showing.

After getting dressed in a comfortable sweater and some jeans, he went downstairs and was greeted by the smell of fresh coffee. Dean was standing in the kitchen pouring coffee into two cups and handing it to Cas who took it thankfully. They went outside and sat down onto the porch, where they had sat last night. They didn't talk. Didn’t need to. They just sat there watching the sun and the few cars that passed. Cas leaned against Dean's shoulder as his lack of sleep made itself noticeable. He didn't sleep though. Didn't want to, he just wanted to enjoy every moment he could with Dean, without having to pretend or lie. Entering the house again, they were greeted by his mother, who was making breakfast. "Good morning boys" she said, smile on her face. "Morning" they said simultaneously. "I thought we could do something all together since your dad doesn't have to work and It's Dean's last day here" she said and only then did Cas realize, that Dean had to go tomorrow. He didn't want him to go. "Yea that sound great" he answered, forcing a smile on his face. He wanted to be with Dean, and only Dean, that last day but now his plans were ruined.

They went to the Old Town. They drove with two cars, Dean driving the Impala, Cas sitting shotgun, and Michael in the back. He hated his brother for sitting there, even if he was only ten; they still had to act normal, just in case. Going on a trip with his family was better than expected. Mostly because he was walking with Dean and showing him all the beautiful houses and everything. They ate dinner at a restaurant, with view on the fountain. Back at the house, each of his family members returned to their tasks, which left the two boys alone in the living room. They curled up on the coutch and opened Netflix. Dean had never watched _The Lord of the Rings_ and so they selected the first movie. As Bilbo went started his adventure they drifted to sleep, both exhausted from their lack of sleep.

They were woken up by someone cleaning their throat. Cas, still sleepy, lifted his head slightly looking at Dean. Dean was waking up and looked at him confused. Turning his head he saw his parents and Lucifer standing behind him. Cas froze and felt Dean's body stiffen as well. Fear rushed through his veins, as he pulled away and sat up, his head turned to his family. "What is going on here" his mother asked angrily. Cas didn't trust himself to speak but didn't have to as Dean answered for his. "We fell asleep on the couch, since we didn't get enough sleep last night" Dean said calm. Cas admired how he could stay so composed. "Is that how you fall asleep in college? Lying on one another" his mother getting angrier with every second. Cas finally trusted himself to speak. "It's not what it looks like..." he started but his father cut him off. “Yea. To me it looks like my gay son is all over his "friend"", anger in his voice as well. His heartbeat increased and Cas knew it was first signs of a panic attack but he tried to ignore them as best as he could. "I can stay here watching this, when I come back I want you to be gone" his father said before leaving, slamming the door behind him. "So Cassie, how long have you two been together. Or are you just fucking him because no one wants to be around you longer than he has to" his brother asked with a devilish smile. "Watch it" Dean snarled. He was standing now, fists clenched. Cas stood as well but to afraid to speak. He wanted to say so many things but he couldn't find his voice. "Stay out of this" Castiel's mother said, shooting him a sharp look. "The hell I am. You have treated him like he is less since we walked in here. Yes he likes boys. And, what is the problem. Only because you are too religious or whatever to understand him. You have no right to treat him that way because if you can't accept him that I am sorry but you're a shitty family and deserve to burn in hell". Dean yelled, face full of anger. Cas couldn't move. He just stood there, not being able to process what just happened. Dean had stood up to his family. They only knew each other for two months and he had done more for him than his family had ever done. He wanted to kiss him and hug him.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw how his brother came closer and now nothing was standing between them. Cas reacted when a fist rushed towards Dean's face and he threw himself between them, taking the full blast of force and falling to the ground. His nose was bleeding and he felt the blood in his mouth. His vision blurred a little but he tried to shake it off. Dean was next to him within a second telling him to stay with him. Cas sat up slowly. Dean helped him steady and after a few moments helped him to stand up. They were both facing Lucifer, Dean standing protectively in front of Cas. His brother was looking at him with a devilish and satisfied grin. Cas wanted to run at him and punch him until he was unconscious but he hadn't the strength. "Little brother I never thought I would get this satisfaction so soon after hitting you in the kitchen" Lucifer said his grin widening. "You touch him again, you'll regret the day you were born, you son of a bitch" Dean snarled. His hands were clenched into fists and Cas could see how hard it was for him to hold back. "Aww now look at that, your sick boyfriend is protecting you. Isn’t that sweet" Lucifer said with the sarcasm and disgust dripping from his lips. 

Castiel's eyes filled with tears and his mouth continued to fill with blood. Cas hadn't realized when Dean had moved but now he was throwing himself at Lucifer, pushing him onto the wooden floor. They landed with a loud bang, Lucifer’s head hitting the floor. He heard his mother scream but he couldn't care. His eyes were fixed onto the two men fighting. Dean was punching him, his knuckles starting to bleed. Suddenly they switched positions, Lucifer now pushing Dean down with his whole weight. Even though Dean was taller, Lucifer seemed to be heavier and now his brother had the upper hand and he used it, hitting Dean in the face with as much force as he could gather. Dean's face was red and blood was running out of his nose but he wasn't giving up. He struggled, trying to free himself from Lucifer's grip. Castiel ran towards them trying to get his brother off of Dean but he only got hit by his brother’s elbow, sending him tumbling backwards. Dean had almost freed himself when Lucifer hit him unconscious. Cas froze as his brother rose from Dean's unconscious body and walking towards him.

Cas backed away as far as he could hitting the wall with his back. His brother was now towering over him, still breathing heavily from the fight a few moments earlier. "I'm gonna enjoy this little brother" his brother said before punching him in the face. His head was pushed against the wall with the force of the blow but he tried to stand up, legs shaking. Another fist hit him, this time in his stomach, and another and another until he was curled up on the floor, crutching his stomach, every muscle aching."You are an abomination. You know that Castiel. Every time you got beaten up you deserved it. Every time you were lying on the floor or were pushed into lockers, you deserved it. You are nothing. A nobody, a monster and monsters have to get punished, little brother." His brother was kicking him when he suddenly stopped. Cas heard something hit the floor and he opened his eyes. Lucifer was lying on the floor, unconscious, Dean standing over him, with an angry expression. The other man was filled with rage. "Dean?" Cas croaked mouth dry. Dean slowly shifted his gaze away from his brother, now looking at Castiel, his expression changing immediately into concern. He ran towards him falling on his knees. "Hey how are you doing Cas" he asked with a concerned voice. He helped him to sit up, letting him lean against his chest. They stayed like this for a while not moving until Dean broke the silence. "We have to get you cleaned up". They stood up carefully and walked up to the bathroom.

Closing the door, Castiel's knees gave out and he fell to the floor tears running down his swollen face. Dean sat next to him, letting Cas lay his head into Dean's lap. Castiel was sobbing tears blurring his vision. He couldn't stop his body from shaking and he had to force the urge down to vomit. They stayed like this for almost twenty minutes, Castiel's tears running freely down his face, Dean's hand stroking his hair. "I can't believe he did this." Cas said lastly. "It's okay" Dean said soothingly. "He can't get to you and if he does, I will be here to protect you". Cas didn't answer; instead he snuggled closer to Dean as he slowly sat up. "I have to tell you something" Cas said with a sight and then he told Dean everything. All the horrible things he had to go through in his childhood. all the names he was called, he told him about the mental and physical abuse he endured in his past. It took him a lot of time to go through all of these memories. To dug them back up after having locked them away for so long. It felt good finally getting all this weight off his chest. Dean didn't interrupt him. He just sat there and listened, occasionally stroking his hair or letting Cas clutch his hand, when he cried or when he started shaking from the memories. When he finished, he was crying, tears running down his face and body shaking heavily.

"Cas... I am so sorry. I didn't know. How could they do this to you and how could you come back here and pretend everything is fine." Cas didn't say anything. He just sat there, overwhelmed by all the memories he had just brought up. Dean's hand went to his chin and lightly pushed his head up, until blue eyes met green. Dean leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss onto Castiel's lips. Cas gave in and that kiss said everything he didn't want to say. Everything he was to afraid to say. All the tears and the pain. They pulled away and a sad smile formed on Castiel's lips.

artwork by ShakingBlankets


	9. Bruised and broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter we learn more about Castiel's childhood and what a "normal" day in his life used to be. They also have another encounter with Lucifer...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys it took me so long to update but I had a lot to do with school and everything.  
> In this chapter we learn more about Castiel's childhood. Tell me if you like learning about their past. I'll probably write some more flashbacks from Cas's but also Dean's past in the future.  
> I hope you like this chapter.  
> and again sorry it took me so long.

Castiel was walking towards his school. His body was still achecing from all the bruises he had added to his collection yesterday. As he walked towards the big building, he could see the groups of people standing outside and talking. He put on his hoodie and tried to be as invisible as he could. Maybe they aren't there he thought to himself. Maybe he will get this day by without being pushed into the lockers or being kicked on the ground. He made his way inside and walked towards his locker. "Hey freak how are you doing today?" Cas froze. He knew that voice and he hated it. Naomi was walking his way, her red hair bouncing off her shoulders. Behind her were her friend, Zach, Uriel, Gordon and Bella. They were now in front of Cas, standing in a half circle and everybody had a devilish grin on their face. "I hope you had a good night’s sleep Cassie because today is Friday and you know that today is always the worst day for us because we aren't going to see you for the weekend." Bella said. "and we want you to remember us until the next week" Zach finished. Gordon grabbed Cas by the collar of his shirt and dragged it towards him. Without another word Cas felt a fist collide with his jaw. He head jerked to the side and pain was starting to flood through his head. Another fist hit his face, this time hitting his nose and cheek. Blood was running out of his nose and he pushed himself as far away from them as possible which wasn't easy since they had enclosed him a lot. "Guys let's leave him for now. We will have enough time after school" Naomi said and they turned away and walked towards class.

Cas let out a shaky breath and touched his nose with his hand. When he looked at it, blood was on his hand. He hurried to the bathroom, locked the door and threw up. It was something normal for him since people started bullying him and he didn't care how knew. since nobody really cared about him anyway. When he was finished he cleaned his face as much as he could and went to class. His teachers didn't bother to ask what had happened to him since it was something that happened on a regular basis and they didn't care about him as well. He sat through his classes and as so often didn't eat. He would puke it all out later so he had no need eat something.

When school was over Castiel tried to get out of the building before his bullies saw him. He was already halfway across the campus when he saw the group of teenagers strode his way. He knew turning around and trying to run wouldn't do him any good, they would catch up to him eventually. "Look who we have here" Gordon said, a cocky smile on his lips. They formed a circle around Castiel so that he had no chance of running away. "You know the drill, don't you, faggot?" Bella said her British voice sounding cruel and murderous. Cas nodded. A fist hit his jaw again and the pain from this morning intensified. Each of them took turns in hitting Castiel in various places until he was lying on the ground and blood running out of his nose and mouth. They didn't stop though and continued to kick him. Only after what felt like an eternity they finally stopped. At this point, Castiel was coughing, the blood in his mouth had mixed with the dirt on the ground. Tears were running down his face and his body was acheing everywhere. "See you on Monday, freaking faggot" one of them said as they walked away. Castiel hated them. He hated his school and his parents and he hated the teachers. How could they let something like this happen to a sixteen year old child. He laid there for several minutes before he felt ready and able to stand up. Standing on his feet hurt and every step he took caused his body to burn from the pain. He didn't stop though. As he walked past the school gates and made his way home, he was his brother Lucifer standing next to some boys and watching Castiel with a satisfied grin on his face. Castile’s older brother was as bad as his bullies, not to say even worse. He abused Castiel mentally and physically and he never interfered when someone was beating the shit out of his little brother. No, he _enjoyed_ it. He though Castiel _deserved_ it. Only that thought made Cas sick to his stomach. He turned his gaze away from his older brother and made his way home.

* * *

 

 Castiel was starring at the door on the other side of the room. He was sitting on the edge of the bathtub and starred into space, Dean next to him. All the memories from his childhood came back. All the horrible things he had to go through and all the pain. Tears were filling up his eyes again and he felt his body shaking. Dean's grip around his arm tightened and he felt how the other man put down the scissors and pulled Cas closer to him. Cas was now leasing against Dean's chest, silent tears running down his bruised face. They sat there without saying a word for a long time before, Dean got back to patching him up, still staying silent. When they finished, Cas had calmed down again and he was just quietly sitting there, while Dean cleaned everything up. He wanted to do something, say something, but he couldn't. His body felt numb. "Dean... I am so sorry..." he finally said. "Hey it's okay. You don't have to apologize for anything. It's not your fault." Dean said wrapping him into a tight embrace. "So let's go and pack up your things" Dean said and walked to the door. 

In Castile’s room, they put everything he needed into a duffle bag. As they walked down the stairs to leave, Castile’s heart was pounding. He wanted to get out of there as fast as possible and without seeing his brother again, but that wouldn't work. They were both putting on their jackets, when Lucifer made his way up to them. "Where are you two going" he asked and Castiel's heart started racing even faster. "None of your business" Dean snapped. "It is my business where by brother is going" he said. "I am not allowing you to leave Castiel". Dean let out a sarcastic laugh. "Yea is that so. Why so you can continue to abuse him and if you haven't been paying attention, your father threw him out." Lucifer took another step forward and Cas backed up closer to the door. He didn't want another fight. He just wanted to get out of there and never come back. "Dean..." he whispered but Dean didn't hear him. "Dean, please stop" he said but again, nobody heard him. Dean's hands were clenched into fists by now. "You don't get to tell me what I can and can't do with my brother" Lucifer spit back. "It looks like I can" Dean said. They started moving closer and before he could do anything, a fist collided with skin. Lucifer had attacked Dean.

Castiel could see the rage and anger in his eyes, as Dean turned his head towards his brother again, blood running out of his nose. Dean was about to punch back, when Cas practically threw himself in front of Dean, grabbing his wrist. He looked up at Dean, a pleading look on his face. "Please don't" he said, his voice shaking. Dean glanced at him for a few seconds before lowering his hand. They stayed like this for a few moments, nobody moving. Cas felt the pain only a few moments after the blade entered his lower back. His eyes widened and he dropped to his knees, hand grabbing his stomach. The blade had cut through him completely. He could hear Dean scream his name but it was all so far away. Everything went by in slow motion. He felt strong hand grabbing him and carrying him out the house. The cold wind was great against his flushed skin. He clutched at Dean's shirt. "Cas stay with me come on" Dean was cursing while trying to open the door to the Impala. Cas felt the seat underneath him. He tried to move his head but the moment he did that, everything became blurry. "Cas stay with me please" Dean's voice was filled with pain and Cas knew he was afraid. Castiel should probably be afraid too but he couldn't feel anything right now. He just knew he had to stay with Dean. "Dean..." he croaked. "Cas don't talk just stay with me. Everything will be fine. I promise".

Castiel didn't know how long they had been driving but the car suddenly came to a halt. Dean almost jumped out of the car and ran to the passenger’s side. He tore the door open and again, carried Castiel in his arms. It was now even harder to stay conscious. His eyes fluttered shut but he fought with himself and he was able to open them again. They entered a house and he was laid down onto something soft, probably a bed, he thought but he couldn't register it. "Can I pass out now Dean" he asked. Silence, then from what sounded like far away, a soft _yes_.

When he woke up again, his head was acheing. He tried to open his eyes but the light was too bright. He tried to move but everything hurt. Castiel's throat felt dry. He wasn't able to speak and when he tried to, the only thing that happened was that a strangled sound escaped his mouth. He drifted back into sleep. _Castiel was walking to Dean's house. Suddenly Lucifer appeared in front of him and walked towards Castiel. He pushed him to the side and before he could see where he was heading, a scream filled the silent air. Castiel's head jerked around and he saw Dean falling to his knees, blood running out of a line on his throat. Cas screamed and ran towards him, tears falling down his eyes. "Dean please stay with me" he said but it was already too late. Dean was dead. "This is all your fault little brother. If you hadn't met him, he wouldn't have died. This is all your fault. This is all your fault. Your fault you abomination of god. You are responsible for his death. You could have saved him..._

Castiel shot up, sitting straight in his bed, bright light and pain, all forgotten. His breath was fast and heavy, tears in his eyes. "Dean" he croaked. Dean entered the room, fear in his eyes. "Hey you're up. Everything all right" he asked. Cas didn't answer, he just shook his head. Dean came closer and sat next to him, laying his legs onto the bed. Only then did Castiel realize, he wasn't wearing a shirt, or pants. He curled up into the blanket even more, as if  the cold had only just now reached him. "Yea sorry about that but I had to take care of your wound. I'll get you some clean clothes if you want" dean said, obviously embarrassed. He wanted to stand up but Dean caught his wrist. Dean looked at him and then sat back down. "Fine I'll stay but don't whine about being cold then. I can see that you're freezing and..." Dean was cut off by soft lips pressed against his own. The kiss was soft and careful, Dean obviously concerned about hurting Castiel. When they pulled away, Cas laid his head on Dean's chest and just listened to his heartbeat. He fell asleep again, smiling as he thought how lucky he must be, to have Dean next to him.

Artwork by unknown


	10. Torn and frayed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas had their first fight and Sam talks to Cas about Dean...

When Cas woke up again, Dean was still next to him. He looked up at the man next to him and smiled. He was really happy. Dean's eyes opened and now they were looking into each other’s eyes. "Morning sunshine" Dean said. "How are you feeling today". "I don't know. It still hurts a lot when I move" Cas admitted. "Well then don't move" Dean suggested. "Can I ask you something" Cas said, voice unsure. "Always". Castiel thought about his question a little before he asked "So...um...did you patch me up all by yourself". Dean smirked a little. "Not exactly. I mean I clean your wound and everything but Bobby and Ellen did most of the hard work, like the stitching" Dean said, face blushing slightly. before Castiel could say something, the door opened and two people entered the room. A man and a woman in their mid fifties entered the room and approached them. "So you must be Castiel" the woman said and Cas nodded. "I am Ellen and this is Bobby. We are the ones who practically saved your life". Cas looked at them for a moment before thanking them, his cheeks blushing a little. "How are you feeling son" the man asked. "I think I am fine I guess. I don't know I haven't been stabbed before" Cas said trying to sound somewhat happy. "Well we don't get to fix people up that often anymore. You see Bobby and I were surgeons but we don't work anymore. We only do small stuff like fix Dean or his brother after they got into a fight or something. But we haven’t stitched anyone up lately. I am surprised Dean didn't bring you to a hospital. You really have to be someone special..." Ellen trailed off and Cas looked at Dean who was looking uncomfortable, cheeks hot. "Yea well, why don't you get a shower and I'll look at the wound" Bobby suggested nodding towards Dean. Dean got up and pressed a soft kiss onto Castiel's forehead before disappearing into the hallway, closely followed by Ellen.

After they were gone, and Bobby had looked at his wound, it would definitely leave a scar, Cas took his phone. He had a few missed calls from Anna but he ignored them. He opened spotify and went onto the playlist Dean had made for them. He pressed shuffle and let _Led Zeppelin's ramble on_ fill the room. He closed his eyes and imagined how he life would have been without Dean. He couldn't. Even though he tried, he couldn't. A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts and he opened his eyes. dean entered the room closely followed by another man. Dean sat next to Cas, a plate with scrambled eggs and bacon in his hand. The other man took a chair and sat opposite to Cas. "So I thought you must be hungry. This is Sam by the way, my younger brother" Dean said happily. "Hey I'm Sam. I've heard a lot a bout you Castiel. I hope you're doing fine. Dean told me what happened and I am really sorry." Sam said, a kind of concerned look on his face. "Thanks Sam". After the usual small-talk, Cas and Sam got into a conversation about poetry and Dean looked clearly annoyed.

Sam left a little later, leaving Dean and Cas alone in the room. They ate in silence, both too hungry to say something. "What do you think is going to happenen now" Cas said suddenly. "I don't know but you should have let me beat the shit out of him when I had the chance to" Dean said, a slight anger in his voice. "No Dean I couldn't let you do that. What if you got hurt. What if you got stabbed or even worse, killed". Castiel's stomach tightened even thinking about it. "Yea well, now you are hurt and that's even worse" Dean said the anger in his voice rising. "Dean it's fine and even if I had died, nobody would care..." Cas got cut off by Dean's harsh tone. "What the hell are you talking about. Of course people care. I care". "Maybe I deserve it..." Cas trailed off. Dean was now standing, walking up and down the room, anger masking his features. "Goddamn it Cas. But you know what, I get it now. You don't want to be saved.  And back there when you stopped me from attacking your brother, you didn't do it so that I wouldn’t get hurt. You did it so that _you_ wouldn't get hurt, because you knew you would have suffered if I had been hurt and so you decided to go between us instead of being saved for once. You decided without thinking about me or how I would feel if something happened to you."

"You think you deserve to suffer because of all the things that happened to you. Well life ain't always how we want it to be. Get over it." "Are you serious right now. After everything I told you, after everything you saw, you think I should just get _over it_ and that I did it just to help myself to not feel bad. Maybe I did but you know what, I have at least told you about my past and about my feelings. You have been a closed book since we met and you say “Castiel’s voice broke as he said those words, tears filling his eyes. He was so angry right now. "Yes that's exactly what I think. I know life sucks, hell my life has been a mess as well but you know what I don't sit it my room whining about every little thing that happened to me". Dean was now totally furious, hands balled into fists next to his body. Cas filled with rage. "I don't believe you. After everything that happened this is what you think of me. That I am some kind of overreacting guy who whines about every little thing. Wow Dean I never thought that you, my boyfriend, would think that way but well, I was wrong. Get out, please". Dean didn't move. "GET OUT!" Cas screamed and Dean stormed out, slamming the door shut. The moment the door closed, Castiel broke out in tears. How could Dean think that about him. He had never thought that Dean would use his past against him, but obviously he was wrong. Dean was just like everybody else in his life, mean and pretentious. He grabbed the thing closest to him and threw it across the room. Only when the object hit the floor and scattered into a million pieces he realised he had grabbed the plate.

Castiel didn't get any more visits that day and to be honest, he didn't want any. He hated being bound to the bed and he wanted to walk again, even though he knew it had only been two days. He tried to sit up and even though pain shot through his body he managed to sit up. He starred at the wall across the room for a few moments before grabbing the book on his nightstand and burying his face in it. He read for hours, soft music playing in the background. He lost himself in the words of his favorite poets and the endless poems. A soft knock on the door pulled him out of his reading and he just said "come in" before laying the book to the side. Sam entered the room and took the seat across from him. The tall boy just sat there, obviously uncomfortable, not talking at first. He sighted before breaking the silence. "Dean told me what happened and I just wanted to see how you were doing" the boy opposite to him said. "That's really kind of you Sam. Yea well, it's not easy but I'll be fine don't worry. We were just very exhausted from the last days and didn't know what to do with our frustration but I am sure we will fix it" Cas said, not looking at the man. "I know Dean can be stubborn sometimes, it kind of runs in the family but don't think he wouldn't take a bullet for you in a heartbeat. He would do anything for the people he loves, and that include you. I know you are more than friends and I am totally okay with that. He seems happy again and he hasn't been that way in a long time..." Sam trailed off and not it was Castiel's turn to look uncomfortable. His eyes turned to the window as he watched the soft rain run down the window, before fixing his gaze at the younger Winchester again.

"That you Sam this is really sweet of you. I know that Dean would do anything for the ones he loves. That's one of the reasons I fell in love for him..." Cas said, a blush creeping up his face "and I would do the same for him. I did and I have to admit that I can be just as stubborn when it comes to my family, well whatever is left of it..." Sam cut him off "Don't worry Cas, we are your family now and we would do anything for you. But can you promise me one thing" Sam said, not looking at Castiel. "Sure what is it" Cas said. "Can you please promise me that you won't leave Dean because it would break him. I know he plays tough and everything but he is just a man and he wouldn't survive it. I see how he looks at you when he thinks nobody is looking. He hasn't been that happy since mom..." Sam stopped catching himself before adding " If you break his heart, I will beat you up, or if I don't Bobby and Ellen will" he said and both men laughed. "Trust me I will never leave him. I couldn't" Sam stood up and walked towards the door, before Cas said "Oh and Sam, could you maybe bring me my guitar. Since I can't get out of bed, I would have at least something to do" Cas said with a smile and Sam nodded before leaving the room, closing the door behind him. 

Cas was now alone again, lost in his own thoughts. The night of the accident played back and forth in his head, and even though he tried to turn the memories of, he couldn't. he fell asleep, the music from his headphones the only sound he heard. When he woke up again, his guitar was resting next to his bed and a plate with food had been placed onto the bedside table. He pulled his headphones out before sitting up, careful to not open the wound. He ate in silence before grabbing his guitar and tuning it. He played some cords, his fingers sliding over the sides. He started playing, the music filling the room.

 

 _I thought I saw a man brought to life_  
_He was warm, he came around like he was dignified_  
_He showed me what it was to cry_  
_Well you couldn't be that man I adored_  
_You don't seem to know, don't seem to care_  
_What your heart is for_  
_No, I don't know him anymore_

 

Cas sang the lyrics, his voice rough from sleep and dehydration. he stared out the window as he sang.

 

 

 _There's nothin' where we used to lie_  
_Conversation has run dry_  
_That's what's going on_  
_Nothing's fine, I'm torn_

 

Another verse, another tear rolling down his cheek.

 

 

 _I'm all out of faith_  
_This is how I feel, I'm cold and I am shamed_  
_Lying naked on the floor_  
_Illusion never changed_  
_Into something real_  
_Wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn_  
_You're a little late_  
_I'm already torn_

 

His voice broke and he stared sobbing, laying the guitar to the side, as he rubbed his eyes with the edge of his sleeve. He loved this song. He had always listened to it when he was in high school and even though he knew things with Dean would turn out fine, Thats what he hoped at least, he just couldn't help himself from feeling horrible. He felt like it was his fault. He knew he was wrong and he knew it wasn't Dean's fault either. It was Lucifer’s but he just couldn't stop his mind from blaming himself. He fell asleep, eyes red and cheeks wet, the guitar still next to him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

artwork by unknown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate their stubborness in this chapter. Things will turn out fine but not without some drama first.  
> Song is torn by Natalie Imbruglia  
> I know the fanart has nothing to do with the storyline but I couldn't find one where they were fighting ;)  
> I hope you guys like this chapter


	11. Nobody's fault but mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After some days of silence, Cas and Dean finally talk to each other...

A few days passed and Castiel hadn't seen Dean. Bobby and Ellen had visited him and Sam brought him food or some of his favorite books, but Dean hadn't come. Cas could now sit up without having any pain and he was even able to walk a little with crutches of course. He spent a lot of time playing his guitar or scribbling song parts in his notebook. Since the fight, he had had nightmares every time he closed his eyes. He dreamt about Lucifer killing Dean, over and over again or being stabbed himself, waking up with phantom pains, his hands wandering to his wound.

It was afternoon and nobody had visited him today. Sam had come this morning with breakfast but that was it. He stood up slowly, taking his crutches and walked towards the door. He opened it and walked towards the kitchen to make himself something to eat. The house, if you could call it that with its industrial walls and it's small, cell like rooms, which reminded Castiel of hospital rooms, was quiet. He was alone he thought as he went to the refrigerator and got himself some leftovers. He put the bowl with the food into the microwave and sat down, waiting for the ringing of the bell. He heard a door open but didn't look up from where he was looking at his hands. "Hey" a shy voice said and Castiel practically jumped, not having heard someone approach. Dean was standing in front of him, awkwardly leaning against the doorframe. "Hey" Cas said back. "How are you Cas" Dean asked. "I am fine" Cas said harsher than he wanted to. "Look Cas I am sorry I..." Dean was cut of by Castiel's voice "No Dean I am sorry. While I was alone I had a lot of time to think. I shouldn't have acted out like that. You were only trying to protect me and I was a complete ass about it" Cas said, not really looking at Dean. Dean approached him, sitting across from him. "Cas you don't have to apologize for anything. I was the one who overreacted. It's just that I was so scared that you got hurt and that it was all my fault and that it happened under my watch and that I couldn't take care of you those last days because we had fought and..." Dean trailed off, not noticing that some tears were running down his face.

"Hey it's okay, don't worry I am fine" Cas said cupping his face with this hand, whipping away his tears. They stayed like this for some time before Dean stood up and walked towards him. He lowered his face and kissed him. It was a soft and apologetic kiss, filling the days they hadn't talked to each other. The ring of the bell made them pull away. Dean smiled down at Cas before walking towards the microwave and bringing Cas his plate, before sitting down across from him again. They got into a deep conversation and before they knew it, Sam, Bobby and Ellen had returned. They sat all together in front of the big TV and were watching some old Star Trek episode. Cas was snuggled up next to Dean, a big blanket around him. Sam's girlfriend Jess had joined them, the two of them sitting in front of the couch, Sam's arm around Jessica's shoulders, her head leaning against his shoulder.

Dean and Cas were lying in Dean's bed, listening to music. Dean was combing through Castiel's hair. "We need to put Lucifer into prison or otherwise he will hurt someone else" Cas said suddenly and Dean stopped mid motion, looking at his boyfriend. "Yea I know vbut are you sure this is what you want" Dean asked, a bit concerned. "Yes I thought about it a lot and I know he is my brother but it's for the best. I don't want my younger brothers going through the same things I did" Cas said, his voice confident. Dean knew Cas was right and he would support him. He wanted that bastard locked away as much as Castiel wanted it. "Okay we will go to the police first thing on Monday" Dean stated before changing the subject. "So I heard you play". His eyes wandered over to were Cas was lying, his head on Dean's lap. "It sounded really good" he continued and Castiel stared blushing, turning his head away from dean in embarrassment. "It's not bad but it's nothing special" Castiel's voice was flustered. "ea I mean there were some bad notes but hey, nobody can sing as good as I can" Dean joked. Cas grabbed a pillow and hit him in the face before they both stared laughing and Castiel felt so happy at that moment. He felt whole and like nobody could take that happiness away from him but that luck wouldn't last.

The next day, after Castiel was "free" to go, they stared packing. Castiel was ready pretty quickly, since he had almost nothing there, He walked towards the living room and sat down on the couch, pulling out his phone. He hadn't used it very much the last days, only to listen to music and call Anna to tell her what had happened those past weeks. Anna was shook by the news but she understood each and every of his decisions and said that he would support him, if the case got to court.

He pulled out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder. "Hey you ready" Dean asked and Cas nodded. They said their goodbyes with Bobby and Ellen and then took off for the Winchesters house. Cas was sitting shotgun and Sam in the back. They didn't talk much. The music was blasting from the radio and Dean was singing , if you could call it that, to almost every song. Cas was looking out of the window and just enjoyed the ride. He realized that he felt save with the Winchesters and he hadn't felt save in a long time. Even at university he was always afraid what people would think or do. He closed his eyes and jut let the music fill his mind.

He hadn't realized he had fallen asleep until Sam woke him up. "Hey Cas..." the younger brother said, while shaking him softly at the shoulder. Cas opened his eyes and was met by the bright daylight. His eyes adjusted quickly and then he looked around. They had stopped at a parking lot in front of a diner. "We thought we would grab something to eat before continuing" Dean said and walked to the entrance. Cas exited the car and followed the brothers inside. Cas was always amazed that Dean never locked the Impala because Cas knew that he loved that car and that he wouldn't give it up. His thought were cut off when he entered the diner and the smell of burgers and fries filled his nose. His stomach grumbled and they sat down at a booth at the back of the room. They ordered a burger with fries each and sat there in silence, not really talking. It wasn't awkward though. Dean was sitting opposite to Cas and their knees were slightly touching, the whole time.

When they finally arrived at the Winchester house, it was already 1am in the morning. They entered the house and Sam went straight to his room, mumbling a tired good night as he walked upstairs. Dean led Cas to his room after drinking a glass of water. Even though the house wasn't really big or something, with bottles lying around the living room and the kitchen, Cas already loved this place. They went upstairs and entered Dean’s room. When dean turned the light on, Cas was met with a small-ish room. The first thing he saw was Deans king sized bed, which was standing in the middle of the room and was talking away most of the space. The covers where made and on top of them were some pillows. Nothing special. Over the bed were some band posters. They were decorating the wall, together with some pictures. His desk was squeezed between to bookshelves on the other side of the room. His desk was kept pretty simple with only the necessary things on it. The bookcase to the right was filled with old books and journals. Cas loved it. The other one, Cas founds out, wasn't a bookcase and was rather a dresser.

"So what do you think about my room" Dean asked and pulled Castiel's attention back to him. A smile spread across his face before he said "I really like it Dean. It's beautiful". Dean's hand cupped his face and pulled him into a soft kiss. Dean's lips were soft and warm. Cas pulled away and immediately regretted it, missing the warmth already. They took off their jackets and shoes and then started undressing further. Cas went to his bag to grab a shirt to sleep in but then he remembered that all of his shirts were dirty. He stared at his bag without moving. "What's going on" Dean asked while taking off his jeans. "I don't have a clean shirt to sleep in" Cas said shyly, blushing slightly. Dean approached him and wrapped his arms around him. "You don't need a shirt" he said in a low voice, a grin spreading across his face. "I know but I would feel more comfortable" he said still not looking into Dean's eyes. Dean put a finger underneath Castiel's chin and made Castiel look at him. When his eyes met Dean's he couldn't stop himself from staring into those green eyes. He leaned in closer and gave Dean another kiss. They mouths melted together and Dean's arms around his neck tightened as he pulled him even closer. They separated again and Dean said with a slight smirk "Fine you can have on of my shirts" and went to one of his drawers and pulled one out.

Cas put the gray shirt on and looked at himself in the mirror. The shirt was clearly too big for his body but he didn't care. Dean appeared and hugged him from behind, resting his chin on Castiel's head. They stayed like this for some time before going to bed. They fell asleep almost immediately, Castiel wrapping his arms around Dean's waist. Cas woke up at 3am, sweat soaking his shirt. He sat up and tried to stop himself from hyperventilating. He felt strong arms wrap around him, Dean's body pressing against his own, Dean humming a soothing melody. "It's going to be okay Cas. I am here" he said reassuringly, stroking Castiel's hair. Cas calmed down after some time, his heartbeat slowing down and his breath went back to normal. They stayed like this for a long time and even after they laid back down, Dean refused to let go of Cas. Castiel buried his face in the crook of Dean's neck and wrapped his arm around his neck. Dean kissed Castiel's head and tightened his grip around him slightly. The exhaustion caught up with them eventually and they fell asleep, both with their arms around each other.

artwork by unknown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I am sorry it took me so long to update but I had finals this week and so I had no time to write.  
> I hope you like this chapter; there is a lot of fluff in it...


	12. The three words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some normal days...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter has a lot of fluff in it. Enjoy  
> Ps: After not posting for so long I though I would post two chapters this week  
> Song: wonderwall by Oasis

The next day Cas was still snuggled against Dean's chest. He opened his eyes sleepily and smiled when he saw Dean was still asleep. He shifted slightly but refused to get up. He just laid there, looking at Dean. After some time Dean opened his eyes and looked down at Castiel who had his head on Dean's chest. "Morning" he mumbled and placed a kiss on Castiel's head. "Good morning Dean" he said and lifted his head to kiss Dean on the lips. They stayed in bed for some time before Cas went to shower. Dean had given him a towel and had gone down to make some breakfast. The bathroom was small and practical. Cas showered and went back to Dean's room. He went to his duffle only to realize that he still hadn't washed his clothes. He grabbed a shirt and a pair of ripped jeans from Dean's closet and put them on. The pants fit almost perfectly but the shirt, a gray AC/DC shirt, was a little bit too big.

He walked downstairs his hair messy and still a little bit wet. He entered the kitchen and when Dean saw him, he almost dropped the mug in his hand. "Cas... are these my clothes" he asked and Cas nodded shyly. "You look super hot in them, man I want to do so many things with you right now and..." he trailed off as he walked towards Cas.  The other man blushed and looked at the floor. "So you think I look good" Cas asked still not looking at Dean who was now standing in front of him. "Yes you always do" Dean said softly and cupped Castiel's face with his hand. Cas looked up and Dean kissed him softly. "Morning... oh... uhm sorry I didn't want to interrupt but..." Sam muttered when he entered the kitchen. The two men pulled away and took a few steps back, both blushing furiously. "Good morning Sam" Cas said and walked towards the coffee mashing to pour himself a cup. "So Sammy are you hungry" Dean asked and went to continue preparing breakfast. "No I ate after my morning run and now I'll go and meet with Jess" the younger Winchester said, clearly uncomfortable. "Ok fine, text me when you get there" Dean said. "Yes mom " Sam said with a sassy tone in his voice. "Bitch". "Jerk" Sam said over his shoulder and exited the house.

Dean made eggs and bacon and they sat down at the couch. Their classes for the net week had been cancelled due to some financial problems, which meant that they had one more week before they had to be back in Lawrence. They went to the city that day and walked through, for Dean's taste, way to many bookstores. They were at the sixth shop when Dean pulled Castiel towards the back of the shop. "What are you doing" Cas asked but Dean had just smiled at him sheepishly. Dean suddenly stopped and Cas almost bummed into him. "What the..." Cas said before he saw what Dean was looking at. A photo booth. "You are kidding, right" Cas said staring at Dean. "No" he said happily. "I am not going inside there" Cas said and tried to pull his hand out of Deans grip. "Come on please" Dean whined and pulled him back. "We have been walking through bookstores the whole day, let's have some fun. Please. Do it for me. I want to remember this day with my boyfriend". His _boyfriend_ Cas repeated the word in his head. Cas was Dean's boyfriend. He stood there for a few seconds before sighting and moving towards the booth. They took four pictures. The first three were just them messing around and on the last one (they both knew how cliché it was) kissed. They exited the booth giggling and waited for the pictures to be printed. Dean took them and they both looked at them. Dean put the pictures in his pocket and walked towards the exit.

The rest of the day they spent walking around the city or listening to music in the park. Back at home, Sam had texted Dean what he would stay at Jess's house, they took a blanket and something to eat and went outside and sat on the porch, snuggled inside the thick blanket. They just sat there and talked about different subjects. “Wait here" Dean said suddenly and stood up. "Where are you going" Cas asked but Dean was already inside. When he came back, he had a guitar in his hand. "No" Cas said, refusing to take the instrument Dean was holding towards his direction. "Come on I only heard you play once and that was when we had fought" Dean said sitting down again pressing his shoulder against Castiel's. Cas looked at him for a few moments before sighting and taking the guitar. He knew he couldn't argue about that with Dean. He felt the familiar shape when he steadied the guitar on his knee and pulled a few strings. He played a few cord before playing an actual melody and Cas started singing.

 

 

 _Today is gonna be the day_  
_That they're gonna throw it back to you_  
_By now you should've somehow_  
_Realized what you gotta do_  
_I don't believe that anybody_  
_Feels the way I do, about you now_

 

 _Backbeat, the word was on the street_  
_That the fire in your heart is out_  
_I'm sure you've heard it all before_  
_But you never really had a doubt_  
_I don't believe that anybody_  
_Feels the way I do about you now_

 

 _And all the roads we have to walk are winding_  
_And all the lights that lead us there are blinding_  
_There are many things that I_  
_Would like to say to you but I don't know how_

 

 _Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me_  
_And after all, you're my wonderwall_

 

The whole time he was singing he was looking into Deans eyes. He smiled when he finished and let the music bleed out. The night was silent and Dean didn't say anything, he just stared at Cas. Then he leaned forward and kissed Castiel. It was a short kiss and Dean pulled back enough to look into Castiel's blue eyes. "I love you Castiel Novak" Dean said. Cas only hesitated for a moment before replying with "I love you too Dean Winchester". They kissed again and Cas smiled into the kiss. The kiss got more passionate and They were soon making out. Dean pulled Cas onto his lap and then slowly stood up, Cas wrapping his legs around Dean's waist. They walked up the stairs like that and found themselves on Dean's bed. They were pulling at each others shirts until they were only in their pants. Dean's hands found the edge of Castiel's pants and started pulling them down but a hand stopped him. Dean looked up and saw Cas looking at him with a somewhat scared expression. Dean immediately stopped and  laid down besides Cas. "I am sorry" Cas said "but I am not ready yet" he looked at Dean with a apologizing expression. "Hey you don't have to be sorry. We can take it slow. I got carried away..." Dean said in embarrassment. Instead of saying something, Cas brushed over his cheek with his hand. "I said I wasn't ready for _that_ but I never said you should stop" Cas said sheepishly and a grin formed on Dean's lips. He laid his body over Castiel's again and continued kissing him. They didn't sleep much that night.

 

The next day they went down to the police station, to file a lawsuit against Lucifer. They had to fill out the standard paperwork before they could fill out the lawsuit for verbal, mental and physical abuse and domestic violence. The person that helped them was really friendly and tried her best so that both of them understood what they had to do and what would happen after they filled legal action. They finished around lunch time and then went to the nearest burger place to grab something to eat. Dean was happily eating his burger while Cas was just looking at his food without really eating it. "Hey what's going on" Dean asked. "Nothing" Cas lied and Dean put his burger down, sighting. "You know I can tell when you are lying and you know that I'm not gonna leave you alone until you tell me what's going on". Cas fidgeted with the hem of his sleeve before saying something. "I am worried about the lawsuit" Cas said finally. "Don't worry everything will turn out fine and even if it doesn't you still did the right thing. I know they are family but family doesn't treat you like that" Dean reached over the table and took Castiel's hand into his. "You are probably right". "Of course I am, and now eat your food" dean said happily and continued eating. After that Cas didn't think about it anymore and instead focused on having a nice time with his boyfriend.

One night they were woken up by a noise coming from downstairs. Cas turned towards Dean who was already out of bed. "Where are you going" Cas asked with a sleepy voice. "I'll be right back" was the only thing Dean said before exiting the room. Cas had fallen asleep and when he woke up the next morning, Dean was next to him. He smiled before standing up and heading for the shower. The water was hot against his skin but he didn't care. When he finished he walked over to the sink and splashed some cold water on his face. He looked at himself in the mirror and thought that he looked healthier than before  which made him happy. After getting dressed he walked downstairs to find the living room and the kitchen empty. A note was on the kitchen counter.

_Hey I had to go pick up Sammy_

_and after that I have some stuff_

_to do in the city. I'll be back at around_

_5pm. Food is in the refrigerator._

_Dean_

Cas frowned at the note and made his way to the coffee machine to make himself a coffee. He had no idea what he should do and so he went upstairs and pulled his notebook out. He started scribbling pieces of poems and songs down until he had enough and decided to go out and discover the city alone. He walked through bookstores and tried on different shirts and jackets until he decided to buy a beige trench coat. He had seen it when he was walking out of a store and decided to try it on. He loved it and bought it without hesitation. He was so happy with his purchase that when he exited the shop he put the long trench coat on, which was something he never did. When lunch came around he went to a coffee shop and ordered something to eat and a cappuccino. His phone started ringing and when he saw who was calling he almost dropped it. The name on the screen read _Dad_. His hand started to shake a little but he turned his phone off completely and continued his lunch. He wasn't going to ruin his mood again. If his father wanted something he didn't care. He had seen what caring about other people who didn't deserve it had brought him.

After lunch, it was almost 5pm when he left the small shop, he made his way back to the Winchester's house. He saw the Impala parked outside and a grin started to spread across his features. He entered the house and took his shoes off. "Dean" he said walking further into the house. "In the living room" Dean said and Cas walked into the small living room. Dean was sitting on the couch watching TV. He turned towards Cas and stood up. They kissed for a few seconds before Dean pulled away. "Sorry I had to leave this morning but I had some stuff to take care of" dean said apologetically. "Don't worry. I finally had time to go out and look through the shops without being annoyed every few seconds that it's boring" Cas teased. Only then Dean seemed to notice the trench coat Castiel was wearing. "Did you buy this today" he asked. "Yes I saw it and I couldn't resist" Cas said with a smile. "Do you like it". "I love it". Dean pulled Castiel towards him grabbing the edge of the trench coat. They kissed and soon they were sitting on the old couch, Dean pulling Castiel's coat off and throwing it next to him, while Cas did the same with dean's flannel. Dean's hand wandered to the hem of Castiel's shirt and then touched his skin. Dean's hands were cold on his hot skin but he didn't care. Cas was kissing Dean's collarbone while his hand was stroking his hair. Things got heated between them but they never did anything, both of them weren't ready for.

They ate dinner with Sam and Jess and after that watched a movie. It was a really great way to enjoy the rest of the day. Cas and dean were in Dean's bed, Dean combing Castiel's hair with his hands. "What was that noise last night" Cas asked. Dean thought about it for a seconds before he said. "A flower pot fell off the window and broke into a million pieces. Apparently I forgot to close the window that night." Dean said. Silence filled the room for a few seconds, before any of them spoke. "My dad called me today" Cas said into the silence. Dean stopped combing his hair and steadied himself on his elbow to have a better look at Castiel. "What did he want" he said and Cas could see anger starting to rise inside him. "I don't know I didn't answer". Dean's body relaxed and he dropped back down onto his side. "Okay good. He is probably angry because he got the lawsuit or something but don't let those sons of bitches get to you anymore. You did the right thing, even if it doesn't seem like that now" Dean said reassuringly and pulled him into a tight hug. Cas didn't say anything and instead buried his face into Dean's crook. Dean placed a kiss on top of his hair and then turned around to close the light.

 

 artwork: Impala Love by stehfuhknee on deviant art


	13. The things alcohol can do to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, we finally meet John Winchester...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it took me so long to update but I have a lot to do (despite having holidays) and I wanted to update yesterday but I wasn't feeling pretty good. Hope you like this chapter though.

Castiel woke up at 4 am and saw that Dean wasn't next to him and Cas started panicking. Where was Dean, why wasn't he there, did anything happen to him. Cas started to freak out and decided to get some fresh air. He put on a hoodie and walked downstairs. He saw that the light in the kitchen was on and so he walked towards it. Dean was standing in front of the fridge. Cas sighted in relieve but didn't approach. He cleared his throat and Dean's head shot towards him. He could see the momentary shock in his eyes before they softened and he closed the door of the fridge. "what are you doing up so late" Cas asked and approached him. "Nothing I couldn't sleep that's all" Dean said not looking at Cas. Castiel could see that he was lying because he wasn't looking at him. "Dean you know I can tell when you are lying, right," Cas said and cupped his face. "What is going on". Dean didn't say anything at first but then sighted. "My father is coming back tomorrow and I am concerned about it" Dean admitted and sat leaned against the counter. "Don't worry Dean, everything will be fine. I am here for you. I will never leave you" Cas pressed a kiss to his lips and then to his forehead. "I love you, you know that," Dean said with a light smile and kissed Cas again. It was a soft kiss. "I know. Let's go to bed now, I am tired and I don't want to sleep in until 3 pm again" Cas said dragging Dean behind him by his wrist. "I thought you liked those days. And either way, we have a few free days left, we need to enjoy them". "I know but I want to study a bit tomorrow morning". They were now inside Dean's room again and both of them walked towards the bed, falling onto it. Cas pulled Dean into his arms and rested his chin on Dean's head. "Everything will be fine," he said quietly before falling asleep.  

The next day Cas was studying the whole morning. Dean had gone out to get some groceries for the next few days. The whole time Cas could see how tense Dean was. He didn't know what had happened with his father but it had to be pretty bad for him to be so unease all the time. It was past 9 pm when they heard someone trying to open the door with a key. They were all sitting in the living room, when a man entered the house, clearly drunk. He threw his jacket on the floor and walked towards them. "Hey dad," Dean said, trying to act as normal as possible. "That goddamn sucker played me but he already regretted the day he was born after I was finished with him" the man slurred and walked towards the kitchen. Only now did Cas notice the bruised face and the small cuts. "Did you get into a fight again?" Dean asked straightening his back. "He deserved it and it is none of your business anyway," the man said, his voice rising slightly. "Guys go upstairs please and don't come out no matter what you hear. Lock the doors" Dean's voice was demanding and he slowly stood up, approaching his father. Cas and Sam stood up and went upstairs. Cas did as he was told and locked the door. He could hear raised voices and then something breaking. Another loud thump and then silence. The whole time his heart was racing and he was anxious about what was going on. _What if Dean needed his help_ , he asked himself but he was interrupted by a door slamming shut, then a soft knock on the door. "Cas it's me," Dean said, his voice quiet. Cas opened the door and sighed as Dean walked in, his face slightly bruised. Castiel's eyes filled with concern. "What happened, are you okay". Dean sat down on the bed with a grunt. "Yes I am fine" but Cas didn't believe him. "You don't look fine". The other man sat next to him, looking at his face. "I said I am fine, Cas" Dean snapped and then stood up and exited the room, slamming the door shut.

He heard the engine of the Impala and stoop up to see Dean drive away. Cas stood there and looked at the road the car had just disappeared. He was scared for Dean. He didn't want him to be driving with such anger in him but he also knew that he couldn't stop him, so he went to bed. He was woken up by a loud noise from downstairs. He slowly got out of bed and walked down the stairs. He could hear a voice singing, or at least trying to because he could hear that person was drunk. When he was at the last step he saw Dean stumble towards the sofa before falling on top of it. Cas walked towards him and stopped in front of the couch. "Heey Casiel" Dean slurred and tried to sit up, which didn't work. "Hey, Dean" Cas said softly and helped Dean sit up before they walked upstairs and into Dean bedroom. While Dean laid on his bed, Cas brought him a glass of water which he drank thankfully before falling back onto the bed. Cas helped Dean out of his shoes and shirt, while Dean was talking some incomprehensible words. When Cas started pulling Dean's pant off, the younger man could finally understand what his boyfriend was saying "hey Cas if you wanted to be the top one you could've jus said so u kno". "Oh shut up and lift your hips," Cas said with a smile. Dean was so cute when he was drunk. "Oh I can lift more than jus ma hips" Dean laughed but did as he was told. Cas finally threw the fabric on the floor before dropping onto the bed as well.

"Come ere" Dean said and pulled Cas against his naked chest. They lay there and Cas thought that Dean had fallen asleep "You kno my father hasn't always been like at" Dean started and broke the silence. "He used to be a kind man who loved his family and would never do anything tohurt'em. After my mother died, he started drinkin and came home drunk every night" Dean paused. "It started mostly with verbal abuse. Said I was the reason for my mum's death. After a few months, he came started getting physical. He never hit Sammy. I never letim get to Sammy. I hated, and still, hate him for leavin us without food for sometimes weeks. The older I got, the more he did to me but he never hurt Sammy, ever" Dean finished and placed his head on Castiel's chest. Cas just held him tightly not saying anything. He knew how hard it must be for Dean and even though he needed alcohol do trust Cas enough to tell him about his past, Cas was still grateful. He felt something wet on his shirt and only then realized that Dean was trembling. He grabbed him by the shoulder and pushed him away slightly to look at him. Dean's eyes were red-rimmed and his cheeks were wet. Castiel's hand touched Dean's cheek and wiped away a tear.  "I know that I can't change what happened to you but I want you to know that I will never leave you. I'll be there for you" Cas said and a small smile spread across Deans' face. "That souned cheesy as hell u kno" Dean said and leaned in to kiss Cas. It was a soft kiss at first but it soon became more passionate. They broke apart and Dean laid his head back on Castiel's chest. Cas fell asleep listening to the soft breathing of Dean.

Cas was woken up by a groan. He looked over to see Dean with a hand on his head. Cas knew Dean had a bad hangover. He didn't look at Cas right away and instead turned towards the nightstand and took the glass of water and downed it gratefully. "Mornin," he said with a husky and deep voice. "Morning to you too. How do you feel". Dean was now facing Cas. "Horrible. I am having the worst headache" he stated before leaning in to give Cas a kiss. Cas broke the kiss pretty fast and looked at Dean, his nose crinkled. "What," the other man asked. "Well I don't want to be rude but you need a shower. Now". "Is it really that bad?" Dean asked. "Yes," Dean groaned as he stood up and exited the room. Cas decided to cook some breakfast even though his cooking wasn't as good as Dean's.

Apparently, John wasn't there, which relieved Cas. He cooked some scrambled eggs and bacon and chose to make a fruit salad for Sam, since he knew the younger Winchester tried to eat healthy, compared to his brother. He heard footsteps and when he turned around he saw Dean walking down, his hair still wet from the shower. The other man walked up to him and gave him a soft kiss before grabbing the painkiller which was on the kitchen counter. Before he could take one, Cas reached out and stopped him. "What," Dean asked. "You need to eat first otherwise it's not going to work". Dean sighed and sat down at the kitchen table, clearly annoyed. "Don't be grumpy, you'll thank me later". Cas sat down next to Dean after putting the food onto the table. Sam came downstairs a few minutes later and they ate while having a light and happy conversation. John had apparently gone to work or whatever and Dean looked more relaxed even though Cas knew something was still bothering him.

After they cleaned up if you could call it that, with Dean always trying to distract Cas, they went upstairs and started packing. They decided that they wouldn't stay any longer. "Hey, Dean," Cas said, packing away a t-shirt, "Yes". "We need to talk about last night. I feel like something is bothering you". Dean let his bag drop to the floor and sat down on the edge of the bed. Cas joined him and they sat in silence for a few moments. "Look Cas, what I said last night..." he stopped to gather his thoughts "I was really wasted and I didn't want to tell you like that. I wanted to be sober and actually remember what your reaction was and... and I am sorry I just started rambling and..." Dean started to drift off, losing himself in his thoughts. Cas laid a hand on his shoulder which made Dean look at him. "It's okay Dean, don't worry. I know you wanted to be sober but still, you didn't force this onto me. I would have liked it if you hadn't needed alcohol to open up but I appreciate it anyways" Cas stopped and looked into Dean's eyes. "I'll tell you what I told you yesterday. I'll always be there for you no matter what. I know I can't change what happened but I can be there for you in the future and don't you _ever_ apologize for trusting people enough, to tell them how you feel. And especially not to me" Cas leaned forward and kissed Dean. It was a soft kiss and when they broke apart Dean whispered "I love you" before kissing Cas more passionately.

It was already after 7 pm when they decided to leave. All three of them were ready to go. When Dean opened the door, he froze. His father was standing in front of him, clearly drunk, and before Dean could do anything, he felt a fist collide with his face.

 


	14. The world is ugly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, we learn a bit more about Dean's past. They also have an encounter with John and after they have to face new and maybe even bigger problems...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys,  
> sorry I haven't uploaded in such a long time. I haven't forgotten about this story don't worry I just had a lot to do for school and after that, I was away for a week meaning I had now internet. I also got sick which made it hard to write and I found a beta reader, who I want to thank for reading this chapter and helping me.  
> so shoutout to E. for being so awesome.  
> PS: This chapter is super long and I hope you enjoy it.  
> Winchester_destiel

Dean woke up to raised voices. It was still dark outside. He looked around the room, his eyes trying to focus on the alarm clock on his bedside table. It was a bit after 2:30 am, November 2nd. The air was smelling like burned wood which started to scare the young boy. Dean stood up and opened his door. A flood of heat crashed into his body and he backed away slightly, his eyes still adjusting to the light. He ran to Sammy's room and froze. The whole room was on fire, his father having his back towards Dean, Sam in his arms. Fear rushed through his veins, the heat almost unbearable. John turned around and yelled something at Dean. The young boy was too shocked to understand until his father handed him his little brother and said over the sound of the flames "Take your brother outside as fast as you can" and with that Dean ran outside, not turning around. He heard screams, female screams mostly but for some reason, he didn't stop running until the cold night air hit his face. Sammy was crying and screaming and Dean tried to calm him down. He was standing on the opposite side of the street when his father ran outside the fully burning building and came towards them. John was looking at the house, tears in his eyes. Dean didn't understand what happened and where his mom was. It only took him a few seconds to understand though and then he automatically fell on his knees and started sobbing.  
The next days were all blurry and dark. He remembered waking up crying and shaking, from the night of the accident. He always slept with Sammy after that terrible night, not wanting to ever leave his younger brother alone again. All of this had happened when Dean was only five years old. Sam was only six months old and so he couldn't understand what had happened.  
The years passed and John changed. He became more closed up, not that Dean could blame him after what had happened, he did the same. John started going out at night and coming home drunk, getting more violent and angry.  The day Sam had asked Dean what had happened to their mother, was the first day John became physical. He had interrupted them, it was night and after 3am, and he had seen Sam, and dean, crying. He must have understood what had happened and had slapped Dean across the face for telling Sam.  After that John had started getting physical more often. Dean had always taken the blow. He has had more broken ribs and bruises than he could count but he didn't care, as long as Sammy was safe. John had never touched Sam. Dean would never let that happen. Never. He had made that promise to himself and he was going to keep it.  
________________________________________  
Dean stumbled backward but didn't lose his balance. At least that had gotten some distance between them. He looked at his father who was still not able to stand straight properly. Cas wanted to do something but he knew that it wouldn't be a good idea. He looked at Dean. His face was hard and his hands were clenched into fists. "Where do you think you are going!" his father asked angrily.  
"As far away from you as possible" Dean answered, his knuckles turning white.  
"You can go but your brother stays". Cas glanced at Sam, who was standing next to him and saw the younger Winchesters body tighten.  
"No, I am not leaving Sammy alone here with you. Not after what you did last week to him", Dean was almost yelling now and was getting closer to John. The other man didn't back away though and they were soon standing only inches away.  
"He is my son and I can do whatever I want,  understand!", he growled, " and he got away easily". That was it for Dean. He punched his father in the face and then threw his whole body onto the other man, causing them to fall to the floor.  
John's head hit the floor with a loud bang but Dean didn't stop for a second and instead continued to hit him. Blood was running out of his nose and his lip was bleeding as well. John tried to take control of the fight a few times until he punched his son with such a force that he was able to push his body to the side and rolling onto Dean, gaining control. And now he was beating Dean who was lying with his back on the hallway floor. "You are an abomination", he said between punches, "if you leave with Sam, I'll call the police". Sam was about to run towards them when Cas put a hand on the taller boys arm to hold him back. Sam looked at him and he could see the urge to help Dean but he relaxed slightly and Cas let his hand fall to his side. He didn't want to hold Sam back but he knew it would only make things worse.  
"You aren't going to call anyone because if you do, you'll get locked up and you know that," Dean said, trying to take control again.  
Castiel was looking to Sam, trying to figure out what was going on in the younger Winchesters head, when the loud sounds suddenly stopped. He looked to where the two men were, only to see that Dean was unconscious and John was slowly standing up. Castiel's body tightened and he backed away slightly. Sam did the same thing. John slowly turned around and was now looking at them. His face looked horrible. He had a lot of bruises and his lip had a cut. He came towards them and before they could do anything, he grabbed Sam by the collar of his shirt and pushed him against the nearest wall. Cas saw Sam flinching from the pain and then John was screaming. Cas was too shocked to hear what he was saying and he wanted to help dean but he didn't. Instead, he turned his attention towards John who had punched Sam in the face. Blood was dripping out of the boy's nose. Castiel walked towards them and then grabbed John's hand before he could punch Sam again. John turned his full attention towards Cas and a chill ran down his spine. The look on John's face was filled with pure rage and anger. He freed his hand out of Castiel's grip and punched his torso. All the air in his lungs left his body when he stumbled backwards and fell to the ground.  
He felt a shoe hitting his lower abdomen and he could feel his stab wound protesting. A few more kicks before he heard a loud grunt. He carefully opened his eyes and saw Dean standing over his, now unconscious, father, a broken beer bottle in his hand. He could barely stand up and after looking towards Sam, he fell down on his knees.  
"Cas are you okay?" was the first thing he asked. Cas nodded and tried to sit up but his wound was aching with every movement he made. He felt a strong hand gripping his arm and helped him sit up. It took Cas a few seconds to focus his blurry vision before looking at Dean. His boyfriend looked horrible. His nose was bleeding and he had a cut on his lip. The left side of his face had a few cuts and a big bruise was starting to bloom on his jaw.  
“How are you doing?” he asked.  
“I’m fine. I’ve had worse” Dean tried to stand up but failed. Cas was about to say something when Sam joined them. He didn’t look as bad as his older brother. He only had a few small bruises on his face. Without saying anything he helped Dean stand up who in return helped Cas. They were both unable to stand on their own and had to lean against each other. Each step Cas took was painful but he gritted his teeth and tried to ignore the pain. Sam took their bags and helped them get into the Impala. Dean was about to sit on the driver's seat until Sam held him back.  
“What if I drive?” he suggested.  
Dean looked at him not believing what his brother had just asked him. “No” was his only reply before entering the car. Sam probably knew that there would be no use in arguing with Dean and so he went to the back an entered the car. Dean grunted when he sat down.  
“Dean, maybe Sam is right. I don’t think you’re in the condition to drive” Cas said.  
Dean shot him an angry look. “I said I’m fine.” His voice was filled with rage and he gripped the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles turned white. Then he started the engine, leading them on the empty road.  
They didn't talk much during the ride. Each of them lost in their own thoughts. They stopped for food after several hours of driving but again, no one really spoke. Arriving at their apartment back in Lawrence, Sam went upstairs straight away and thus left Dean and Cas alone. Dean was the first to speak, “I am sorry for snapping at you.” Dean’s eyes filled with guilt. Cas raised a hand cupping his cheek.  
“It’s okay I am not mad at you” he assured the other man.  
"Dean, is everything okay?", he asked, walking up to the other man.  
"Yes I think so," he said not really convincing Cas.  
"What is going on? You hardly spoke the whole ride here and you didn't even sing along to any song that came on. I can see that something is bothering you. Please talk to me". Cas said and took Dean's hands into his.  
Dean sighted before answering. "I don't know. It's just I never thought that the situation would escalate so much. I couldn't stop him from hurting Sammy, or you. I failed..." he trailed off, not looking into Castiel's eyes.  
"Dean look at me" Cas demanded softly. Dean turned his attention back towards Castiel.  
"You haven't failed me, nor Sam. You saved us. If you weren't there, who knows what would have happened. You are a hero and I know that Sam thinks the same". His voice was soft and low. He kissed him softly before taking his hand and dragging him into the bathroom. It took them some time to clean their wounds properly but after they did, Cas went to Dean’s room, while Dean took care of Sam’s bruises as well.  
They cuddled for some time before they fell asleep, both of them exhausted from the fight and the trip. The next days they spent watching TV and doing their essays for university. It was a nice contrast to the last weeks. The first day of university they had to wake up at around 6:30am. Dean made breakfast for them and even a healthier version for Sammy. He was in a good mood, which was probably because John wasn't around. Cas woke up a bit later and after he took a shower and after that put on one of Dean's shirts. He walked downstairs, hair still wet and hugged Dean from behind. He put his head on his shoulder. Dean pressed a kiss against his damp hair and then Dean looked closely at Cas. A smirk spread across his lips.  
  
"You look good in my clothes". Cas blushed slightly and turned away. "You know you look so cute when you're embarrassed" he added and Cas blushed even harder. He turned around and then kissed Dean but pulled away, teasingly. Cas was about to turn around, when the taller man grabbed his wrist and turned him around, pressing his lips against Castiel's. His hands started tugging at Dean's hair, while Dean's hand was slowly wandering down Castiel's waist.  
Dean’s lips were so soft and Castiel let his tongue wander I’ve them, before entering Dean’s mouth. They were so caught up with themselves, that they didn’t hear Sam entering the kitchen. He cleared his throat and they broke away, both flustered and breathing heavily from their kissing, a few seconds earlier. They both didn’t look Sam in the eyes and just sat down at the table. They had a light conversation about what they had to do today and if Cas would continue staying with them. Cas had to admit that he hadn’t thought about it yet but he wanted to go to his apartment for a few days and take care of a few things.  
They drove Sam to school and then continued for the university. While they were driving, Dean’s hand found Castiel’s and he entwined their fingers. At the university, Cas gave Dean’s hand a squeeze before leaning towards him and kissing the taller man. They didn’t have any classes together but they said that they would meet for lunch.  
Castiel’s first class today was psychology and he was really excited to have something to do again. Not that the last weeks hadn’t been great, but he could finally forget for a while and not get lost in his thoughts. Time flew by and suddenly it was lunchtime already. He sat at the wooden cafeteria tables with Dean. there weren’t that many people in the cafeteria, a group of girls on his right and some people with their noses in their books barely remembering to eat.  “I have an idea,” the man across from him said, “ what do you say we go see a movie this Friday and then grab something to eat?”. Cas thought about this idea for a moment. “I would like that”. He said smiling.  
After all his classes had finished he went home. He entered his apartment and almost stepped onto the letters that were lying on his floor. Castiel quickly collected them and started shuffling through them. They were mostly flyers, one about a new pizza place that opened and some discounts on products, but then he saw one that piqued his interest. It was a white envelope with the words “Kansas Courthouse” on it. Castiel’s hands were shaking. He was so nervous to open this envelope. Cas had wanted to do something about his family for such a long time and now that the time was there he wasn’t sure if he wanted to open it after all. He ignored his inner turmoil and almost ripped the letter, while he was trying to open it. While reading it his heartbeat increased so much that his heart was hammering against his rib cage. His case would be presented to court. He had to be there on Monday at 8am. Cas texted Dean as quickly as possible to let him know. He then decided to take a nice warm shower to calm his nerves a bit.  
  
A knock on his door made him look up from his essay writing. He walked to his door and was a little bit shocked when he saw Anna standing in front of him. She was looking a little bit angry, even though she probably was happy to see him. They stood like this for a few moments before she hugged him tightly.  
They entered his house and sat down on his brown fake leather sofa. They sat in silence for a few moments before they got into a casual conversation. Anna told him what had happened in her life and that she was now in a relationship with that guy she had met that night at the freshmen party, Crowley. She was really happy with him and Castiel was happy for her. He told her about the last two weeks and all the stuff that had happened with his and Dean's family. The fight with Dean and the wound on his lower back. Anna listened to him carefully without interrupting him. When he finished, Anna said "Oh my god, I had no idea. I will testify in court if that's what you need to lock that jerk away". Cas looked at her happy to have her as a friend.  
"Thank you. I don't know if it’s going to be necessary but I appreciate the offer". They continued talking about everything and nothing for a few more hours before she left and Castiel finally went to bed.  
The next day Castiel went to university. He was really tired since he didn't get a good night's sleep yesterday. He mind had been constantly racing about the same thoughts over and over again; The trial in a few days and how it would turn out, overthinking was something he always did even though he hated it. About Dean and their relationship, how far they had come until now. And of course, his nightmares had started again. The classes went by slow and he couldn't really concentrate. He got some assignments back and he was surprised to see how good they were. At lunch, he sat together with Dean. They had a light conversation and Dean told him about how he had a test at the end of the week and that his essays went pretty good too. After lunch, Castiel just wanted to go home. He was so tired but he had one last class, history,  and he couldn't miss that. He was sitting on his seat and had trouble holding his eyes open. The teacher was telling something about one of Shakespeare's poems when the bell rang. He got up like all the other students and just wanted to leave when the teacher said they should wait just a few more seconds. Their professor announced that they would have an exam tomorrow which would make out 20% of their grade. Cas didn't really pay a lot of attention to this and just wanted to go home and sleep a little.  
Even though he knew that he should probably study, he simply wasn’t able to and he knew that if he would try to, it wouldn’t benefit him at all. So he decided to sleep for a few hours and then pull an all-nighter, which was something he had done a lot of times so he was used to it. His alarm went off at around 4:45pm and after making himself something to eat, he sat down and started studying.  
 He wanted to do a good job on that exam and so he buried his face in books and notes. he had been studying for a few hours, notebooks and flashcards spread across his floor and bed, together with open textbooks and loose sheets of paper. His eyes were hurting and he could barely concentrate anymore but he tried to ignore those factors. He needed this grade and he wasn't going to fail this test or this class. A knock on the door pulled his attention away from the textbook he was reading and towards the door. "Come in," he said. He hadn't locked his door. Dean entered his apartment and walked towards him, leaving his jacket in the hallway. "Hey what are you doing?" he asked and sat down next to him. "Well my professor told us today that tomorrow we are going to write an exam that will make up 20% of our final grade,” Cas said not even looking up from his textbook. "Jerk" was Dean's only response. "I thought that we could watch a movie or something but looks like you have other plans".  
 "Sadly yes and if you don't mind I need silence. You can stay if you want but I really have to study". Dean moved closer to him and lifted Castiel's chin with his finger, forcing Cas to look at him. They just stared at each other for a few seconds before Dean pressed a soft kiss onto Castiel's lips. When they pulled away, Cas had a shy smile on his lips.  
"I'll stay and help you study," Dean said happily and grabbed the book closest to him. He looked at the cover of it and grimaced. "The history of the greatest writers, really?" he asked and opened it to a random page and started reading. "Shakespeare is considered one of England's greatest writers. He has written over almost 200 works and writers still get inspired from his work. How boring" Dean stated and closed the book again. "If you are just here to say how boring this is you are free to go," Cas said teasingly. After some teasing Dean promised to behave and they actually managed to study a lot and when they finished Castiel felt prepared. It was almost 2am and Dean decided to spend the night there. Castiel's exam was at 1pm so he could at least get a decent amount of sleep. Dean quickly texted Sammy that he wouldn't come home tonight and then they both got ready for bed. Cas fell asleep immediately from the exhaustion and stress he had over the past hours.  
Even though he was prepared he still decided to wake up at 9am and go over everything again. He was sitting on his sofa when a strong pair of arms wrapped around his shoulders and a chin was placed on top of his head. "Good morning," Cas said and placed his hands over Dean's arms. Dean mumbled a morning and then pressed a kiss on Castiel's hair. He continued kissing him and traveling down over Castiel's ear and then to his neck. He bit him slightly and then kissed the place. Cas started smiling and Dean did the same, a grin spreading on his face.  
"Dean I have to study," Cas said, clearly trying to concentrate but he couldn't stop himself from smiling.  
"Come on", Dean whined, "you know this stuff. We went over it so many times yesterday". Cas sighed and looked at Dean, closing the book in his lap.  
"Fine but not long..." Cas didn't get to finish his sentence because soft lips were placed on his. Dean walked around the sofa and then sat next to Cas and continued kissing him. The kisses got more heated and Castiel's fingers pulled at Dean's hair. The other man's hands were gliding over Castiel's back and then underneath his shirt. Cas shivered at the touch but didn't say anything, only when Dean's hands started pulling his shirt up.  
Cas pulled away and looked at Dean who automatically looked a little shocked and tried to apologize "Cas... I am sorry. I wasn't thinking. I got carried away...", he rambled but Cas cut him off.  
"It's okay Dean, you don't have to apologize. It's okay" Cas said reassuringly and kissed Dean again, this time softer. They exchanged a few more kisses before Cas said  
“Dean I really need to study again”. Dean pressed a kiss to his neck and Cas tilted his head to give Dean more access. The other man chuckled against his skin  
“Are you sure?” he asked kissing Castiel’s neck again. Castiel mumbled a yes but didn’t move. Dean pulled away completely now, looking at Cas. He smiled  
 “You really have to learn not to get carried away and now continue studying please because otherwise, you’ll regret it later. We can continue later if you want”. Cas was amazed at Dean’s determination and after one last soft kiss, he actually continued because he knew Dean was right. They could continue later.  
After a few more hours of Castiel studying and Dean either looking at him or doing stuff for university himself, they got ready to go. During the ride, their hands were almost always intertwined, except when Dean had to change gear. Dean dropped Cas off and then drove away, after giving him a quick kiss. Cas was anxious about this exam. He wasn't really good at history and so he was even more anxious that he would normally be. He had heard that this professor is one of the most strict teachers. Cas had the feeling that this teacher had something against him for some reason. Every time Castiel would ask him something after the lesson, he would always be really short in his answers or kind of rude, so Cas really wanted to succeed in this exam.  
 He arrived in front of the classroom almost half an hour earlier than he had to which gave him enough time to look at his notes. He entered the room at 11:55am and walked to his seat. He was really afraid and nervous, his hands were clammy and he kept bouncing his knees up and down. But still, he tried to focus on the task at hand and ignoring his nerves.  
  
He left the room with a good feeling in his stomach. He thought that it went pretty well and as long as his grade was enough to pass the class, he didn't really care. The next few days passed by quickly. He spent a lot of time with Dean but also with Anna and she introduced him to Crowley. Cas liked him even though he thought that he was a little bit arrogant and he had a lot of sass but as long as he made Anna happy, it was fine. On Saturday, Cas was going to spend the night at Dean's place, since Sam wasn't there. Dean had decided to drive Sam to one of his friends, Kevin. Since Cas wasn't really in the mood to go with them, he stayed at the Winchester's apartment. He was sitting on Dean's bed when he started thinking about the past few weeks and especially his brother. Without realizing it he had pulled his sleeve up and was looking at the faint scars that covered his arm. He went over them with a finger, feeling the uneven skin underneath his hand. He started crying and pulled his knees up to his body, with his arms around them. He was afraid of what would happen at the trial if it even got to one and then he remembered that they didn't even have a lawyer to defend them. He thought how horrible it would be if he lost and what satisfaction that would give his family. He didn't want that and theoretically, he knew that he could do something about it but his mind was racing and didn't let him think properly. Cas was still crying, he had no idea how much time had passed when he heard a knock on the door and then the door was slowly pushed open. Cas knew who it was and he didn't even look up when Dean sat next to him and pulled him into a tight hug, running his fingers through Castiel's messy hair.  
Dean didn't say anything. He knew that Cas would talk to him eventually and he wasn't wrong. After some more minutes had passed Cas whispered almost not audible, "What if we lose?". Dean shifted slightly.  
"What are you talking about?" he asked confused.  
"The court appointment on Monday", Cas gripped Dean's shirt tightly.  
"It will all go fine. They won't let that not go to trial".  
 "But we don't even have a lawyer" Cas sighted. Dean thought about that for a moment before he said  
"Didn't you tell me that your brother Gabriel was a lawyer?" Dean asked.  
 "Yes…?" Cas was unsure about where this conversation would go.  
"What if we ask him if he can represent us" Dean suggested and Cas turned his head so that he could face Dean, a slight glimmer of hope in his eyes.  
 "That is actually a good idea. I could call him tomorrow. I am not sure because that would mean I have to tell him what happened...", Cas stopped to gather his thoughts, "but I guess I have to tell him at some point anyway". A soft smile spread across his lips. Dean leaned down and pressed a light kiss onto Castiel's lips before he broke away and wiped away a tear from the other man's cheek. Cas stood up and only then did he realize that his sleeve was still pulled up. He quickly pulled it down. Even though he knew that Dean had seen his scars, Dean didn't mention it and Cas was grateful for that.  
The next day Cas called Gabe and asked him if he could visit him later. A few hours after the phone call Dean and Cas were on their way to Gabriel's house. Castiel was nervous the whole time but holding Dean's hand helped him calm down a little. They pulled into the driveway next to another car, which was probably Gabriel's. Dean turned off the engine but both of them stayed in the car. Dean turned his head towards Cas and looked at him. "Hey are you okay?" he asked softly. Cas thought about it for a second. A soft smile spread across his lips. "Yea," he said in a soft voice and squeezed Dean's hand tighter. They exited the Impala and walked to the entrance of the house. Cas had never been here. After his brother had left for college when Cas was in his first year of High School, he hadn’t seen him again. They had stayed in contact through text messages and a few phone calls over the years but that had been it. His parents never told Gabriel about what they did to Castiel, even though Cas had done the same so that his brother wouldn’t worry about him.  
 They knocked once and a few seconds later Gabriel opened the door. He had changed so much since Cas had last seen him. His hair was longer than before and he had a light beard. He only hesitated for a moment before pulling Cas into a tight embrace. Gabe pulled away to look at Cas. Castiel was wearing black, ripped jeans and a black hoodie with the Led Zeppelin logo on it. He also wore the trench coat he had bought a few months back. "Didn't know you listened to Led Zeppelin" was the first thing his brother said to Cas.  
 "It's not mine" he admitted.  
"It's mine," Dean said next to him and this was the first time Gabriel really looked at Dean, questioningly.  
"And you are?" he asked with raised eyebrows.  
"Dean Winchester," he said holding out his hand to Gabe who shook it.  
 "Come in guys we can talk inside," Castiel's brother said, opening the door, even more, to let them in.  
They entered a big foyer with a huge staircase that leads to the first floor. It had a big chandelier hanging from the ceiling and a few pictures graced the walls. As they entered the living room Cas was amazed by it. The room was filled with a lot of bookshelves all around the walls. A big coffee table was in the middle of the room with two armchairs in a navy blue color. The same blue as the sofa which was next to one of the armchairs.    
  
They sat down in the living room, Cas and Dean next to each other on the sofa, an appropriate amount of space between them and Gabriel across from them on one of the chairs. They started having a casual conversation, small talk mostly before Gabriel said: "So you wanted to talk to me". Cas nodded.  
"About what?" Gabe asked and Cas briefly looked at Dean before saying  
"About a lawsuit".  
"Who are you suing?" his brother asked.  
Cas took a deep breath, "mom, dad, and Lucifer". There was a silence for a long time before someone spoke again.  
"Why?" Gabriel asked and then Cas told him everything. About his "outing", how his father and brother started abusing him, about high school, and of course about the last few weeks. When he finished, hours had passed and his brother hadn't interrupted him, he had tears in his eyes and his breath was faster than normal. He was holding Dean's hand, they fingers intertwined.  
"Cas I am so sorry I had no idea.." Gabe started but Cas cut him off.  
"It's okay you weren't there".  
"That is no excuse. I should have been there, done something..." he trailed off.  
"It's not your fault and I don't want you to blame yourself". Dean cleared his throat.  
"So... will you help us?" he asked. Gabe looked up with an expression on his face, Cas couldn't read.  
"Of course," he said and after that they sat together, talking about what they would do from now on. When they left Gabriel's house it was almost 8pm. He hugged Cas and even Dean, whispering something in his ear, Cas couldn't understand. They walked to the Impala and entered the car but Dean didn't start the engine right away. Instead, he turned towards Cas like he had done when they had arrived.  
"I am proud of you," he said a smile on his lips. Cas looked at him a little bit confused.  
 "For what?". Dean looked at him with disbelieve in his eyes.  
"Are you kidding me. You told your brother everything and I know how much strength it takes to relieve painful memories" Dean's hand reached out and cupped Castiel's cheek, stroking his thumb over his cheekbone and Cas leaned into the touch.  
"You're right. What did my brother say to you?" Cas asked a bit curiously. Dean's smile widened.  
"Well, he told me to keep you safe and to take care of you". Cas smiled at that too and leaned forward, kissing Dean once, before Dean turned back and started the engine.  
They arrived back almost at 1am, Cas deciding to stay at Dean's place so that they could leave soon the next day for court. They both had classes but obviously, they wouldn't go. They made ready for bed and then they crawled into bed. The room was dark and Cas wasn't facing Dean and was rather turned to the other direction, playing with the sleeve of his shirt. He always wore long sleeved shirts when he was sleeping, no matter which season it was or how warm it was outside. he hated the scars on his arms and he tried to cover them up whenever he could.  
 "Cas..." Dean's deep voice filled the room.  
"Yea," he said quietly.  
"Everything will be fine," he said, pressing Cas against his body. Cas didn't answer but rather continued playing with his sleeve. He knew Dean was right but his mind couldn't stop racing. Dean didn't say anything again and soon exhaustion came over him and he fell asleep.  
  
The alarm went off at 6:30am. Dean grunted next to him, searching with his hand for his phone, not really looking. He turned it off and then looked at Cas.  
 "Good morning," he said his voice raspy. Cas propped himself onto his elbow, his dark hair even messier than usual.  
 "Hey," he said, his voice just as raspy as Dean's. After lying in bed for some time they took turns in showering and then got ready. They would leave at around 7:30am. Even though the courthouse wasn't far away they wanted to be there earlier just in case something happened. Cas decided to wear black slacks, a white button-up shirt and a blue tie that complimented his eyes. He walked downstairs where Dean was preparing breakfast. When he saw Cas he let out a low whistle  
"Wow look at you, all dressed up". Cas smiled and kissed him on the cheek.  
"You aren't mad yourself, mister" he teased. Dean wore a gray suit with a black tie. Sam had slept at a friends house the night before and so he wasn't there yet.  
They sat down at the kitchen table. While Dean dug into his meal, Cas only took a few bites before just looking at it, lost in thoughts.  
 "You need to eat something". He looked up and saw Dean looking at him, concern in his eyes.  
"I know I am just not hungry". Castiel's stomach was clenched but he tried to force down a few more bites for Dean. He knew his boyfriend was concerned about him and he didn't want him to worry even more.  
Walking towards the Impala Castiel’s heartbeat started increasing. Inside the car, Dean started the engine and they drove to the courthouse. While driving they didn’t talk much both of them lost in their thoughts. At some point during the drive Dean intertwined their fingers and squeezed Castiel’s hand tightly, smiling at him softly. They were standing outside the courtroom, Gabriel talking them through the last details. It was 7:58am and in two minutes the doors would open and they would have to enter. Cas was really nervous and tensed up and he could see that even though Dean tried to hide it, he was tensed up as well. Suddenly the doors opened and the three men entered the courtroom, Cas searching for Dean's hand and intertwining their fingers.

artwork by linhear or linnart (couldn't make out the name)


	15. Trials don't always happen in a court room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, we see how Castiel's first trial goes...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope you like this chapter. Again it's a little longer but I hope you'll enjoy it.  
> Thanks to my Beta E. you're really awesomme

They walked into the room and were met by Castiel's family which consisted of Lucifer and his parents, already waiting for them at the front of the room together with their lawyer. Castiel's grip around Dean's hand tightened slightly but Cas tried to relax his body or to at least look calm on the outside.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" his father asked when they arrived where they were standing.

"Something I should have done a long time ago" Cas answered somewhat confident. Chuck’s gaze wandered from his son over to Dean, who had a cocky smirk on his lips before his eyes fixed on Gabriel. He looked at his oldest son, not believing what he saw.

"How could you be on his side?" his father asked. Gabriel's voice was calm when he spoke

"I am on the right side. I had no idea what happened at home, What you did to Castiel. He never told me because he probably wanted to protect you, or himself, and I only found out a few days ago when he showed up at my door and told me everything".

The judge entered the room and requested for them to take a seat. Dean wanted to sit next to Cas, but he wasn't allowed to so he pressed a quick kiss onto Castiel's lips before taking his seat in the front row. Cas was nervous. His heartbeat slowly but surely increased and his hands started to get sweaty. His stomach tightened. The hearing passed quicker than he would have expected. The beginning of the trial wasn’t really that special but when the two lawyers had to present their facts that’s when Castiel was amazed by his big brother.

“Your honor, as you can see in the file that is presented in front of you, my client is charging for assault, mental and physical abuse as well as domestic violence against his parents Mr. and Mrs. Novak, along with his brother Mr. Novak,” Gabe stated firmly, a serious expression on his face. Cas looked to where his family was sitting next to him, and how their lawyer made ready to speak.

“Your honor” he started but was cut off by the judge.

“Mr. Foster, I didn’t give you permission to speak”. His parents' lawyer apologized and stayed quiet until he was asked to speak.

“Your honor my clients deny all the accusations which are held against them. There may be some truth to all of it but there is not enough evidence to back up the charges,” he said with a confident smirk. Castiel’s heartbeat started to increase even more and he quickly looked back to his brother, who had been listening carefully to what the other side had said.

“May I speak?” his brother asked politely and the judge just nodded.

“Mr. Foster if what you are saying was true, then what reason would my client have to sue his own family?”. Mr. Foster cleared his throat before answering.

 “I don’t know what reason your client has but I am just stating that there is no evidence of assault”.

Castiel was thinking that his parents' lawyer was right since they hadn’t given the court any evidence and his thoughts started racing about what would happen if they lost but then Gabriel’s voice interrupted his train of thoughts.

“I am sorry to crush your bubble Mr. Foster but we do have evidence concerning the matter and if this got to trial we would be more than willing to share this information.”

The confidence on his brother's face was now even more visible and Cas had to say that he was more than impressed with Gabriel’s skills as a lawyer. For a moment his family’s lawyer didn’t seem to have an answer or at least he didn't know what to say next.

“What kind of evidence would that be exactly?”

“The scars and bruises on my client's body” Gabe stated and that’s when Castiel’s anxiety kicked in. Everything was in slow motion and he felt his stomach tighten. No, he didn’t want to show his scars to all of those people. He didn’t even want to show them to Dean. he hates them and how he got them. His throat went dry and a lump formed in his throat, making it hard for him to swallow.

After that, he had no idea what happened. Everything went by in a blur. The trial ended and they had won. They would go to trial and even though he tried to be happy, it was hard not to think about what evidence they had to show.

The date was set to be in one month, at the end of November, which was really fast.  Cas was really happy about this because his life finally was going well, or at least better than before. He was still afraid of showing his scars but he pushed that thought away for the moment.

When the hearing was over he stood up and went to Dean hugging him tightly, burying his face in the other boy's shoulder. They pulled away slightly to be able to look into Dean's eyes. His green eyes were sparkling with joy and something else Cas couldn't identify.

"I am proud of you" he whispered against his lips before kissing him again softly. Castiel smiled against Dean's lips before he broke the kiss and they exited the room. In the hallway, they thanked Gabe and were about to leave when his family exited the room as well and walked towards them.

"Do you really think you will win this" Lucifer asked angrily. Cas only hesitated for a moment before saying confidently

"Yes, I think so. I have enough evidence to lock you up". His brother laughed at that,

"Oh, little brother you don't have anything". Dean tensed up next to him and made a small step forward, fixing Lucifer with his eyes.

"Oh, yea and what about the wound on his lower back," he said in a low but threatening voice.

"You have no proof it was me and by the way how is it healing?". Dean was about to say something when Gabe started talking

"I don't think that you and my client should talk face to face anymore. Everything you want to say will be over your lawyers and I also think that my client doesn't feel safe in your presence anymore. Isn't that right?" he asked, shooting a glance at Cas who just nodded. They turned around and walked away. Cas was searching for Dean's hand again. As they were leaving they heard Lucifer say

"You always were a disgrace to this family, Gabriel, except for Castiel of course". Castiel’s grip around Dean’s hand tightened by those words and he looked at his brother who tensed up at these words but continued walking with his head held high.

They entered the Impala and drove to get breakfast at a diner since none of them had really eaten before they left.

Dean pulled into the parking lot and exited the car, walking around it to open Castiel's door as well. Cas smiled at him softly and left the car as well. Entering the diner they sat at a booth at the back.

Castiel was still very distressed and apparently, it was showing. The waitress came by and they ordered two specials, which consisted of scrambled eggs with bacon and a coffee each. A few seconds later she placed the two coffees in front of them. Cas took a sip of his and put it back down at the table, playing with the spoon. Dean took his hand in his, which made Cas look first at their hands and then at Dean.

"Sorry," he said sadly.

"Why are you apologizing?" Dean asked a little unsure.

"Because I should be happy that we can go to trial but Lucifer's words keep replaying in my head. What if we really don't have any proof. I mean yeah it was enough to convince the judge but a jury? I don't know and what if we lose and I don’t want to have to talk about my scars and..." he kept rambling until Dean put a finger on Castiel's lips, silencing him. Cas stopped talking and looked at Dean who was smiling softly.

"Cas, stop. Please don't think about that. Don't let his words get to you. We won't lose. The jury will make the right decision and Gabriel and I will do everything in our power to help you". Dean took Castiel's hand back into his and kissed the back of it softly, certainty in his green eyes.

Cas relaxed slightly, happy that Dean didn’t mention his scars, and decided that Dean was right. He wouldn't let his brother bring him down anymore. The waitress came back with their orders, a friendly smile on her lips when she laid the plates down in front of them telling them to enjoy their meal before she left again.

While they ate they talked about their plans for the rest of the day and decided they would take a walk through the city for a few hours after finishing their meal, even though it was pretty cold. When it was time to leave Dean pulled out his wallet wanting to pay.

“Dean you don’t have to pay,” Cas said reaching out and stopping Dean from pulling out his money by laying his hand on his arm.

“Cas I want to pay”, he said happily,” it’s my treat.”

“No Dean I want to take you out for being there for me,” Cas said pulling out his own wallet.

“Cas please, do it for me” Dean pleaded, trying his best puppy-face. Cas had to admit that he couldn’t argue with that and that he knew how stubborn Dean could be, so he put his wallet back into his pocket, letting Dean pay. They left the diner running to Baby. It had started to rain heavily and even though they were quick, the two boys entered the car, almost soaking wet. Inside the Impala they burst out into laughter both of them had no idea what they were laughing about but it didn't matter, because they were together.

Changing their plans they went to the movies instead. The rain had mostly stopped when they pulled into a parking space a few meters away from the theater. Dean went ahead and bought the tickets while Cas took care of the snacks and drinks. He was standing in front of a table waiting for Dean when two strong arms were slung around his waist. He looked to see an exited Dean looking down at him.

"What?" he asked curiously.

"Well," Dean began, "I thought we could watch the shining." Castiel's stomach tightened a little. He had never been a big thriller-lover.

Dean must have seen what he thought saying,

"We don't have to I mean we could watch something else." Dean was so unsure of himself, it was kind of cute.

"No, it's fine."

The movie had already begun when they sneaked inside. Their seats were at the back of the theater and they had to sneak in, trying to be as quiet as possible. The first half of the movie went by easy since nothing special had happened. At the scene were Wendy hides in her room and Johnny bursts through the door with the ax, Cas almost jumps in his seat, not expecting this. Dean looks at him a slightly amused smile playing at the corner of his lips. Without thinking Cas reached out and took Dean’s hand, intertwining their fingers, Dean giving him a light squeeze.

They left the movie theater still holding hands and walked towards the Impala. It was getting dark outside even though it was only shortly after 5 pm. Dean drove Cas home, kissing him goodbye before setting off to pick up Sam from Jessica’s house.

Cas wasn’t tired at all so he decided to meet with Anna for a few hours since she had to work the next day and couldn’t stay out long. They met around 6 pm for dinner at a local restaurant. The evening went by fast and it was really fun with both of them messing around and telling way to many dirty and stupid jokes. Cas had to admit that he had missed Anna a lot these past few weeks. Cas walked Anna home after he paid, and when they arrived in front of her apartment, he gave her a tight hug before walking home himself.

He didn’t go straight home though and rather walked around a little, fully aware that he had class tomorrow morning. He sat down at a bench at the park and just looked at the stars and the few bypassers. He thought about tonight and this whole day in general. His thoughts fixated on the green-eyed boy though. Dean must really love him if he is still together with him after what learning about his past and everything that went down in the last weeks. He was so lucky to have Dean even though he couldn’t understand why Dean was still together with him.

Even though Cas had been together with a few guys, it was never special. He never felt like he could trust them or they tried to rush him into things he wasn’t ready yet but Dean, Dean was different. He never pressured Cas into doing anything he didn’t want to and when he saw that he was uncomfortable he stopped immediately. Cas still couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have Dean as his boyfriend.

 

Cas arrived back home at 11:33 pm and went straight to bed after texting Dean that he was home. The next day he woke up at 6:30 am and grabbed his phone surprised to see that his classes for today had been canceled for some reason, so he put his phone back onto his nightstand and went back to sleep. The next time he woke up it was a little past 10 am. He got ready and then decided to take a walk. Even though it was pretty cold outside, it was November 1st, he kind of liked the cold. He had no idea why but the fresh air and the snowy weather had something calming about them.

Entering the forest he passed a few people but didn’t pay them much attention. The last leaves of the trees were starting to fall off and the branches looked naked and uninviting.

The leaves and branches that had already fallen to the ground were breaking underneath his heavy, leather boots. It was a quiet day and he quickly found a spot where he could be alone. He needed to just think about stuff without getting interrupted. Castiel sat down on the dry ground, he was lucky it hadn’t rained yesterday like it was supposed to and leaned his upper body against the trunk of a tree. Cas liked just sitting on the ground surrounded by trees and breathing in the cold air. He liked this place because nobody knew it and he could think without getting interrupted.

He had so many things on his mind but he tried to concentrate on the good things in his life right now, which meant he could think about Dean. About his smile, his laughter, his voice, the thousands of freckles that were covering his whole face and probably his whole body. And of course, his apple green eyes that reminded Castiel of the forest at a clear spring day. Dean was just perfect in each and every way and Cas was so lucky to have him, even though he still thought that Dean deserves someone better.

He walked home after some time and made a quick stop at the supermarket to grab some vegetables and also some meat since he had none at home anymore. He suddenly had an idea and so after paying for his food, he decided to go to a nearby boutique to get something for Dean. While passing through the rackets of clothes he stopped in front of the tie-section. He spent some time looking for the right one until he found the perfect one. It was a plain, dark, apple-green tie, which had the same color as Dean’s eyes. He went to the checkout and had it wrapped up as a gift. He knew that they didn’t really give each other gifts but he just needed to buy it. He hadn’t heard anything of Dean yet but he wasn’t thinking about it too much because it wouldn’t do him any good. He parked his car outside of his house and then entered his apartment. He put everything away and then sat on the couch and decided to watch Love Simon for the fourth time.

Castiel hadn’t done anything for the rest of the day and when his doorbell rang, he jumped in surprise. He looked at the time. It was already after 1:30 am and that made him really anxious. Nobody had ever visited him this late at night and the thought only, that maybe his brother was here to intimidate him or something made his stomach tighten. He stood up slowly and walked towards the door. He looked through the small hole in the door and sighed in relief when he saw that it was Dean. He opened the door and was met by a pair of beautiful green eyes and a huge grin spread across his face. Cas let him enter and closed the door. The moment he turned around towards Dean, the other boy slung his arms around him and kissed him, a little bit sloppy, before pulling away. Cas could feel the taste of alcohol against his own lips.

“Hey,” he said in a soft voice.

“Hey”

“Are you drunk?” Cas asked.

Dean’s smile grew even wider and with an innocent look on his face he said “Maybe”. Cas smiled at that as well and without saying another word, Dean took his hand and led him into the bedroom.

The moment Cas closed the door, he was turned around by Dean and pressed against the door, his back hitting the wooden door. Lips captured his and all of his worries were gone. He lost himself in Dean’s lips, his hands roaming over his boyfriend's chest before he pulled him closer by putting his hands on Dean’s neck. Dean’s hands were running through his hair and he was slowly placing kisses on his jaw and then onto his neck, sucking at the sensitive skin there. His hands were gliding up and down his back before they went underneath his shirt.

A chill ran up his spine by the touch of hands against his bare skin but he relaxed immediately. They continued kissing, hands wandering around, kisses being placed on lips and jaws and necks. Everything was great until Dean’s hands started fumbling at the hem of Castiel’s shirt starting to pull it up. Cas pulled back a little.

“Dean…” he said but Dean didn’t stop.

“Dean, stop,” Cas said a little louder this time but his boyfriend just continued to kiss his neck and pulling up his shirt until it was almost revealing his entire torso.

“Dean, STOP!” Cas placed his hands on Dean’s chest and pushed himself away from him. Fear and worry were starting to occupy his mind. Dean looked at him with a shocked expression, quickly understanding that he went too far.

“Cas I’m sorry I…” he wanted to continue but Cas stood up and left the room, walking to his kitchen. He filled up a glass of water and poured it down in one gulp. His hands were shaking as he tried to force the tears behind his eyes to disappear. He couldn’t understand what just happened. He knew something was off about his boyfriend and he just didn’t feel good. He knew that Dean needed a distraction or something but he had tried to do something, Cas wasn’t ready for, yet.

He went back to his room, only to find it empty. He freaked for a second before he heard noises coming out of his bathroom. He walked slowly towards it and knocked on the door.

“Dean are you in there?” he asked but he got no answer, so Cas tried to open the door but it was locked.

“Dean please don’t do this. I want to talk to you, please” he pleaded but nothing happened at first. After a few minutes of anticipating silence, the lock clicked and the door opened, a frustrated and sad expression masking his features. He walked past Cas and into his bedroom, sitting down on the edge of Castiel’s old bed. The blue-eyed boy sat down next to him but didn't say anything and instead waited for Dean to start talking.

“Cas I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to…” he trailed off not looking at Cas.

“Dean what is going on?” he asked but he got no response. Castiel carefully put his finger under Dean’s chin, lifting it and forcing him to look Castiel in the eyes, even though he still tried to avoid his gaze.

“Fifteen years ago she died in our burning house and even though it happened such a long time ago, I still remember it as if it was yesterday…” Dean’s voice got quieter the more he spoke and when he trailed off it was nothing more than a whisper. Cas searched for Dean’s hand and intertwined their fingers, squeezing his hand tightly. Castiel wanted to say something but Dean was already beginning to speak.

“Sammy had just turned six months old and she had gone upstairs to look for Sam when the explosion happened. It wasn’t a big one but it was enough to set the room on fire.

She started screaming and when I arrived at Sammy’s room it was already too late. My father handed me Sam and then he told me to run and I did. My father was able to get out but she didn’t. She wasn’t able to…” he stopped and tears were running down his face. Castiel cupped his cheek with his hand, letting Dean lean into the touch.

“Dean I am so sorry,” Cas said but Dean cut him off again.

“Don’t. It’s not your fault” he added. Cas knew what was going on in Dean’s mind and so he said: “It’s not your fault either”. Dean didn't look at him and instead stared at their intertwined fingers. They stayed silent for some time before Cas spoke again.

“How much did you drink?” Cas asked concerned. He probably interrupted Dean’s train of thoughts because he looked at him with a questioning look.

“What?”

“How much did you drink?” he asked again softly.

Dean thought about that for a moment before he said, a sad smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “I dunno. I think I started exactly when the clock struck midnigh and have been drinkin the whole time until I came ere.”. Dean leaned against Castiel’s shoulder for a few moments steadying himself.

“I think we should go to bed,” Cas told him, knowing that the next hours would be exhausting for both of them and they needed to sleep at least a little.

They got ready for bed, Dean borrowing a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt from Cas. He was still completely drunk and Cas had to help him get changed. They were lying in Castiel’s bed, the lamp on his nightstand turned off, facing each other in the dark. Cas was almost asleep, his eyes heavy from the exhaustion.

“Cas…” Dean said quietly into the dark room.

“Yea?” he whispered as quietly.

“I’m sorry”

Cas knew what he was referring to; The incident that had just happened an hour ago. Without saying anything he reached out and pulled Dean closer, laying his head against Dean’s shoulder.

“Dean. Don’t. I’m not mad at you”

“Why?” was the only thing Dean asked.

“Because I love you” he admitted reassuringly, pressing a soft kiss to Dean’s neck. The other man didn’t say anything else. He pressed a kiss onto Castiel’s messy hair and soon they were both asleep, holding each other in their arms.     

Cas woke up to an empty bed. He shot up, shock and worry flooding his body as he tried to blink the stars in front of his eyes away. The alarm clock on his nightstand showed that it was a little after 6 am and it was still dark outside. He stood up and exited the room, not even caring about closing the door.

He went to the kitchen and his heart started to pound louder in his chest; Dean wasn’t there as well. After he took a look into all the other rooms of the house, which were empty as well, he started panicking. Dean could be anywhere and in his condition and the alcohol that was still in his blood,  he could get into a lot of trouble. He hadn’t come with the Impala yesterday, which was at least something good.

Cas sat down on his old couch, which made a squeaking sound as he sat down. He tried to call the green-eyed boy but his phone went straight to voicemail. His eyes dart over the open living room space and focus on one of his chairs. He could have sworn that he had put a blanket there since his apartment could get pretty cold in the winter months. A spark of hope spread inside of him and he grabbed his jacket, put on his boots and opened the door.

  
  
  



	16. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So in this chapter, we see how much trust Cas has to put into Dean...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope you like this chapter and sorry that it took me so long. School is really stressful right now.  
> Special thanks to my beta E. You are just great

Opening the door he saw Dean sitting on his front porch, his back towards Castiel. His shoulders tensed up when he heard Cas but he didn’t turn around. Cas approached him and sat down next to the green-eyed boy.  
“Hey,” he said quietly.   
Dean didn't turn around when he spoke.   
“Hey”. He was still in his pajamas, the blanket from Castiel’s sofa slung tightly around him, not looking at him. Castiel’s hand reached out and turned Dean’s head towards him. Dean tried to avoid Castiel’s gaze, “Dean please look at me” Castiel’s voice was soft and filled with concern.   
“I’m sorry Cas…” Dean started but was cut off by Castiel, raising his hand to silence him.  
“Dean don’t. You don’t have to apologize. I know how hard this day is for you”.  
“So you’re not mad that I just left without telling you?” his voice almost a whisper.  
Cas reached out a hand and touched the side of Dean’s face, the other man leaning into the touch. “No, I am not mad at you”.  
Dean looked nervous, like he wanted to say something else but was too afraid to do so.   
“What is it?” Cas asked. The other man was still unsure but spoke nonetheless.  
“I just… I am just really sorry that I couldn’t control myself and that I didn’t stop when you asked me to, even though I’d promised that we would go your pace.” His face was full of regret and he even seemed a little ashamed of himself. Cas pressed his lips against Dean’s, pulling him into a soft kiss. When they broke off they stayed only inches away from each other, looking into each other’s eyes.   
“Dean it’s okay, I mean it. I know I was shocked and it caught me off guard but I am not mad at you. I know that you probably want to do more than just kiss and I am sorry that I am not ready to do that yet” Cas said not looking at Dean. He was feeling horrible for making this about him, even though Dean was the one, he should try to help and not the other way around.   
“Castiel look at me” Dean demanded softly but Cas was still not looking at him.  
“Please Cas, look at me,” he said again and this time Cas complied and lifted his head, looking into those green eyes.   
“Cas you don’t have to apologize for anything. I am the one who wasn’t thinking and I am sorry about that. Do I want to do more with you than a just kiss? Yes, but I want to do it when you feel ready as well because I want you to enjoy it.” Dean took Castiel’s hand into his intertwining their fingers. Instead of saying something he just leaned forward and kissed the green-eyed boy again.   
They stayed outside for another hour before it got too cold to stay on the porch anymore. Dean went upstairs to change into one of Castiel’s hoodies and then came back down. Cas had decided to make breakfast for both of them. Dean sat down onto his sofa, staring into space. Cas finished making breakfast, some sandwiches, and coffee and sat down next to him.   
Dean grabbed a sandwich but he didn’t take a bite but instead continued to look at the television absently. Cas put his own plate down and reached out touching Dean’s arm softly.  
“Hey, you need to eat something,” he said, even though he knew how hard it was to eat when you are sad.   
“I am not hungry” Dean stated as he stood up, putting his breakfast back on the plate and leaving the living room, going into Castiel’s bedroom.   
Cas let out a heavy sight, finishing his breakfast. He was so worried about Dean and what he could do today. He knew this day was really hard for him but Cas had to at least try and make him feel a little better.   
Castiel cleaned up the kitchen and then made a few calls. Dean had exited Castiel’s bedroom by the time the doorbell rang at around 4 pm. Cas opened it. Anna, Crowley, Sam, Jess, and Kevin were standing in front of him. He hugged each one as they stepped into his small apartment.   
When they saw Dean they each took a turn and hugged him as well. Dean ruffled Sam’s hair and they all sat down in his living room. They soon started talking about different topics; Crowley was telling Sam about the road trip he had done last summer across the country and Sam listened interestedly. Even Dean looked interested in what he was talking about. Cas had made some cookies and coffee and tea for everybody and they were laughing and telling stories in his living room. Dean actually looked happy and the same goes for Sam, who was laughing as well, holding his girlfriend in his arms.  
  
Their friends left a little before midnight. Dean would stay at Castiel’s apartment again and Sam would sleep at Kevin’s. Cowley had offered to drive them back and so they left Castiel’s house, hugging Dean a little longer than necessary.    
Dean helped Castiel clean up the kitchen and then they went into Castiel’s bedroom, laying down on the floor on their backs. They just stared at the ceiling when the clock on Castiel’s nightstand made a sound, letting them know that it was past midnight. Dean let out a relieved sigh, turning towards Castiel.  
“Thank you,” he said. Castiel turned to him as well, looking at him a little confused.  
“For what?” he asked and Dean took his hand intertwining their fingers.  
“For being there for me today and for helping me get over this day. I really appreciated it and I think Sammy did too.” Castiel leaned forward and pressed their lips together. The kiss was soft at first but soon got more passionate. Cas broke off their kiss and turned back onto his back, looking at the ceiling again.  
“What’s wrong?” Dean asked and turned towards Cas, resting his head on his elbow, concern in his green eyes. Castiel let out a deep sight, mimicking Dean’s position. Cas took a deep breath before saying, “ I want to show you my scars” he said quickly before regretting it. Dean didn’t say anything at first, probably thinking about the information he just got, which made Cas anxious.  
“You don’t have to…” Dean started but Cas cut him off.  
“No Dean I want to show them to you. Especially before you see them on those pictures in court.” Dean touched the side of Castiel’s face, caressing his cheek with his thumb.  
“Are you sure about this?” he asked. Castiel thought about it for a moment.  
“Yes,” he said quietly. Dean leaned forward and kissed him softly.  
“But not today” he added after they broke off the kiss.  
“When do you want to?” he asked gently.  
“Tomorrow maybe?” Cas suggested and Dean agreed. They laid there for a few more minutes and then went to bed.  
  
The next day Dean had to leave at around 10 am to go grocery shopping for his house. Cas did some cleaning up to distract himself from his nervousness about later today. He had never shown anybody his scars and he still hated them; he hated what they represented and how he had gotten them.   
He was sitting on the couch doing some research for an essay he had to do for English Literature when Dean came back. He left his jacket in the hallway and then came around and kissed Castiel on the cheek, before taking his hand and leading him to the bedroom.  
They sat on the bed, cross-legged, opposite to each other.   
“Are you really sure you want to do this?” Dean asked again, concern in his voice.   
“Yes, I am. I’ve thought about it a lot and I am sure. I want to show them to you” he said determinedly. Dean just nodded. Cas started fidgeting with the hem of his shirt without pulling it up. Dean reached forward wrapping his fingers around Castiel’s wrist.   
“Hey what if I start first?” he suggested looking into Castiel’s eyes. The other boy just nodded and Dean started taking off his black shirt. When he had taken off his shirt Cas couldn’t help but stare at the beautiful boy in front of him. At his torso, his broad shoulders, his muscular and well-defined abdomen. He reached his hand out and lightly brushed over Dean’s collarbone, down over his chest and his side, until his hands stopped over a line of ink on his ribs.  
“Angels are watching over you,” he said as he let his hand wander over the quote.  
“My mom used to say that to me every night when she tucked me into bed,” Dean said his voice quiet.   
“It’s beautiful,” Cas told him as his hand started moving further down his sides and then back up and over his arms. He spent a few more minutes touching Dean’s bare chest before he pulled his hands back to himself, looking at them.  
“Hey, you alright?” Dean asked a little concerned.  
“Yes,” Cas whispered back and then took the hem of his shirt and started pulling it up, discarding it to the floor. He wanted to cover himself up because of his scars but resisted the urge. He hated them so fucking much. Dean just marveled over his chest and arms for a few moments. He slowly reached out his hand but stopped only inches away from Castiel’s chest.  
“Can I touch you?” he asked softly and Cas just nodded, not trusting himself to speak. By Dean’s touch, Cas shivered a little but he didn’t pull away and instead let the boy in front of him brush lightly against his skin, just as he had done a few moments ago. Dean’s fingers traced over his neck and then went to his arms which were full of scars. Some of them he had gotten from his bullies in school and his brother, and some from self-harming.  
He had started self-harming the day his family had found out he liked boys. A classmate in school had probably seen him kiss his, then, boyfriend and had reported it to the principal. He had then called his father and Cas was sent home. At home, he had to listen to a lecture about why homosexuality is wrong and that it’s a horrible sin and he will burn in hell. After that, his father had beaten him, a lot. After that day he became physical more often. That night Cas was lying in his bed, crying. His whole body was aching and he was just feeling like absolute shit. He had no idea why he had done it he went to the bathroom and took one of the blades out of his razor before going back to his room. He rolled up his sleeve and then he was cutting lines up his arm with the razor blade. The cuts were small but deep, deeper than he had thought. They hurt but they not only made him numb but also helped his mind to stop racing.   
Soon his fingers and sheets were stained with his own blood. He looked at his arm and then at the red mess on his arm. Cas was feeling so numb and broken. He cleaned his arm, bandaging it and changed the sheets before going to bed.   
After that, it became something almost normal. The cuts on his arms were increasing and it became harder for him to hide them.    
“They are hideous” he mumbled, returning back to reality, as Dean’s fingers brushed over them. His hand stopped moving and his other hand lifted Castiel’s chin, making him look the green-eyed boy in the eyes.  
“Cas they are beautiful. You are beautiful.” Dean’s voice was soft but confident at the same time. He knew that Dean meant what he said even if he couldn’t quite believe him. He dropped his gaze again.  
“Nobody has ever told you that you are beautiful” Dean stated. Cas only shook his head, still not looking at him.  
“Cas please look at me” the other boy pleaded and Cas slowly raised his head, looking back at Dean.  
“Cas you are beautiful. I don’t mind your scars because they are a part of you and every part of you is just great. On the outside as well as on the inside, and even if you don’t believe me, you are beautiful to me” he said leaning forward and kissing Cas gently. When they broke away Cas smiled weakly.  
“You are beautiful as well,” Cas said and his smile widened. Dean continued tracing his skin and soon he shifted so that he was sitting behind Castiel, his fingers gliding over his shoulders and down his back. His hand stopped at the big scar on his back, soft fingers touching it lightly.  
“Who did this to you?” Dean asked.   
“My father when he found out I was gay.” Castiel’s voice only a whisper, breaking at the last words. Dean didn’t say anything but soon Cas felt soft lips tracing the faded wound. Dean’s fingers wandered further down and stopped at the other big scar at his lower abdomen, the scar Lucifer had put there a few months ago. He traced over this one as well before his hands wandered up to his sides and over his arms. They spent the next hour admiring each others body, leaving soft kisses everywhere.  
They were lying in bed, arms wrapped around each other, both still not wearing a shirt.   
“Dean?” Cas asked into the silence.  
“Yea?” he asked back.  
“Thank you”  
“For what?” Dean asked furrowing his brow slightly.  
“For everything. For not leaving me or saying that my scars are ugly. I have never shown them to anyone and with you, I just don’t know, you help me breathe and be happy. When I am with you I can forget about my fucked up past and just enjoy my life, so yea thank you”. Dean’s grip around him tightened as he shifted slightly to be able to look better at Dean.  
“Cas I could never say that your scars are ugly because they aren’t. Nothing about you is. I am fucked up too and when I am with you, I don’t think that I am worthless or not good enough. I feel like I am good at something without screwing it up. I feel like everyone I’ve ever loved, I let down or fucked it up. For the first time ever, I am truly happy with someone, like we were always meant to be. Sorry, that sounded really sappy, I’m sorry-  .” Cas reached out and captured Dean’s lips with his, pulling him into a passionate kiss. Dean’s tongue plunged into Castiel’s mouth when he parted his lips and for a few moments, they just stayed like this, kissing each other.   
“I love you” Cas whispered against Dean’s lips.  
“I love you too” Dean whispered back, making Cas smile. Cas had a fucked up past but when he was together with Dean, he could forget all of the bad things that had happened to him and just be himself and he knew that he was not planning on ever leaving Dean.       
When Cas woke up the next morning, Dean was still next to him, an arm slung around his waist and he had to smile by the thought that Dean hadn’t left him. He stood up slowly, not wanting to wake up his boyfriend and went to the bathroom to take a quick shower. When he got out of the shower he put on a pair of sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt and went to make breakfast. Dean came into the kitchen a few minutes later, his hair messy, rubbing his eyes tiredly.   
“Morning,” he said wrapping his arms around Castiel’s waist from behind and laying his head on his shoulder.   
“Morning” Cas said back turning so that he could give Dean a kiss on the cheek before continuing to prepare the pancakes. They sat on the couch, each of them a plate with a few pancakes in his hand and turned on the tv. Castiel’s phone vibrated and he took it, quickly looking at the screen before pressing the green button.  
“Hey,” he said.  
“Good morning,” Gabriel said on the other end of the line.  
“How are you?” he asked and Cas told him that he was fine.  
“So I wanted to talk to you and Dean.” Cas furrowed his brow slightly.  
“About what?” he asked a little confused and his brother told him that he needed to go over some things for the trial and also for the photos they had to make next week. They agreed on a time and a few hours later Gabe was sitting in Castiel’s living room, a cup of coffee in his hand. Cas and Dean had taken their seats on the sofa, a little distance between them.   
“So what did you want to talk about?” Dean asked when neither of them said anything. Gabe cleared his throat, taking another sip from his coffee.  
“I wanted to let you know how this could play out. There are two possibilities; we either win, which of course would be awesome, meaning that the evidence we will present, together with the witnesses we will be questioning, will convince the jury. If this happens,” he said looking at Cas, “you need to be prepared for what will happen next. Mom will be charged with complicity in physical and mental abuse, which means that she may have to go to prison or she will be on probation. Dad and Lucifer on the other hand…” he started, gathering his thoughts and looking between them, fixing his gaze on Cas again, “they would be charged with abuse and will definitely go to prison.”  
Cas took a deep breath, having to process everything his brother just told him. He looked at Dean who had an expression on his face, Cas couldn’t make out.  
“And if we lose?” Dean asked looking at Gabe.  
“If we lose then, nothing will change. The police will stop investigating and they will be free to go, leaving us without having achieved anything and with a lot to pay” he said sadly. Cas dropped his gaze looking at his hands. Dean reached his out and intertwined their fingers.  
“Hey, we won’t lose,” he said softly but Cas was not looking at him.  
“Cas could you give us a minute?” his brother asked suddenly which made Cas raise his head and looked first at him and then at Dean, who gave him an encouraging nod. Castiel left the living room and went to the kitchen, sitting down on one of the chairs, again, staring at his hands. What if hey lost and the only thing they achieved was that his family hated him even more than they already did. If they won that would mean that his siblings had to live with their mother or they would be forced to go to foster families and Cas didn’t want either of these options for his younger brothers. He had only thought about his own benefit from this story and not about anybody else. God, he was so selfish!  
“Cas?” His train of thought was interrupted by Dean’s voice. The green-eyed boy sat down next to him, looking at his face with worry in his eyes. Cas was still gazing at his hands when Dean’s fingers were placed underneath his chin, making him look at the other boy.  
“What’s going on?” he asked.  
“I just realized that I haven’t thought about my younger siblings at all,” he said regretfully, “I don’t want them to live with mom but I also don’t want them to go to a foster home.” Dean’s hand reached out and caressed his cheek letting Cas lean into the touch.  
“Gabe and I were just talking about that and he said that he could try and take custody for them, at least until they are 18,” he said a small smile on his lips. Castiel’s eyes widened and a small smile started playing at the corners of his lips as well. He leaned forward pressing a kiss to Dean’s soft lips.   
“So what else were you two talking about?” he asked a little sheepishly.  
“Well, he just told me to be there for you because it’s going to be hard for you.” Castiel’s smile widened a little when he saw Dean blushing slightly.  
Cas was so happy to be able to call Dean his boyfriend. Dean was his and nobody could take that away from him. He felt like the luckiest guy on the planet.   
Dean left a little while after, Gabe had already left after talking to Dean, and Cas decided to go and visit Anna, though his plans were canceled when she called and told him that she had to study a lot for an upcoming exam.   
  
So he changed his plans and drove to a nearby coffee shop to work on his job application. His parents had been paying for both his apartment and university but he was sure that they would stop paying after all of this was over.  
He wanted to work in a coffee shop near his apartment. He knew it wasn’t much but it would be enough for now. He still had some money stashed away for emergencies anyway. He spent a few hours working and then sending his application before driving back home.  
When he was lying in bed that night he thought about the last two days; He remembered how Dean had looked when he saw Castiel’s scars. There had been no disgust or anger, or even shame. The only thing Cas could see was love and admiration. You are beautiful that was what he had told him. You are beautiful to me. Cas could still not believe how lucky he was to have such an amazing boyfriend.   
The other thing that he thought about was the conversation with Gabriel; he was almost certain that they would win but a voice in his head kept nagging at him, reminding him what would, or in this case, wouldn’t happen if they lost. He pushed those thoughts away though and instead focused on Dean, falling asleep with a smile playing on his lips.

  
  
Fanart by unknown

         
  
  
  
  
   
  
  
  
   
   


	17. Behind closed court doors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the climax of my story where everything will be decided...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry it took me so long to upload again but I spent a lot of time on this one because it's the climax.   
> I hope you guys like it.  
> Ps: Thanks to my Beta E.

Cas was sitting outside the waiting room of the police station where he would take the pictures for the trial. He was pretty nervous since he hated showing his scars. He looked to his left where Dean was sitting next to him and got an encouraging smile. He knew Dean was there for him and he couldn’t be more grateful. Looking to his other side, he saw his brother typing something on his phone. Cas was also really happy that at least one member of his family was standing by his side.   
The door of the room where the photos would be taken opened and a friendly looking woman stepped outside. “Hello, I’m Mrs. Paulsen. Sir, when you’re ready you can come in.”   
Castiel’s heartbeat increased a little and his hands started shaking slightly. Despite his fear he stood up together with the other two men and walked slowly to the doors. Dean reached out and intertwined their fingers, squeezing his hand tightly before entering.   
The room wasn’t really big, with a table on one side and a white screen and lights on the other side. In front of the screen was a camera on a tripod. The woman and Gabriel talked for a few minutes but Cas didn’t really pay attention to what they were saying. He was too anxious to even notice that the woman was now speaking to him.  
“Cas?” Gabe asked a little concerned.  
“What?” he asked back, confused.  
“Mr. Novak, could you take your shirt off, so that we are able to take the pictures?” the woman said in a friendly but demanding tone. Cas only nodded and started fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.  
“Could you give us a minute?” Dean requested and the woman just nodded, leaving the room together with Gabriel. Dean approached him, stopping in front of him.   
“Cas?” Castiel lifted his head, looking at the boy, tears burning at the corners of his eyes. Without saying something the green-eyed boy pulled him into a tight hug, letting Castiel nestle his face at the crook of his neck. They stayed like this for a while before Dean pulled back a little to be able to have a better look at his boyfriend, reaching out and wiping away a tear that was rolling down his cheek.  
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here. Everything will be alright, nothing will happen to you here, I promise” Dean said softly. Cas tried to swallow away the lump in his throat without success.   
“I know… it’s just I still hate them and I am afraid what Gabe will think and what if after today he sees me differently and…” Cas rambled, his voice fast and shaky. Dean laid a finger on his lips, shushing him. Dean’s green eyes had darkened, probably from the concern but Cas couldn’t be sure.  
“Hey, hey, calm down. He won’t think any less of you, he might even think that you are stronger than he already knew you are.”  
“How can you be so sure?” Cas asked.  
“Because I would think the same about Sammy. I would definitely be angry; not with him but with the people who did this to him. But I would also be proud of how strong he must be to be able to live with those scars.”   
Dean’s eyes sparkled a little as he talked about his brother and Cas knew he was right. A small smile played at the corners of his mouth.   
“You are beautiful” Dean whispered into Castiel’s ear as the door was opened and the woman and Gabe re-entered the room. They separated and Dean went and stood next to Gabriel, who was giving him an encouraging smile.  
Taking a deep breath, he grabbed the edge of his shirt and pulled it over his head, revealing his, with scars and bruises covered, body. He gazed at Gabe who was looking at him with anger in his eyes; not against Cas but against the people who put those scars there, and at that moment he knew that Dean had been right.   
Taking the photos didn’t take as long as he thought it would. First, the woman took a picture from his chest and then she asked him to turn around so that she could take one of his back. She then proceeded to take more specific photos; from the self-harm scars on his arms, white and mostly faded. He hadn’t cut in months. Next some smaller ones on his stomach, and then the two big ones on his back. The bigger one, from his father, was still a little bit red at the edges. Cas could still feel it when he moved certain ways. The fresher one still hurt a little, but it was already fading away slightly, thanks to Ellen and Bobby. After 20 minutes they were finished and Cas could finally put his shirt back on, he thanked the woman before leaving the room.  
In the Impala, Gabe had to leave for work, Cas was leaning against the window, looking outside. It was getting dark as they drove over the highway. Dean hadn’t told him where they were heading and only told him to wear something nice. Cas was really excited and soon looked over to where Dean was driving his Baby.  
“So where are we going?” Cas asked curiously.  
“I won’t tell you Cas.” Dean started smiling when he looked over and saw Cas trying to make his best puppy face.  
“Come on Cas, it’s a surprise.” Instead of answering, Cas leaned over and kissed Dean’s neck a few times. The other boy had to laugh as he tried to focus on keeping the car steady.   
“Pleaseee” Cas whined but Dean stayed silent, turning up the volume of the radio. Cas fell back against his seat, knowing how stubborn Dean could be. He figured he would find out soon enough and he did. After another 15 minutes of driving, Dean pulled into a parking lot, in front of a restaurant. He turned off the engine and without saying something, he left the car. Cas stayed in his seat for a second, hesitating and then went to open the door but Dean was faster, opening it for him. He exited the black car, letting Dean lead him to the diner. They entered the place, their fingers interlaced.   
“I made a reservation for two on the name Winchester,” Dean said to the woman at the reception. She quickly checked her computer and then guided them to a table for two. It was small with a candle and a rose in the middle. They sat down and when Cas looked at Dean again, his eyes were sparkling and a rin spread on both their faces.  
“So that’s why you didn’t want to tell me?” Cas asked happily.  
“Yes, I thought you deserved it” Dean admitted blushing. Cas wanted to say something but the waitress came and gave each of them a menu.  
“Thanks, Dean.” They ordered quickly, both of them taking a steak, baked potato and a bottle of wine to share.   
“Cas?” Dean asked after a few moments of silence.  
“Yeah?”  
“Can you promise me to not think about the trial or your family for tonight?” Cas thought about it for a few moments before nodding, his smile widening even more if that was even possible.   
The dinner went by quickly, except when Dean had put salt into his water when Cas had gone to the bathroom. Cas didn’t suspect anything when he took a big sip from his glass, though he immediately regretted it. He coughed as he swallowed, trying not to raise too much attention to them. When he looked back at Dean, he was snickering, having a hard time suppressing his laughter.  
“Really Dean?” he asked when he realized what happened.  
“Sorry but it was too tempting,” he tried to apologize. Cas looked at him annoyed which only made him laugh even more. Cas didn’t mind though since he loved hearing Dean’s laugh. When they left, after Dean paid, it was already after midnight. Castiel’s head was spinning slightly from the alcohol they had drunken but he didn’t mind at all. The drive back to Dean’s apartment was great. They were holding hands the whole ride back and sang along to songs they knew on the radio. (even though Cas knew how sappy that was)  
They entered the house, Sam was already asleep, and they went straight to Dean’s bedroom, leaving their jackets on the coat rack. The moment the door closed behind him, Cas was pressed against the door, and for a moment anxiety rushed through him because of similarity to the night Dean was drunk came to his mind. Those thoughts were pushed away when Dean’s lips captured his, pulling him into a passionate kiss. Soon Dean’s hands around his wrists loosened and wandered down his sides. Castiel’s own hands wandered to Dean’s suit-jacket, taking it off and throwing it on the ground.   
Dean pulled him closer, pressing their bodies together before doing the same with Castiel’s jacket. Dean’s hand moved to his thighs, pulling Cas up so he could wrap his legs around Dean. Suddenly Cas was being turned around quickly as Dean walked them to the bed, laying Cas down softly. He climbed on top of him, never breaking their kiss. Dean’s hands opened Castiel’s tie, tossing it to the ground. Cas mimicked his gesture, after pulling him closer by grabbing his tie. Castiel’s fingers ran through Dean’s hair messing it up. The other man’s hands found the hem of Castiel’s shirt.  
“May I?” he asked looking into blue eyes. the other boy just nodded before Dean pulled his shirt up and over his head.  
Castiel’s breath hitched in his throat as hands roamed over his, now bare, torso but when he looked into Dean’s eyes there was only love in them. His boyfriend didn’t mind his scars because he knew that they weren’t what made Cas who he was. Castiel didn’t even need to ask Dean if it was okay to take off his shirt because he had started doing it himself. Cas caught his wrists, making him stop, looking a little shocked for a second. Without hesitation, Cas started unbuttoning his white shirt.   
When Dean leaned back down, his naked chest pressed against Castiel’s, both men groaned. They continued kissing, hands gliding overexposed skin. It was great and Cas was just feeling safe and he was glad that he had no anxiety right now. Everything was perfect until he felt Dean’s half hard member against his upper thigh and only then did he notice that he was half-hard himself, as he stopped moving his hands. Dean must have noticed because when he looked at Cas, he was confused.  
“Is everything okay?” Cas felt embarrassed as a hot blush crept up his face, averting Dean’s gaze.  
“Yea… it’s just that…” he said looking down between their bodies.   
“Oh,” Dean said as he understood what was going on, his cheeks reddening as well. There was an uncomfortable silence before Dean rolled off Cas, laying next to him, his gaze fixed to the ceiling. Cas felt horrible, he didn’t want to ruin their night.  
“Dean I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t want to, but I want to be sober. Sorry for ruining the mood and the night. You had probably imagined it different and I just fucked it up…” he trailed off, his stomach tightening as his voice got quieter. Dean turned towards him and now it was Cas who looked at the ceiling.  
“Cas listen to me, you didn’t ruin anything. I hadn’t even thought that we would be making out tonight and to be honest I don’t want to be drunk either when we sleep together. The night was, and still is, perfect because I am with you and no matter what we do, it’s great.” When Cas finally looked at him there was pure honesty in his eyes.   
“Are you sure?” Cas asked, his voice almost a whisper.  
“Yes, Cas I am and stop doubting everything I say,” Dean said. A smile started playing at the corners of his mouth as he leaned down and captured Castiel’s lips once again, pulling him closer. It was a softer kiss than before but it had the same amount of passion in it like all the previous ones.   
  
Castiel was standing in front of the mirror in his room, looking at his reflection. He was wearing a black suit with a white button-up shirt and a blue tie. He pushed his hair down, trying to make himself look somewhat presentable. Today was the day of the trial. He hadn’t really slept last night, overthinking everything that could happen. His hands were shaking slightly and he put them in the pockets of his pants in order to still them. Dean was going to pick him up in a few minutes and they would meet Gabriel there. Taking a last look at his reflection he grabbed his phone and trenchcoat and walked to the living room.   
He heard the engine of the Impala before he could even see the black car pull into his street. He walked out the door and quickly entered the car, but Dean didn’t start the engine.   
“What?” he asked looking over at Dean. The other boy was wearing a black suit as well with a black and white striped tie.  
“Are you okay?” he asked back.  
“I am suing my family, what do you think?” he snapped back before turning to the window. Silence filled the small room of the car.  
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, not looking at Dean. The green-eyed boy leaned closer, interlacing their fingers. He just sat next to Cas, without saying something. Cas forced the tears that were burning at the corners of his eyes away, sighing heavily.   
“I’m sorry” he repeated, turning his head towards Dean again.  
“Hey, it’s fine. I’m not mad at you if that’s what you think. I know how hard this must be for you because even though they are behaving like assholes towards you, they are still family…” Dean said, sadness filling his beautiful green eyes.  
“I know but it’s just so… I don’t know fucked up I guess” Cas said, letting his head lean against Dean strong shoulder. They sat in this position for about five minutes before Dean finally started the engine and drove to the courthouse.  
Dean parked in front of the big building. It was higher than Cas thought it would be and the towering figure made Cas really anxious.   
He took a deep breath before exiting the car and joining Dean who was waiting for him, taking his hand as soon as he was near enough to grab it. The two boys walked up to the reception, where a friendly man greeted them.  
“Hello, what can I do for you?” he asked smiling.  
“We are supposed to go to room 257 and we don’t know where that is,” Cas said shyly.  
“Of course. You have to go to the twelfth floor and then it’s the third door on the right,” he explained.  
“Thank you,” Dean said before walking to the elevator.   
“Cas it’ll be alright,” Dean said, turning towards Cas who just nodded at his words. They were almost there when Dean pressed a soft kiss to his lips. Cas placed one hand on the back of Dean’s neck pulling him closer, deepening their kiss. Hearing the bell of the elevator they quickly pulled away and exited before the doors closed behind them. Gabe was already there when they approached, talking to a black-haired woman, in her mid-twenties. Even though she had a petite frame, Cas could tell that she was a strong woman, who didn’t back down.  
“There you are,” he said happily, hugging Cas and even giving Dean a brief hug.  
They were talking about the final details when his parents and Lucifer exited the elevator and were now coming their way, Mr. Foster right behind them.   
“Hello brothers,” Lucifer said with a smirk on his lips.   
“Lucifer,” Gabe said back, his face serious.  
“What do you want?” Cas asked.  
“Nothing little brother just asking if you really want to do this.”  
“Why because you are afraid that you’ll lose?” Dean asked sarcastically.  
“We’ll see about that.”  
“Hey Cas” a voice behind them called and they all turned around to see Anna, Crowley, Sam, Ellen and Bobby walking towards them, a happy smile on all their faces.  
“What are you doing here?” Cas asked excitedly as he hugged each of them.   
“Well do you really think that I would miss you, kicking your brothers ass?” Anna asked, glancing over at Lucifer briefly.  
“And we remembered that Dean had told us about it a few weeks back and decided to come since you are practically family now,” Bobby said and Cas looked at all of them with a thankful look. He was so glad to have met so many great people in his life that actually cared about him.    
Cas was about to say something when the doors of the courtroom opened and they were asked to enter.  
Each side took their places, Dean staying behind with the others after placing a kiss to Castiel’s cheek and telling him that he’ll be right there. After the formalities took place it was time for them to call their first witness.   
“I would like to call Mr. Novak to the stand,” Gabriel said, face serious. Castiel’s father took the seat at the front of the room.  
“Mr. Novak”, Gabe began, “is it true that you abused, and still are abusing, your son?” He didn’t answer and instead glanced around the room, eyes finding Castiel’s. His heart almost stopped at the ice cold stare he received from his father. He felt sick like he wanted to look away but resisted the urge. He wouldn’t back down, not anymore.  
“I repeat myself, is it true that you abused your son physically?” Gabe persisted and his father looked back at his oldest son.  
“No I never abused him in any way and I don’t know where this accusation comes from,” he lied. Gabe stepped closer.  
“If that was the case then where did he got this scar from?” Castiel’s brother asked before a picture of the big, faded scar appeared on a monitor. Cas heard a few people gasp and even he took in a sharp breath from seeing the image. He hadn’t seen the wound in such a long time, at least not fully, only parts of it in the mirror and even then, he tried to avoid it whenever he could. This scar bore one of his most painful memories. It was the reason why everything fell apart so many years ago. He still remembered the day, like it only happened yesterday.   
“I don’t know,” his father said, bringing Cas back to reality.  
“Because from my knowledge I know that when you found out that your son was homosexual you not only beat him up but also whipped him with your belt, leaving this scar,” Gabriel told him, anger rising in his features.  
His father hesitated again, and Gabe was about to say something when he finally spoke the truth.  
“Yes I did,” Mr. Novak confessed, face stone cold.         
“And is it true that even though you knew your son was bullied in school, and by his brother to be precise, both mentally and physically, you didn’t do anything?” Gabriel’s voice was rising a little and Cas could see the anger flaring up in his brown eyes.  
“Yes,” he admitted, his face still serious. Gabe walked closer, now standing almost in front of their father. He cleared his throat before continuing.  
“My last question is, why didn’t you do anything?” Gabe asked.  
“Well because it was his fault. He had brought this onto our family and he needed to be redeemed in order for him to go to heaven. We only did what God told us to do. Not more and not less.” His father spoke with such confidence in his voice that it made Cas want to throw up.   
“No further questions your honor” Gabe said, confidently walking back to their table. Cas looked at him with wide eyes. How could he stay so calm and collected Castiel wondered.  
“Are you okay?” he asked as he took a sip from his water. Cas only nodded, not trusting his voice to speak.    
The next on the stand was his mother. She was wearing a long, blue dress and her red-ish hair was bouncing off of her shoulders as she walked to the front.   
“Mrs. Novak, is it true that even though you knew your son was beaten up not only at school but was also abused by his brother and father, you didn’t do anything to prevent it?” Gabe asked a smirk on his face because he already knew the answer.   
“Yes,” she said more confident than Cas would have expected. Gabe walked a little towards her, though not as close as he had gone to their father.  
“Why didn’t you do anything to help your son?”  
“Because it’s God's will” she stated and even though Cas knew that, it still made him feel weird in his stomach.  
“And why is it God’s will that your child suffers, what is the problem that caused you to stay so cold towards him?” Gabe asked pressuring her a little. She thought about that for a few seconds which gave Cas the opportunity to glance behind him where Dean was sitting. The green-eyed boy looked focused on his mother but as if he could feel Castiel look at him he turned around and gave him an encouraging smile. When Castiel’s mother didn’t say anything, Gabe continued speaking.  
“Is it maybe because you don’t agree with his sexuality and you think it’s a sin and he will go to hell?”   
“Yes, it is because as long as he doesn’t redeem himself and sees that he’s sinning, I won’t do anything to help him because I am not in the position to do anything. If he comes to me and wants help I’ll be more than happy to help him but as long as he lives this life I can’t do anything for him.” Cas was shocked at the honesty of his mother. He knew her views but he never knew how far they went. He felt sick and wanted nothing more than to throw up but unfortunately, there was one more witness they would have to call; Lucifer.  
“No further questions your honor,” Gabe said and their mother took her seat next to Mr. Novak. His brother faces the judge again.  
“I’d like to call my last witness, Lucifer Novak” he stated. When Lucifer went to the seat at the front, Cas could feel his throat close even more. His brother had a confident smirk on his face which Cas hated. He gazed over the room until his eyes met Castiel’s. Cas wanted to look away but felt unable to. His stomach turned by the cold and evil look in his brothers' eyes. They were so filled with rage and anger that Cas was afraid of what would happen if they lost.  
“Mr. Novak” Gabe said which made Lucifer draw his gaze away from his little brother and fixed it on Gabriel now.  
“Yes?” he asked innocently.   
“Is it true that when your brother was abused in school you didn’t do anything to help him, even when you saw it and if so why?” Gabe asked his face stone cold.  
“Yes I didn’t help him because it wasn’t my place to say or do something,” he said confidently. Castiel’s hands started sweating as he heard his brothers words.   
“And isn’t it also true that you yourself abused your brother?”  
“Yes but not much.” Gabe quickly looked back at Cas who was too stunned to say something; his brother was straight out lying and he and Gabe knew that.  
“Are you sure because didn’t you stab your brother in the back only a few weeks ago?” Gabriel asked, fully knowing that even if Lucifer denied it, they had proof.  
“Yes I did but...”  
“But what Mr.Novak. You just confessed that you badly injured my client and we have proof for that as well” Gabe said his anger rising as he the pictures of Castiel’S lower back, and the ugly scar, were shown.   
“Are you denying that you did this to my client?”  
“No,” Lucifer said.  
“Then I have no further questions, your honor,” Gabe said, cutting anything off Lucifer could have said.  
Cas had to suppress a smile that started playing at the corners of his mouth. He knew that they would win, there was no way that the jury would let his crazy family go with all the proof they showed and the statements they gave.  
They were sent outside after some more formalities were discussed so that the jury could think about their decision. Cas stood up and ran into Dean’s arms, letting him pull Cas into a tight hug.   
“I’m proud of you” he whispered so that only Castiel could hear it and Cas smiled against his shoulder. Yes, Cas was proud of himself too for finally taking actions against his abusive family. They sat outside with their friends talking, Cas didn’t say much as he was too nervous to really focus on the discussion anyway. His thoughts kept wandering off as he tried to focus on anything that didn’t involve his parents but it wasn’t easy for him. His heart had slowed down a little and the lump in his throat had disappeared almost completely.  
“Cas?” a voice asked and pulled him out of his deep thoughts. Dean was looking at him concerned. Only then did he notice that the others had left them and were standing further away, probably to give them some space.  
“Are you alright?”  
“I don’t know” Cas confessed, leaning against Dean’s shoulder, “what if they decide that they aren’t guilty?” he asked unsurely. Dean shifted a little so that he could have a better look at Castiel.  
“Cas the jury will make the right decision. They aren’t stupid. They won’t let your parents go that easily and the same goes for Lucifer. Everything will be fine, I promise” he said his voice confident. Cas just nodded leaning more against Dean, closing his eyes for a few seconds. He again realized how lucky he was to have Dean as a boyfriend.   
They were asked to come back inside so that the jury could tell them what they decided. Cas opened his eyes again slowly, letting out a long sight before following the others inside again.   
All the guests were standing as one of the jury members spoke up.  
“The jury has decided. In terms of the charges the Novak family has been found guilty in all charges.” Castiel’s eyes widened as happiness and relief ran through his body. Tears formed in his eyes as a big smile spread across his face. Castiel had to control himself though since the sentence hadn’t been spoken yet and the trial wasn’t finished yet. He quickly glanced at Dean who was beaming with happiness.  
“Mrs. Novak was charged with complicity and will be sent to the Topeka Correctional Facility for six months with the opportunity to get probation. As for Mr. Novak and Mr. Novak Jr., you will be sent to the El Dorado Correctional Facility. Regarding the charges you have been found guilty of, you will stay there for three years with no opportunity of probation.” The judge said before letting his hammer fall, dismissing everybody. Cas jumped up and ran towards Dean, letting his tears of joy run freely down his face as he all but threw himself onto the other boy, who caught him, pressing him against his body. They stayed like this for a few seconds before Dean pulled away slightly before pressing their lips together. Cas melted against Dean's lips. When they pulled away both of them were smiling brightly, not able to hold their happiness inside.   
Cas then was hugged by all of his friends and received an extra long hug from Gabriel, which he genuinely gave back, whispering a thank you before pulling away. The group was talking in the hallway of the courthouse when Lucifer walked angrily towards them.  
“You stupid son of a bitch…” he said as he stopped in front of them, Dean stepping closer towards Cas.  
“Lucifer” Cas could hear his mother say trying to calm her son down but Lucifer wasn’t paying any attention to her.   
“I swear I’ll…”  
“You’ll do what Lucifer? Attack me right here with all of those police officers here that will lock you up for an even longer time than you already have to go to jail?” Castiel asked sarcastically as he stepped forward, fixing his brother with a look of pure confidence. Lucifer growled at those words but didn’t say anything.  
“That’s what I thought. I hope I won’t have to see you ever again and that you have a good time in jail, big brother” he said as he walked past him and his family, a victorious smile gracing his lips.  
“Oh and Lucifer? The violin you gave me some time ago, well it’s broken just FYI” he said over his shoulder, hearing his brother curse as they left the building.   
Inside of the Impala Dean turned towards him.  
“I’m so proud of you Cas,” he said as his eyes locked with Castiel’s.   
“Thank you, Dean.” Feeling a blush creep up his face as he turned away, looking out the window at the passing cars.  
“Have I told you, you look good when you are blushing?” Dean asked jokingly, which made Castiel’s face heat up even more. Cas turned back to Dean who was looking at him with pure love and affection in his eyes.  
“Yes Dean you’ve told me this,” he said his voice soft as he leaned closer to the green-eyed boy, pressing a kiss to his cheek before falling back in his seat, turning up the radio as Panic! at the Disco’s Victorious came on the radio. The rest of the drive they spent singing along to songs and laughing at each other when one of them almost scream a part in a song, their voices sounding shrill.   
  
That evening Cas went out with their friends to celebrate their victory. The group decided to go to a Chinese restaurant which had a buffet. They had a good time laughing and eating as much as they could, just enjoying the night. Cas was finally feeling like a load had lifted off of his shoulders and he was finally able to fully enjoy his life again. Castiel was completely drunk when they decided to leave after Gabe insisted on paying and Dean, who had surprisingly drunken less than Cas, had to practically carry him to the Impala.   
They drove for a few minutes in silence until Cas spoke up  
“Dean?” he asked his voice a little slurred.  
“Yea?” he responded, still focused on the road, but Cas didn’t respond anymore and when Dean looked at him, Cas was fast asleep, a smile gracing his lips.   
     
         
  
    
Fanart by forwardandover on tumblr   
  
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	18. Christmas time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, the two boys are finally able to relax after the trial...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I can't believe we have already over 1500 hits. I am so grateful for everyone who is reading this story and has left a comment or kudos. I just wanted to thank all of you guys.  
> PS: Shoutout to my beta E.

Castiel was woken up by someone shaking his shoulder carefully.  
“Cas wake up we’re here,” Dean’s voice said and Cas slowly opened his eyes, adjusting to the light inside the car and the pure darkness outside.   
“What? I’m awake,” he said. He exited the car quicker than he should have, thus causing him to lose his balance. He prepared himself for the hard landing if two strong arms hadn’t caught him in time.  
“Whoa, easy there Tiger.”  
Walking inside the Winchesters house, Sam would sleep at Kevin’s house, the warmth of the house wrapping around Castiel. Without saying something Dean lead him to his bedroom, taking his hand and intertwining their fingers. When Dean closed the door of the room and turned back around to Castiel, he laughed.  
“What are you doing?” he asked as he saw Cas go up to one of his shelves and after some time of searching through it, came back with a box of UNO in his hands.  
“Really?” Dean asked surprised, his eyes wrinkling as he smiled at Castiel. The other boy just smiled eagerly before flopping down on the bed, opening the box and preparing the game. Dean joined him on the bed and soon they were engaged in the game.  
It was way past 4 am when they finally stopped playing, Dean winning most of the rounds, causing Cas to pout as he packed away the game.   
“Come on Cas, we need to go to bed,” Dean said standing up and taking the game from Cas.  
“I don wanna go to bed yet,” Cas slurred, still too much alcohol running through his veins to think straight. (the two glasses of whiskey he had all but drowned while they played didn’t help either).   
“You’re drunk and you need to rest,” Dean told him tiredly, coming around the bed trying to pull the blue-eyed boy up, who had laid down now, refusing to get up.   
“But you need to change,” Dean insisted but Castiel just turned the other way. After a few more attempts of Dean trying to convince Cas to get changed, he finally agreed, standing up on wobbly feet.  
Dean helped him change into one of his hoodies and a pair of sweatpants and then Castiel fell back down onto the mattress with a loud groan, lying in the middle of the king-sized bed.   
“Cas you need to scoot over. “  
“No, I don’t want to go to bed yet. I want to sleep,” he said and Dean had to laugh at the nonsense his boyfriend was saying. Dean walked around him and lifted Castiel’s head and upper body to be able to lay underneath him.   
Cas propped himself up on one elbow, lifting his weight slightly from Dean, reaching out and tapping Dean’s nose.  
“Boop,” he said in a cute and drunken way. When he set on to do it again, Dean caught his wrist, stopping him and leaning closer, pressing a kiss to his lips. Cas melted against his lips and propped himself over Dean who put a hand on his neck, pulling him even closer. Cas could taste the alcohol on Dean’s lips and even on his tongue when he plunged his into Dean’s mouth. They stayed like this, time passing by until Dean pulled away saying that they should really go to sleep now.   
It was quiet for some time before Cas spoke into the silence.   
“Dean?” he asked. The boy next to him groaned but answered with a muffled yes.  
“Thank you,” Castiel’s said in a low voice and Dean turned towards him, laying on his side as well.   
“For what?” he asked confused.  
“For everything. For being there for me and helping me get through all of this,” he admitted in a husky and slightly slurred voice. Instead of answering Dean just pressed a kiss to Castiel’s lips before pulling away mumbling I love you against his lips. Dean had fallen asleep, his breath calm and even. Cas was sleepy himself but before he fell asleep he whispered I love you too into the silence.   
When Castiel woke up the next morning he had an incredible headache. His eyes hurt and they had to adjust to the bright light that shone through the windows of Dean’s bedroom. Cas rolled onto his side, trying to focus on the numbers of Dean’s alarm clock; it was almost 12 am. With a grunt, he stood up and walked to the kitchen.   
Dean was sitting on the kitchen counter with a plate of pancakes in his lap and a book in his right hand. Castiel entered the room, rubbing sleepily at his left eye, trying to wake up completely.   
“Morning sunshine,” Dean greeted and put his book and the food next to him, as Cas approached. The green-eyed boy stood up, pulling the other boy closer by putting a hand on his waist before leaning down and pressing a kiss to his lips.   
“Morning,” Cas said and only then did he notice how rough and husky his voice was from the previous night.   
Dean poured some coffee for Cas and then helped the other boy sit next to him on the kitchen counter, putting the food between them.   
After a few minutes of silence, Cas finally asked.   
“So how drunk was I last night?” a blush creeping up his face.  
“Well…” Dean began, a smile playing at the corners of his lips,” you were pretty hammered, especially after we came here and you drank two more glasses of whiskey while we played Uno.”  
“Why did you let me drink more?”  
“Because you wouldn’t take no for an answer,” Dean said, a smirk on his lips.  
“Wait… we played Uno?” he asked not remembering at all. Dean just nodded and Castiel’s blush intensified.   
“But you are cute when you are drunk,” he added a grin on his face. Cas looked at his hands laying in his lap before a smile started playing at his lips as well. They spent the next hour just sitting in the kitchen and telling stories from previous times they had been drunk, laughing at each other's narration.   
“Okay so one time I was at this bar and they had something called a purple nurple, don’t ask me what it was but they were awesome. Anyways I drank more than I should have and well…”  
“What did you do?” Cas asked, taking another bite from his pancake.  
“I may have accidentally stolen a sign they had there. And I can tell you, the manager was not happy about that,” Dean finished, “it’s right over there,” he said, looking at the wall across from them. Cas followed his gaze and stopped at a sign he had never noticed before.  
“Kill demons, eat pie,” he read out loud, “really?”  
“What? I love pie and I would kill demons…” Dean said innocently as Cas started laughing, tears filling his eyes. Dean playfully punched Cas in the arm.  
“Now let’s hear one of your stories.” Cas sighed trying to contain his laughter.  
“Okay, okay. So...I had downed a few shots by now. I was out with Anna and she was just as drunk as I was. So we then had the brilliant idea to go steal a shopping card and drive around in it.” Dean’s eyebrows shot up to at that.  
“Oh don’t look at me like that.”  
“No, it’s fine. It’s just that I never thought you were the bad type,” Dean said.  
“If only you knew,” Cas said sheepishly, a smirk forming on his lips.   
“Anyways, needless to say, we had a few scratches and bruises the next day,” he concluded.    
Sam came home a few hours later and they all sat down at the sofa and decided to watch some tv since Cas had a pretty bad hangover and wasn’t able to do anything without his muscles aching.   
It was the last week of university before the winter break and Castiel’s professors had decided to put even more work on them. Cas was working in the library, trying to find information on his essay about Stephen King's’ writing style, when his phone vibrated. He looked at the screen, seeing that Anna had sent him a message.  
  
Movie tonight?  
Sorry, I can’t have to study.   
Cas replied.   
Come on Cas.   
She begged but he declined promising to do it again in the holidays. Castiel really wanted to go but he had to hand in four essays at the end of the week and he hadn’t started yet so he couldn’t allow himself to go out.   
The next week past by with Cas working on his school projects almost non-stop, without having any time to do anything else, except eat and text a bit with Dean, who was less busy but had to work at the garage a lot.  
It was December 23rd and Cas was packing his backpack he would take to Dean’s house when his phone rang and Gabriel's name popped up on the screen.  
“Hey.”  
“Hey Castiel,” his brother began, “I have to tell you something.” Castiel’s heart started beating faster, nervous about what his brother would say next.   
“So I have some good news. The last weeks, almost directly after the trial, I started getting the custody for our brothers in motion. So today I got a phone call saying that we did it and they can start living with me,” he said happily. Castiel’s eyes widened from excitement and a grin spread across his face.   
“That is awesome, I can’t believe you did it. You’re the best!” he said not being able to keep the enthusiasm out of his voice as he spoke.   
“Thanks, Cas.”  
“So are you still coming tomorrow?”   
“Yup. At six wasn’t it?” Gabriel asked.  
“Yes.”  
“Okay I have to go now, see you tomorrow,” Gabe said before ending the call. Once they had hung up he quickly texted Anna.  
“Gabe just called me.”  
“What did he say?” Anna asked almost immediately.  
“That he won the custody battle.” Cas texted.  
“That’s great. I am really happy for you and your brothers.”  
“Thanks, Anna.”   
She just replied with a heart smiley. A few minutes later Cas heard the rumble of the Impala and left his apartment. He entered the sleek, black car, a smile still on his face which Dean instantly noticed.  
“What’s up with you?” he asked as he started driving.   
“Gabe won the custody battle and now Michael and Rafael are gonna live with him until they are 18,” he stated happily. Dean started grinning as well.  
“That’s great Cas. I’m happy for you.” The rest of the short drive they spent talking about their plans for Christmas and New Year’s. Cas would stay at the Winchesters house over the holidays.   
Dean parked in front of his house, taking Castiel’s bag from the trunk and going inside, followed by Castiel. Sam was sitting in the kitchen with one of his friends, Kevin if Cas remembered correctly, and after they greeted each other, they headed to Dean’s room. They spent the rest of the day listening to music, mostly their Spotify playlist, and talking about just everything and anything. It was a great day and Cas was feeling so relaxed and happy that he was able to spend some quality time with Dean.   
Cas woke up to the smell of pancakes and coffee. Dean wasn’t there anymore and so Castiel assumed that he was in the kitchen, preparing breakfast. It was a little after 9 am when he walked to the kitchen and was greeted by Dean wearing an apron and a pair of sweatpants, without a shirt.   
Cas had to admit that it looked really damn hot and he wanted nothing more than to take that apron off but his thoughts disappeared when he saw Sam sitting at the kitchen table, a book in hand.   
“Morning,” he greeted the two brothers as he sat down next to Sam, trying not to stare at Dean.   
Sam and Cas got into a debate about the book Sam was reading and whether or not the protagonist should be forgiven by the reader or not.   
A few minutes later, Dean joined them and after Dean called both of them nerds and received a bitchface from Sam, they started planning their day.   
An hour later they were on their way to the supermarket. Cas was riding shotgun and Sam in the back. Dean was in a really good mood and his brother must have noticed as well since he didn’t complain about listening to Metallica so early in the morning.   
Dean was lucky and found a parking spot right in front of the doors. Inside it was packed with people doing last minute Christmas shopping and the three boys decided to split up. Sam would get the vegetables and Dean would take care of the things they would need for the pies, yes they would have more than one, while Cas took care of the meat and some other essentials for tonight's dinner.   
Back at the Impala, after over an hour of searching for everything, Dean made a number of calls to clarify some things for today's evening.   
“Okay everybody will come at around 6:30 pm,” Dean said. Cas looked over to him, rattled form Dean’s voice. Dean quickly glanced at him, furrowing his brow.   
“Cas you okay?” he asked and Castiel just nodded. The truth was that he was okay; he was just really nervous about today, especially about his gift for Dean. They had said no gifts but he had still gotten him one. He didn’t want Dean to feel bad if he hadn’t gotten Cas anything because he knew that Dean would beat himself up for not having thought of something and Cas really didn’t want that.   
They spent the next hours preparing the food and making a mess in the kitchen. Sam had gone upstairs after he had finished his part of the meal prepping and decorating the living room, plus setting the table, while Cas and Dean were still in the kitchen finishing off their parts of the dinner.  Dean was almost finished with making the dough for the pie when Castiel, who had finished his dish a few moments ago, came up to him, wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist and placing his chin on Dean’s shoulder.   
“Hey.”  
“Hey,” Cas whispered back. Dean turned around, wrapping his arms around Cas, pulling him closer.  
“Dean don’t. You’re going to ruin my shirt,” Cas said trying to free himself out of Dean’s grip but that made Dean pull him tighter against him, letting his hands wander all over Castiel’s shirt, smearing the flour on his hands onto the fabric.   
“Am I?” he asked a smirk on his face. When the blue-eyed boy finally freed himself out of Dean’s hug, he put his hand into the bag of flour and pressed it against Dean’s upper arm, leaving a handprint there.   
“You’re impossible,” Dean said leaning down and pulling Cas into a kiss his hands combing through Castiel’s hair, the flour leaving white highlights in the messed up hair. They kissed for a few more minutes before Cas went to the bathroom, to take a shower. He let the warm water hit his skin, relaxing his tense muscles. He cleaned himself up and then left the shower, a towel around his waist. Cas stopped in front of the mirror, staring at his reflection.   
His hair was wet, water dripping onto the floor. He had to admit that he looked more relaxed than he did when the school year had first started. His gaze drifted to his upper body and the scars that decorated his skin. Castiel still hated them and he wished that they weren’t there but he was slowly starting to accept that they were part of his life and body as well. He is not saying that they won’t continue to bother him because he still remembers pretty vividly how he got them but he thinks that maybe he’ll be able to come to terms with his past. It will always be there in the back of his mind, occasionally nagging at his thoughts but with the help of his family, and Dean, he can deal with the memories that will come up.   
A knock on the door brought him back to reality.  
“Hey, Cas you still in there?” Dean’s voice bled through the door.  
“Yea I’m almost finished.”  
“Better hurry up. I want to have some warm water too,” he teased, making Cas give him an eyeroll even though he couldn’t see it. With a smile on his face, he opened the door and was met by a wide-eyed Dean. Castiel’s smile grew a little when he noticed that Dean was scanning his upper body with his eyes. When they locked eyes, Dean started blushing furiously, looking away quickly in an attempt to hide his embarrassment. Without saying anything, Cas just walked past Dean and into his bedroom.   
Cas quickly changed into his outfit for tonight; a black suit with a white button up and a blue tie. He was trying to tame his messy hair when Dean entered the room, fully clothed. He was wearing a dark blue suit, with a white button up shirt underneath and a dark red tie. Cas turned around to him, a bright smile on his face.   
“Looking good Mr. Novak,” he said approaching Cas.  
“You don’t look bad yourself, Mr. Winchester,” he said back before leaning up kissing Dean.   
A few minutes later their guests arrived; Bobby, Ellen, and Gabriel with Rafael and Michael. The three boys greeted them happily as they entered the house, putting the food they had brought with them on the table. Castiel helped Dean and Sam bring their dishes to the table as well, and soon they were all sitting around the table, eating the delicious food.   
A few minutes of silence passed, everyone focused on eating and tasting everything.  
“Gabe I’d like to ask you something,” Cas began.  
“Yea what is it?” his older brother asked curiously.   
“No Cas it’s fine you don’t have to ask…” Dean said next to him and Cas noticed for maybe the first time how insecure Dean was of something. He looked over to his boyfriend and locked eyes with him.   
Dean, you know you want this too so don’t back out of this was what Cas was trying to tell Dean through his gaze, and it looked like Dean gave in and told him to get it over with. So Cas averted his gaze back to his brother.  
“So Dean, Sam and I have been talking about this for a while and we wanted to ask you if you could help us with something else. As you know John Winchester has been a horrible father and is clearly not able to take care of his children, especially Sam. Even though he hasn’t demanded Sam to come back and live with him, he could very well do so. Because of that and also the fact that Sam would rather stay with Dean, we wanted to ask you if you could help us to get Dean to be his legal guardian,” he concluded, curious to see what his brother would say.   
Gabe thought about this new information for a few moments, the whole group waiting in anticipation, before clearing his throat.  
“Cas, I would be honored to take this case. I can’t guarantee anything, at least not yet but I will try my best. Just keep in mind that this could take some time and that I would need to be informed about some private experiences Sam and Dean had, that maybe they aren’t ready to tell,” he told all of them, looking first at Sam and then at Dean.   
The green-eyed boy took a deep breath before answering.  
“I know but for Sammy’s sake I would talk about anything,” he admitted looking over at his brother who was giving him a big smile. Castiel searched for Dean's hand, intertwining their fingers.   
Sitting in the living room, everyone had gathered their presents. Cas was the first one to give his presents to everyone; he had bought a few books for Sam, some car toys for his little brothers, two tickets for an Elvis concert for Ellen and Bobby, the tickets were actually from him and Dean, and a gift card to learn how to play the piano for his brother. Everyone thanked him, giving him a warm hug.  
“How did you know I wanted to learn how to play the piano?” his brother had asked.  
“I remembered how you were always talking about it when you were at home and I thought that you probably wouldn’t have done it until now anyway,” Cas said with a smirk on his face.   
“Yeah, you’re right. I was too busy being awesome,” Gabe said and everyone laughed at that. Cas got some paintings from his younger siblings, a few books from Sam as well and a trip to LA with Dean from Gabriel, Ellen, and Bobby. When he opened the envelope his eyes widened as a grin spread on his face.   
“What is it?” Dean asked, excitement in his voice.  
“A three days trip to LA,” Cas announced, his eyes sparkling with joy and anticipation.   
“No fucking way..” Dean exclaimed, jumping to his feet and hugging all of them with a lot of energy and enthusiasm. Cas hugged them as well, thanking all of them. After everyone got their presents, they stayed in the living room, drinking alcohol, Dean had allowed Sam to drink a little as well, only beer though, and playing board games like Monopoly and Uno. Gabriel won Monopoly and Bobby and Sam both won three rounds of Uno.   
When everyone left it was already after 2 am, and Rafael and Michael had fallen asleep a few hours ago on Dean’s sofa and were now complaining about having to drive home. Everybody had helped clean the kitchen a little, taking the plates they had brought with them, home again. Sam had gone to bed, tired from the night and the alcohol, leaving Cas and Dean alone. The two boys were sitting in the living room, each a glass of Whiskey in hand, talking about the past day.   
“I can’t believe they gave us tickets for LA,” Dean said, still baffled from the gift.   
“Yea me too. We definitely have to go out and have dinner with them at some point.” Dean nodded agreeing.   
“Gabriel is really awesome. I mean, agreeing to help us with this as well, I am really impressed,” Dean stated.  
“He really is great.”  
After talking a bit more they went to Dean’s bedroom to go to sleep. Dean was about to get undressed when Cas grabbed his wrist, stopping him from loosening his tie.  
“What?” Dean asked confused. Cas looked up to him under hooded eyes, suddenly unsure of himself.   
“I know we said no gifts but I couldn’t resist,” Cas said before going to his bag and taking out two wrapped gifts, handing them to Dean. The green-eyed boy took them but just stayed there, a smile slowly spreading on his face.  
“Cas you really didn’t have too,” he started but when he saw that Cas was about to say something, raised his hand and continued speaking, “but I have to admit I got you something too,” Dean concluded before stepping away from Cas and getting a gift out of one of his drawers. They both sat down on Dean’s bed, exchanging gifts.   
“You first,” Cas said, gesturing to the presents in Dean’s lap. He took the first one and slowly opened it, careful to not damage the content.   
He opened the black box and his eyes started to sparkle a little. He took the green tie out of its case, letting the smooth fabric run through his hands.   
“Thank you. It’s beautiful.” He set on opening the second present. When the paper was all gone and he was looking at the cover of the book in his hand he looked a little confused. Cas chuckled lightly.  
“You have to open it.” Dean did as he was told and opened it, looking at the first page.  
  
 _When I say I love you more_  
 _I don’t mean I love you more than you love me_  
 _I mean_  
 _I love you more than the bad days ahead of us_  
 _I love you more than any fight we will ever have_  
 _I love you more than any distance between us_  
 _I love you more than any obstacle_  
 _That could ever try and come between us_  
 _I love you the most_  
  
 _-Castiel Novak_  
  
The rest of the book was filled with poems and also some small notes Cas had made while he himself had been reading the book. Dean lifted his head, his eyes glistering from the tears he was trying to hold back.   
“Cas this is beautiful,” was the only thing he was able to say before leaning forward and capturing Castiel’s lips. Dean pulled away with a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.   
“Ok your turn,” he said happily. Cas looked down at his lap taking the present and tearing open the paper. Inside was a book. He must have looked as confused as Dean because the boy next to him said teasingly.  
“You have to open it.” Cas obliged, after giving him an eye-roll and did as he was told. He almost froze as he flipped through the pages; Inside the book were pictures of him, mostly, doing something or just sitting somewhere, looking completely at peace Dean had continuously been taking pictures since the day they had their first “date” when Cas wasn’t paying attention. He had even written small notes and sentences underneath each one of them. His smile widened the more pictures he saw, especially when Castiel saw ones with both of them, which were mostly selfies Dean had taken.   
“This is gorgeous Dean.” Castiel’s hand reached out wrapping itself around Dean’s red tie, pulling him closer and crushing their lips together. Castiel’s other hand combing through his hair, while Dean’s hands were on his hips, pulling him even closer. Soon they were both only in their slacks, laying in bed, Dean over Cas, kissing him passionately. The green-eyed boy was lowering his head, now pressing kisses against Castiel’s neck, sucking at the skin there, drawing a soft moan out of Castiel. Cas was so lost in this sensation he never wanted this to stop and he knew he could never get tired of kissing Dean.   
“Dean I… oh sorry guys,” Sam said as he opened the door and then quickly left the room, after realizing that he was interrupting them. Dean almost jumped off of Cas, shocked, a hot blush creeping up his already heated face. Castiel froze, his eyes slightly widened with shock and a lot of embarrassment.   
“Sammy,” Dean growled before rushing to the door and disappearing into the hallway. Cas let himself fall back onto the bed, his body relaxing slowly.   
Sam had just walked in on them making out and he was feeling pretty awkward about it. They should lock the door from now on, he decided. Dean came back a few minutes later, making sure to lock the door behind him. He crawled back onto the bed, laying next to Cas, letting out a sight.   
“Well that was awkward,” he stated turning towards Cas.  
“Yup,” he agreed, “and now he ruined the mood,” Castiel added, a slight disappointment in his voice. Dean just smirked at that and climbed back over Cas, lowering his head and capturing his lips again.   
“Did he though?” he asked cockily before he brushed over Castiel’s jaw and continued downwards stopping at his neck, resuming on sucking a light bruise into his skin. They eventually fell asleep, limbs entangled, and Castiel’s head resting on Dean’s chest.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
      
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	19. Free to be you and me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter the year is going to end and some new friends are comming into both of their lives...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So guys, new chapter. I just wanted to say that we have only three chapters left (if you count in the  
> epilogue) and I wanted to say how grateful I am that you're all reading this and commenting.  
> Shoutout goes to my beta E.

When Cas woke up the next morning, Dean was still sleeping peacefully next to him. He looked at the clock on the nightstand; it was almost 10 AM. Cas shifted slightly snuggling closer towards Dean. Cas would have never thought that he could finally be happy. Be allowed to be in _love_. Cas always thought he was doomed to be lonely and suffer, hell, he thought that, mostly because of his family, until only half a year ago when he first met the boy next to him. So much had happened in these past months and even though he went through some hard times, Dean was by his side and for that he was grateful. A smile made its way to Castiel’s lips as he continued thinking about all the great things that happened since the semester had begun.

“Cas wake up,” Dean’s voice said, gently shaking Castiel’s shoulder. The blue-eyed boy hadn’t noticed that he had fallen back asleep and turned around to look at Dean who was now sitting up, a soft smile on his lips. 

“I’m awake,” he said his voice rough from sleep. 

“We have to get ready, Anna and Crowley are coming over later and it’s already like 12:20 pm.” Cas groaned, burying himself deeper into the soft covers, trying to fall back asleep. 

“C’mon,” Dean persisted but that made Cas pull the covers over his head, muffling a _“no”_ through the fabric. Without a warning Dean pulled the covers back and off of Castiel’s body, earning a displeased whine from his boyfriend. Cas got up eventually and after shooting Dean an angry glare, walked past him and into the kitchen. Dean followed him only a few minutes later. 

“Morning,” a voice came from the couch in the living room, both turning to Sam who was reading a book. They both greeted the younger Winchester before Cas poured coffee into two cups and the two boys sat opposite to Sam in the living room. 

“How did you sleep?” Sam asked casually. Cas could feel a blush creep up his neck and when he looked over to Dean, his cheeks were reddening as well. Without looking his brother in the eyes he said, 

“Fine.”  Sam must have noticed how uncomfortable they both were and quickly changed topic.

“So do you guys have any plans for today?”

“Yea Anna and Crowley will come over and we’ll go out tonight probably,” Cas said, finally looking at the younger boy. 

“Okay that’s great. I wanted to ask until when you’ll be here because Jess will probably come over later and it would be nice if we had some privacy, if that’s okay with Dean,” Sam asked shyly, looking for permission in his brothers eyes.

“Well I don’t know when we’ll leave but she can still come over, we won’t interrupt you,” Dean said, a sheepish grin spreading on his face.

“Okay I’ll call her later,” Sam said, standing up, making ready to leave.

“Oh and Sammy? Use protection,” Dean shouted after him.

“Dean, come on!” Sam said, quickly walking into his room. When they heard the door close, Dean broke out into laughter. Cas punched him playfully in the arm.

“Dean why are you so mean to your brother?” Cas asked, smiling a little himself.

“I’m not mean. I am just teasing. I mean he walked in on us making out, I think I’ll be allowed to make him a little uncomfortable too.”

Sitting on Dean’s bed, the two boys were looking through the photo album Cas had gotten yesterday. The doorbell rang when they were laughing over a picture of Castiel squinting at the sun. Dean opened the door, letting the couple enter after hugging both of them. 

“Hey guys,” Cas said from the living room as he set down four beers on the brown coffee table. 

They all settled down on the couch and the armchairs before any of them spoke. 

“So how was Christmas?” Anna asked, taking a sip from her beer.

“Well it was pretty great. Dinner was delicious and the presents were lovely as well, even though something really embarrassing happened,” Castiel told them, a shy smile on his lips. Crowley leaned forward in his seat, suddenly interested in what Cas had said. 

“What do you mean by _embarrassing_?”

“My brother walked in on us making out,” Dean said after clearing his throat and Castiel started blushing slightly. The couple bursted out laughing which caused the two boys to get even more red.  

“Sorry guys it’s just so funny, like haven’t you heard about locking the door?” Anna asked clutching her stomach from laughter. Dean just glared at her, embarrassment still visible on his features. 

“Anyways we want to invite you to your New Years party at my place,” the redhead announced. 

“Awesome, count us in.” Dean said and Castiel agreed, telling them that they would be there at 10:30 pm. They spent the rest of the day at home, everybody too exhausted to go out.

They drank a few more beers, talking and watching some reruns of _Friends_ after ordering pizza.

Jessica came a little after 8 pm and the two teens went straight to Sam’s room, locking the door behind them.

“So who was that?” Crowley asked after the door to Sam’s room closed.

“Sammy’s girlfriend,” Dean said.

“She looks nice,” Anna said, ”but they left pretty quickly,” she commented. Dean smirked at that.

“Yeah I guess. They wanted to have _privacy_ ,” the green-eyed boys said suggestively.

“When we wanted to have _privacy_ , we arranged for the house to be _empty_ and not filled with adults,” Crowley said.

“Well what can I say?” Dean asked, taking another sip from his beer.

The next few days Dean and Cas spent by walking through town before ending up in a cafe or bookshop, not only to warm their bodies from the cold but also to look for more books they could buy. Dean mostly sat in a chair waiting for Castiel to finish his shopping before leaving again, continuing their walk. 

It was already 8 pm when Cas was finally ready. It was the last day of the year and they would have dinner at Gabriel’s house and then drive to Anna’s party. 

Sam would stay at Kevin’s house for the night. Cas was looking at himself in the bathroom mirror, a hand going through his messy hair, trying to tame it but this gesture only caused it to get even messier. After taking a deep breath he went back to Dean’s room. The green-eyed boy was standing in front of the mirror himself, fixing the green tie Cas had gotten him for Christmas. Cas approached him, putting his hands on his waist and turning him around, pressing their lips together. Dean only hesitated for a second before kissing Cas back, wrapping his hands around Castiel’s neck, deepening the kiss. The blue-eyed boy pulled away slightly, smiling against Dean’s lips.

When Dean pulled away completely, Castiel felt cold, the warmth of Dean’s body leaving. 

“Are you ready?” Dean asked, looking into Castiel’s blue eyes. 

“Yes,” he said wanting to turn around but Dean put his hand on Castiel’s arm, turning him back around.

“What?”

“Your tie.. it’s…” Dean said before his hands went up to fix Castiel’s tie, which was turned around and slightly crooked to the left. Cas smiled shyly before exiting the room, Dean following him. 

“You ready Sammy?” Dean asked his little brother who was waiting, sitting on the couch, one of the books Cas had given him for Christmas in hand. 

“I was only waiting for you,” his voice filled with sass. 

“Okay, okay, no need to be sassy.” Dean smiled putting on his jacket and taking the keys to the Impala, opening the door. Cas put on his trenchcoat and a scarf. The drive to Gabriel was filled with laughter as the two brothers argued if licorice was delicious or not. Cas had to side with Sam, telling Dean that it was horrible. Dean then told them that they had no idea what _good_ candy was and that he would ask Gabe what he thought about it since he had a sweet tooth for pretty much everything.

Dean parked the Impala in front of the older Novak’s house and they all exited, quickly walking to the front door. Gabriel, Raphael and Michael greeted them happily, leading the three boys into the kitchen, where Bobby and Ellen where already seated, drinking a glass of wine each. Cas sat down next to Dean and Raphael, pouring himself, and Dean, a glass of wine as well. 

The food was great and everyone praised Gabriel for his cooking skills. Cas had a great time and he was feeling grateful once again to be able to call all of these people his family. 

Last year he wouldn’t have dreamt of being in a relationship, let alone so publicly. Dean and Cas left at around 10 pm, wishing all of them a good New Year before walking to the Impala.

Dean started the engine, pulling out of Gabriel’s driveway. 

The drive to Anna’s family house wasn’t long and on the drive there, the two boys listened to one of Dean’s cassettes, Metallica blasting through the speakers. A really excited Anna opened the front door, pulling Cas into a bone crushing hug, before she hugged Dean with the the same amount of  enthusiasm. 

“Guys, awesome that you could make it. Let me introduce you to everybody,” she said and it was obvious that she wasn’t sober anymore. They approached two girls who were talking to each other, red cup in hand. 

“So this is Charlie,” she introduced, gesturing towards the redhead, “and this is Jo,” motioning to the blond girl. Charlie was shorter than Cas, with her red hair cut short. She was wearing a simple black dress, her hair wavy. Even though she wasn’t really tall she still looked like she could kick ass anytime. Jo was the same height as the other girl, her dirty-blond hair was cut a little bit beneath her shoulders. She was wearing a more casual outfit, consisting of black jeans and a black top with a green flannel on top. Like her friend she looked like she was someone who wouldn’t back down from a fight.  

“Hey, I’m Castiel,” the blue-eyed boy said stretching out his hand for each of them to shake. Cas was instead pulled into a hug by the redhead, Charlie.

“Nice to meet you,” she said over the sound of the music and Cas laughed slightly by how welcoming she was. When she finally released him, and then went on to hug Dean, Cas turned towards the other girl, Jo.

“Hey nice to meet you, I’m Castiel.” 

“Nice meeting you Castiel,” she said a genuine smile forming on her lips. Anna’s voice spoke up again over the sound of the music. 

“You have to meet the boys,” she urged before pulling him along on his sleeve, Dean following behind. They approached a group of three boys sitting on a grey couch, chatting excitedly. 

“Hey guys so this is Cas and Dean,” Anna announced before leaving them to go greet some more people. 

“Hey I’m Ash,” one of the guys said. He had blond hair which was shoulder long, and trimmed on the sides. 

“I’m Benny,” the brunette said, smiling widely at them. He was wearing an old fisherman's hat and from what Cas could tell, he sounded british, just like Crowley. 

The last one to introduce himself was another blond guy, his hair kept fairly short.

“Balthazar,” he said, shaking Castiel’s and Dean’s hand before taking another sip from his drink.  
“Do you wanna sit?” Ash asked. Both nodded before settling down across from the other guys. 

“So you two together or something?” Balthazar asked, earning a punch on the arm from Benny. 

“Dude…”

“What? It’s obvious,” he commented back, looking first at Dean and then at Cas who was blushing slightly. 

“Yea we are,” Dean said looking at Balthazar. 

“Anyways I have this old Chevy Impala 64 and I’ve been working on this car for so long but I just can’t get it up and running,” Ash told them and Cas could see excitement flare up in Dean’s eye before he spoke.

“I can help you with it. I have an Impala Chevy 67 and I work in a garage so if you want I could take a look at it.” Ash smiled and they soon started talking about cars and motorcycles. Benny and Cas began talking about different books and poets, Benny telling him that he would like to read some of Castiel’s stuff, if Cas agreed. 

After some time Jo and Charlie joined them. As it turned out, they were really good friends with the three boys, and now everybody was talking with each other, laughing and drinking.  

Cas had a great time and he really liked the group of friends a lot, hoping  that they would meet again. Castiel was farley drunk when the clock struck 11:58 pm and everybody gathered outside to watch the fireworks.

He was standing next to Dean, their fingers interlaced as they leaned against each other, the heat of Dean’s body radiating off of him. 

“Cas?” the green-eyed boy asked, making Cas look up, meeting his green orbs. 

“Yea?”

“I just wanted to say thank you,” Dean said shyly, trying to avoid Castiel’s gaze.

“For what?” Cas asked turning so that he could have a better look at Dean. 

“I don’t know… just for… everything I guess,” he said finally meeting Castiel’s gaze. The blue-eyed boy tightened his grip around Dean’s hand. He wanted to say something but the people around them started counting down. 

_Ten._

_Nine._

_Eight._

Cas took a deep breath, trying to think of all the good things this year brought him.

_Seven._

_Six._

_Five._

Meeting Dean, falling in love for the first time…

_Four._

_Three._

_Two._

_One._

“Happy New Year!” everyone around them screamed, hugging friends or kissing their significant other. Cas was so amazed by everything that he didn’t notice that Dean was now standing in front of him, pulling him closer by his waist. Only when soft lips pressed against his own did he come back to reality, melting into the kiss. He plunged his tongue into Dean mouth, earning a groan from him. 

His hands were combing through Dean’s styled hair, messing it up, while Dean’s hands were roaming his sides, gliding up and down. 

Cas pulled away slightly, their bodies still pressed together, looking into Dean’s jade green eyes.

“You are beautiful,” Dean mumbled against his lips, making Cas grin. 

“I love you, Dean Winchester,” Cas whispered softly.

“I love you too, Castiel Novak.”

The next few weeks went by pretty quickly; Cas had a lot to do for university and he had gotten the job at the coffee shop, which kept him fairly  busy. He still spent a lot of time with Dean. They had grown closer with Anna’s friends and Castiel was now able to call them his friends as well. They spent a lot of time hanging out in bars or coffee shops since it was winter and still pretty cold outside. 

His new job, which was close to his apartment, was great. He was a fast learner and his boss, Garth, was a really nice guy even though sometimes he looked a little lost and unorganized. At his first few days Castiel had earned a lot of tips and Castiel was definitely amazed by it. His friends came over a lot, ordering food or drinks as they laughed and had a great time. Cas also found out that they liked ordering him around, even Dean. He wasn’t mad at them though, just a little annoyed after Balthazar had called him to their table for the third time so that Cas could refill his cup.

“Dude it’s enough,” Charlie had told him to which Balthazar had only responded with an innocent smile.

“What?” he asked.

“Just behave yourself,” Jo said, looking now at Cas, a sheepish grin on her lips. Castiel raised an eyebrow as he waited for her to say something.

“Could you refill my cup, please?” she asked, leaving Cas with an annoyed expression. The rest of the group started laughing and even Cas couldn’t suppress a chuckle.

“Fine,” he said leaning forward to fill the brown liquid into her empty mug. 

“Cas come sit with us,” Charlie said, looking expectantly at her friend.

“Sorry I can’t. I still have to work but I get off in half an hour.” A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as Castiel turned around and went back to work. 

Only 45 minutes later they were all on their way to Castiel’s apartment. Well not all of them since Balthazar and Ash had to leave. Dean would meet them there he promised. 

The four friends were sitting on Castiel’s couch when the doorbell rang. Castiel had to control himself not to run to the front door. Dean was on the other side and Cas almost threw himself into Dean’s arms, crushing their lips together. Cas melted against him letting his hands cradle through Deans soft hair. When Dean pulled away after a few moments, Cas wanted the heat against his lips back but still looked up into Dean’s smiling but surprised face.

“What’s gotten into you?” he asked a little confused.

“Gabe texted me earlier and told me that he has already filed the papers for custody,” he said with an excited smile. Dean’s smile grew into a grin as he hugged Cas. 

“That’s awesome,” the older boy exclaimed before taking Castiel’s hand and walking into the living room to greet the others. Dean sat down next to his boyfriend, taking a sip from his beer. 

“What happened?” Charlie asked as she looked between the two boys.

“Well Castiel’s brother will help us with getting Sammy’s custody,” Dean told the group happily.

“That’s great. Your brother really is awesome,” Benny said turning towards Cas, to which he just nodded.

The three friends left a few hours later, leaving Cas and Dean alone. Cas scooted closer, cuddling against Dean, who slung an arm around him. He pressed a soft kiss against Castiel’s hair before looking at his phone.

“I’ve gotta go. I promised Sammy I would pick him up,” Dean said before standing up. Cas grabbed his wrist though, pulling him back onto the couch. 

“Come on,” he whined.

“I have to go otherwise he won’t stop complaining for _days_ ,” Dean told him, trying again to stand up but Cas just pulled him back, pressing their lips together. The other boy responded quickly, leaning into the kiss, his hands on Castiel’s neck, drawing his even closer, their bodies pressed flush against one another. Castiel’s tongue plunging into Dean’s mouth, making the other man moan in response. 

When Dean finally pulled away, Cas let out a disappointed groan.

“Come on don’t pout. I am already late because you are just irresistible.” Castiel smiled at that, a smirk on his lips.

“Fine,” he said defeated before standing up himself to walk Dean to the door. The boy had just put on his jacket when Cas was pulling him in for another kiss. When he tried to deepen it, Dean pulled away. 

“I really have to go,” he said with a sheepish grin on his face.

Castiel was fast asleep, when his phone started ringing. He opened his eyes, searching for his phone sleepily, his eyes trying to adjust to the brightness of his screen.

“Hello?” he asked, voice rough.

“Cas?” Dean’s voice spoke on the other end of the line.

“What happened is everything alright?” he asked more awake now, worry in his voice.

“Gabriel just called…” he started.

“What did he say?” Cas asked curiously. It was silent for a few moments and Castiel’s worries grew with every passing second.

“Dean?” he said carefully. He heard the other boy chuckle, before he finally spoke.

“He won,” he bubbled excitedly.

“What? That’s awesome. We have to celebrate that,” Cas said cheerfully, “but why did he call you this early?”

“Cas it’s 10 am,” Dean chuckled.

“Oh.”

“Anyway I have to go. Talk to you later,” Dean said before hanging up. Cas rolled onto his back, sighting. He had only slept for four hours after spending the whole night studying for an important exam in psychology he had today. His eyes felt sleepy and he had to force himself out of bed, not trusting himself to wake up in time for his test if he fell asleep now.

Making himself a cup of coffee he sat down, going over everything again trying to memorize it perfectly. His thoughts though had other ideas and were floating around, rather thinking about Dean’s green eyes and the thousands of freckles covering his body, than his notes. 

He gave up after half an hour deciding to take a quick shower and then drive to college. 

His exam went better than Cas would have thought and a few hours later, he was sitting in a restaurant with Sam, Dean and Gabriel, toasting the win of Dean’s case. He took a long sip from his drink, gazing at Dean who was sitting next to him. He could tell that he was glad he didn’t need to worry about their father again and Sam looked happy as well. Even though Cas had doubted that John would have taken legal actions, he was still feeling better now, knowing that he couldn't anymore.

As if knowing that Cas was thinking about him, Dean looked up from his plate, smiling genuinely at him. Cas returned the smile before continuing with eating his pasta.

“So when are you two leaving for L.A.?” Gabe asked at some point.

“March 4th,” Cas said, looking at his brother.

“Sammy will stay with Bobby and Ellen,” Dean added.

“Awesome. I hope you’ll have a great time.”

“Thanks Gabe. And thank you for helping us these last few months, we don’t know what we would have done without you,” Cas told his older brother, solemnly.

“You don’t have to thank me Castiel. I’m your brother and I would have done more if I could,” he admitted. Cas searched for a trace of dishonesty in his brothers eyes but there was nothing else except truth and loyalty. 

Cas payed for the meal and they all went home after that.

Cas and Dean had to work the next day and Sammy would meet with a friend to study for a project they worked on in school.

Dean drove Castiel home, giving him a quick kiss, when Sam wasn’t looking before driving away, Castiel hearing the loud engine as the car quickly disappeared into the night.    

 

    


	20. City of angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter of this story and the boys are going to L. A.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit guys so this is the last chapter of my story (without the epilogue). I am so grateful that I actually got to finish this story because of all of you guys so a massive thank you for that.  
> Ps: this story has some sexy time in it just FYI.

Gabriel drove them to the airport the morning of their flight since the Impala would stay at the Winchesters house. Sam had come with them and was sitting shotgun, talking animated with Gabriel about the new book he had gotten about true crime stories. Cas was leaning against Dean, his head resting on his shoulder, eyes weary and tired. Their flight was at 6 am and now it was 3:12 am. The previous night Castiel and Dean hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep, since they were too distracted with exploring one another's body. 

Dean was as exhausted as Castiel, though he had the time to drink a coffee before they had to leave. Cas on the other hand had misplaced his passport and spent the whole morning searching for it, until he found it five minutes before Gabriel arrived in one of his coat pockets. 

The four men arrived at the airport only half an hour later. Gabriel helped them get their luggage out of his trunk and then hugged them goodbye, whispering into Castiel’s ear to use protection. Cas pulled away, staring at his brother with a shocked and embarrassed look, to which Gabe just smirked before getting back into the car. Cas hugged the younger Winchester as well, before taking his luggage and walking inside, Dean reaching out and intertwining their fingers. 

After checking in and getting a few weird and judging glances from the girl at the checkin counter, they were sitting at a caffe, Cas finally ordering a cappuccino. He was so eager to drink the brown liquid that he burned his tongue, making a pained expression. 

“Too hot?” Dean chuckled, clearly amused.

“Oh shut up,” Cas said back, putting the steaming cup of coffee back onto the table. Dean laughed harder at that, caressing Castiel’s hand with his thumb. 

“Are you excited?” Dean asked after a few moments of silence.

“Of course I am. I’ve never been anywhere else except for the towns near Kansas. My parents never allowed me to travel much and they didn’t either so I haven’t seen a lot of the world, yet,” Cas said, the slightest bit of melancholy in his voice.

“That sucks. My father was never a big traveler either, especially after mom died but we went on a few trips with Bobby in the summer, when dad would disappear for sometimes weeks and Bobby didn’t want us to be alone,” he said looking into Castiel’s blue orbs, “now that we are together I’ll travel with you, wherever you want to go. I promise.”

The corners of Castiel’s lips rose up at that and he leaned forward pressing a soft kiss to Dean’s cheek.

“That’s awesome, though you know how sappy that sounded, right?” he asked teasingly. 

“I know,” he said shyly.

Entering the plane, they sat down at their seats, Castiel at the window and Dean next to him. The flight attendant had just finished the instruction speech when the plane started moving. Dean glanced at Castiel from the side before speaking up.

”You anxious?” he asked. Cas turned towards him, locking eyes.

“A little,” he admitted shyly. 

“Hey, it’s your first flight. Everything will be fine,” Dean assured him, taking his hand intertwining their fingers. The plane started speeding up and Dean’s grip around Castiel’s hand tightened. Castiel looked questioningly at Dean.

“Everything all right?” he asked a little concerned.

“Yea,” Dean said but Cas could see that he was lying.

“Are you afraid of flying?” he asked.

“No,” the green-eyed boy huffed but it was obvious that he didn’t mean it. So Castiel tightened his grip as well, leaning closer against Dean.

“Are you humming Metallica?” Cas asked after identifying the melody.

“It calms me down,” was the only response Cas got, a smile sneaking up his lips. 

The three hours and forty-five minute flight went by faster than they expected. Castiel slept most of the flight and when he was awake, he read or listened to music together with Dean. Arriving at Los Angeles they took their luggage and went outside, finding a taxi pretty quickly, telling the driver where to go. 

They arrived at the _InterContinental Los Angeles Century City_ at Beverly Hills which was the hotel they would be staying at. Dean had gotten it as a gift from Gabriel, Ellen and Bobby for his birthday and after a lot of protest that it was _too much_ and he _couldn’t accept it_ , they finally convinced, both of them to take it and have a good time. The two boys entered the lobby and were greeted by a friendly looking lady at the reception. 

“What can I do for you?” she asked with a smile.

“We have a reservation under the name Novak,” Castiel told her.

“Two single beds, wasn't it?” she asked expectantly. 

“A double bedroom,” Dean corrected, looking at her a little shyly. 

She just nodded before changing something in her computer and then proceeding in handing them their roomkey. The couple entered the room and Castiel stopped dead in his tracks. The room was beautiful. It wasn’t extremely big but he didn’t care about that. His gaze fell onto the big king-sized bed in the middle of the room, which had red sheets surrounded by a gold bed frame. But what caught his attention even more was the view. He slowly walked towards the floor-length window and let out a quiet _wow_. He could look over the whole skyline of the city. Dean walked up to him, slinging his arms around Castiel’s waist and resting his head on Castiel’s shoulder. 

“That’s awesome,” he exclaimed. 

“It really is,” Cas agreed.

They spent the rest of the day, walking around in the city and exploring a lot of the sightseeing places like _Walk of Fame_ or the _Santa Monica Pier_ , taking a lot of pictures to remember these events and to show to their friends and family. They decided to have dinner in a small restaurant near their hotel. The food was delicious and they both spent a lot of time just talking and having a good time in general. 

Back at the hotel, they went to bed almost immediately, both exhausted from the flight and their activities. The next day went by the same, just visiting famous places and walking through the beautiful city, enjoying the sun and the freedom the city seemed to radiate. 

They were sitting at the Pier, drinking a whiskey each, when Dean spoke up.

“It’s really beautiful here.” Cas looked up from his drink, eyes focusing on Dean.

“Yes it is. I still can’t really believe that we are here. Or that tomorrow is going to be our last day, which isn’t even a full day since our flight is at 8:30 pm,” he said sadly.

“I know it sucks but at least we can enjoy the last night here,” Dean told him with a sheepish grin. Cas nodded in agreement before taking another sip from his drink. They were waiting for a taxi, Cas leaning against Dean, his suit jacket slung tightly around him, regretting not having brought a warmer one.

“Hey you okay?” Dean asked looking down at him.

“Yea it’s just a little cold,” the blue-eyed boy admitted with a small smile. Dean looked at him for a few more seconds before shrugging of his coat and offering it to Cas.

“Here take it,” he told Castiel with a smile playing at the corners of his lips.

“No Dean it’s fine I don’t-,”

“Just take it Cas. I don’t want you to catch a cold,” the green-eyed boy interrupted him. Cas knew how stubborn Dean could be and so he put the jacket on, smiling gratefully at Dean. Soon after, their taxi arrived and they drove to their hotel, holding hands the whole time.

The moment Dean closed the hotel room door, Cas pushed him against it crushing their lips together. Dean melted into the kiss, his tongue plunging into Castiel's mouth exploring it. Castiel’s hand combed through his hair, pulling him even closer, Dean’s hands resting on his hips. A soft moan escaped Dean’s mouth as Cas pushed him even harder against the door. Dean broke off their kiss, looking into Castiel’s eyes. 

“Cas what has gotten into you?” he asked slightly out of breath. Cas didn’t respond and just kissed him again. Dean had to pull away again, his hands on Castiel’s shoulders.

“Cas what is going on?” he asked concerned. Cas averted his gaze looking at the floor before looking back into Dean’s eyes. 

“I have thought about it a lot, especially after the trial and everything and I think… no, I _know_ that I am ready…” he said. Dean though about that for a moment. 

“Are you really sure about that?” he asked still unsure. 

Cas nodded. ”Yes I am.”

“If you don’t want to do this we can stop at any time. You just have to tell me. I won’t be mad at you or something,” Dean told him sincerely.

“Fine,” Cas said before leaning forward and pressing his lips against Dean’s again. The green-eyed boys hands wandered to Castiel’s jacket throwing it to the ground. Cas did the same and soon they were only in their button up shirts. Suddenly Dean turned them around and now Cas was pressed against the door, a gasp escaping his lips. He grabbed the collar of Dean’s shirt drawing him closer. Dean’s leg found it’s way between Castiel’s, making Cas moan at the friction. Dean’s leg stayed there as his hands wandered to the hem of Castiel’s shirt, searching for permission before unbuttoning it slowly. When he had finished he discarded it to the rest of their clothes. His hands roamed now over Castiel’s bare chest, fingers ghosting over his arms. Castiel tried to do the same but Dean grabbed his wrist before he was able to. Cas looked up, a questioning look on his face. Instead of answering Dean lifted Castiel up, the other boys legs slung tighty around Dean’s waist as he walked them to the bed, letting Castiel down gently before climbing on top of him. Dean leaned down, kissing Cas again before pulling away.

“Are you _really_ sure about this?” he asked again, still unsure. Castiel scooted back a little, his back against the headboard.

“Dean…,” he began, taking his hand, ”I am. Like I said, I’ve been thinking about this for such a long time and at first I wasn’t sure but I want to. I trust you and like you said, if I decide that I’m not comfortable anymore than we stop.” Dean averted his gaze, not looking at Cas anymore.

“Dean, hey, talk to me,” Cas insisted softly, putting a hand on his arm to get his attention. When Dean’s green eyes, met Castiel’s blue ones, there was pure trust in them.

“It’s just that I don’t want to hurt you and I know how scary this can be, for God’s sake, I’m afraid as well and…” he trailed of.

“Dean,” Castiel said in a gentle voice, “you won’t hurt me okay? If it’s uncomfortable then I’ll let you know. And being afraid or scared isn’t a bad thing. We’ll do it together and then it won’t be so scary anymore,” he soothed, reaching out a hand and caressing Dean’s cheek.

It was silent for a few seconds before Dean sighted, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips.

“Fine.” he said before Cas continued kissing Dean, who immediately leaned into the kiss, pulling Cas closer and back into a lying position. He started rocking his hips, grinding against each other. Cas let out a deep moan at the friction that was caused and Dean repeated the motion, a smirk on his lips. He pressed a few kisses onto Castiel’s jaw before trailing down to his neck, sucking at the sensitive skin there. Soon enough a hickey started forming and Dean licked over it, soothing the mark. He made his way to Castiel’s abdomen, hands roaming over muscles, as groans escaped the boy beneath him, Cas’s hands in Dean’s hair. Suddenly Cas remembered that Dean was still wearing his shirt and so he pulled him upwards, letting his hands wander to the first button. He slowly opened it, exposing the collarbone underneath the thin fabrik. He continued these slow motions as he unbuttoned the rest of the shirt and a smirk crept on his lips, seeing how crazy it made Dean. When he finished, he almost ripped it off of Dean and then he pushed him onto the mattress, starting to kiss and lick the now bare chest.

“Someone’s eager today,” Dean teased to which was replied by sucking at his neck, making sure to leave a mark Dean wouldn’t be able to cover up.

Dean moaned especially loud when Cas kissed the crook of his neck, which made Castiel suck at it harder, drawing another moan from the man beneath him. Hands were lightly scratching over the blue-eyed boys back, leaving red marks. Castiel suddenly felt the mattress underneath him before he realised that Dean had flipped them over again. Dean continued to trail kisses down Castiel’s chest until he had settled between his legs, hands wandering to the hem of the blue-eyed boys pants. Green eyes met blue, asking for permission. Cas nodded before lifting his hips in order to help Dean get his trousers off. With only slight hesitation Castiel’s pants landed on the ground. 

A loud moan escaped his lips and he let his head fall back, when Dean’s hand started palming his clothed cock. Castiel opened his eyes the moment Dean pulled Castiel’s boxers down, freeing his throbbing dick. Dean came up and kissed Cas a few times, continuing to grind against him, groaning before settling again between his thighs, taking Cas into his mouth. The blue-eyed boy groaned, the warmth unbelievable. Dean’s head started bobbing up and down and soon Castiel’s hands were in his brown hair, guiding him. When he opened his eyes again he saw that Dean was palming himself as well, so Cas pulled a little harder at his boyfriends hair, making him pull of. Dean looked at him questioningly but before he could say something Castiel’s hands wandered to the button of his jeans and he helped him get out of them together with his boxers. Dean was as aroused as he was, not so say even more when Cas pushed him back against the mattress and then proceed to take him in his mouth, humming around Dean’s member. Dean moaned at that and Cas had to admit that he like the sound of that. They spent a lot of time sucking each other off and just enjoying every moment of it. 

“One second,” Dean told him before leaving the bed and coming back after a few seconds, a condom and a small bottle of lube in hand. Cas looked at him questioningly. 

“You had planned this hadn’t you?” he asked with a smirk.

“Well, I was hoping it would happen,” he admitted with a sheepish grin. He settled between Castiel’s legs again, opening the bottle and squeezing a generous amount onto his fingers before circling Castiel’s entrance.

“Are you sure?” he asked again and Cas just groaned annoyed.

“Yes.” Dean slid one finger in, making Cas moan again. He waited only a few seconds before starting to move.  He soon added another finger, scissoring Cas open. When he hit Castiel’s prostate, the man beneath him let out a loud groan, his hips pushing upwards. Dean didn’t hesitate and hit that spot relentlessly, Cas feeling warmth gather at his stomach.

“Dean,” he breathed, opening his eyes, ”I need you,” he exclaimed, sounding really fucking needy but he didn’t care at that moment, the only thing in his mind was the pleasure caused by Dean. So Dean pulled his fingers away, Cas whining at the loss. He watched as Dean rolled the condom over his cock, squeezing some lube into his hand and stroking himself a few times, moaning at the friction. He lined himself up with Castiel’s hole but didn’t push in yet. 

“Cas?” he asked and when Cas didn’t respond he shifted so that his face was only inches away from Castiel’s. 

“Are you okay?” he asked concerned. Cas looked back into Dean’s eyes, blue orbs filled with lust and passion. 

“Yes Dean, I am,” he assured Dean, kissing him passionately. The other boy responded by deepening the kiss, his tongue diving into Castiel’s mouth, exploring the heat and wetness. He then trailed down until he alined himself with Castiel’s entrance again. 

Cas felt the blunt pressure of Dean’s dick push into him and despite the slight pain he felt, his body instantly relaxed and he let himself get lost in the pleasures Dean was causing him.  Dean let out a deep groan when he was buried inside of Cas and after a few moments of adjustment he slowly started moving his hips shallowly. He moved out and pushed in, almost painfully slow. Castiel’s legs were shaking and Cas let out moans and curses with every thrust. He pushed his hips back, meeting Dean who was making the same pleasurable noises.

“C’mon Dean, faster,” Cas commanded, gripping Dean’s hips tighter, as he tried to make him move faster. The other boy picked up his speed, and soon they were panting, exchanging wet kisses as they swallowed each others moans. Castiel could feel his orgasm sneak up on him and he told Dean to go even faster. Dean thrusted faster, harder, hitting that sweet spot every time. 

“Cas are you…?” Dean asked unable to form complete sentences. 

“Yes are you…?” he asked through panted breaths. 

“Yes,” Dean told him and with that he sped up even more. Cas came with Dean’s name falling of his lips, cum splattered between them. 

It took Dean only a few seconds before he came into the condom, almost screaming Castiel’s name. 

They were lying next to each other, both trying to calm down from their climax. Dean searched for Castiel’s hand intertwining their fingers. 

“That was awesome,” he said, looking at Cas.

“It was amazing, Dean,” the blue-eyed boy said, kissing Dean’s cheek softly. They laid in silence for a few moments before Dean spoke up.

“Cas?” he asked into the quiet room.

“Yea?”

“What are you thinking about?” he asked shifting so that he could have a better look at Cas. The blue-eyed boy turned to face Dean completely now.

“About when we first met,” he said, “how did you know that I liked boys?” Dean suddenly looked embarrassed a blush creeping up his face.

“Well, when I had first seen you at the tour a few weeks ago, I thought you looked kinda cute. I wasn’t going to embarrass myself so I did a bit of research and asked around, and well, rumors said that you liked boys,” he admitted, face flustered. Cas smiled at that.

“So you just took your chance?”

“Yup and as it turned out, it was the best decision I could have ever made,” he said, a grin spreading across his face. Leaning forwards he pressed his lips against Castiel’s, for a shy kiss. When they parted Cas laid his head onto Dean’s chest, letting out a deep breath.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” Dean said and soon they were both asleep, covers draped around their waists.

The next day went by faster than expected and the two boys were soon on the plane back home. 

Gabriel had offered to pick them up at the airport and after retrieving their bags, they walked to Gabe’s car holding hands. The two boys greeted the older Novak and then entered the car, Cas sitting shotgun. They were  talking animatedly about their trip and the things they saw, Gabe listening mostly, laughing at a few fun stories and throwing in some commentary. The ride was really pleasant and when they arrived at the Winchester’s house, Dean thanked Gabe again for the trip before leaving the car. 

The two brothers had been driving for about five minutes when Gabe spoke up.

“So…,” he started, looking at his younger brother, as they stopped at a red light.

“Yea?” Cas asked, clearly confused.

“Did you two…?” 

“What, what makes you think that we…?” he asked his face reddening as he averted his gaze.

“Cas you two have been staring at each other with so much happiness. Also you know that you didn’t hide those hickeys well,” Gabe told him teasingly, clearly amused at his little brother’s discomfort.

“Yea well, we did,” Cas admitted, knowing that there was no denying it now anyways.

“Okay,” was the only response his brother gave him before focusing back at the road. He dropped Cas of, telling him to get some sleep, before driving away. 

The next few weeks, it was already getting warmer as April approached, things were just awesome. Cas spent a lot of time with his friends, going outside, sometimes drinking a bit _too_ much, studying with Dean and helping Sam a little with his work for school. He was working a lot at the coffee shop, earning a good amount of money and even his boss looked happy with the work and effort Cas put into his job. Castiel had gotten the results of his exams back, on Monday. He had been walking to one of his classes, when he had seen a few people from his class, gather around a sheet of paper pinned at the wall. He approached them, heart racing. He had been so nervous and he didn’t want to fail any of his classes. When he was finally able to get a good look at the paper, eyes searching for his name.

 _Novak, Castiel A+ (100 percent)._ He read over the line over and over again, making sure that he wasn’t dreaming. He had passed with the highest grade possible and a big grin spread across his face. He texted Dean quickly before continuing to his class. That night he had celebrated with his friends at a bar a few miles out of town. It had been really fun and he had gotten pretty drunk, especially after Jo challenged him to a _‘who could drink more shots’_. He had won, though only through luck because when they decided to go home, Dean and Benny had to almost drag him to the Impala. 

Dean, his relationship with Dean was going great. Since L.A. they had slept with each other a lot of times, every time a little bit different that the one before.. 

Cas was truly happy and he could finally start letting go of his old demons and fears; of course the memories still lingered in the back of his mind but they didn’t affect him as much anymore. He still woke up, screaming and shaking sometimes, but Dean was always there, helping him calm down, making Castiel feel safe. Soon summer would come and they had decided to drive to the beach, just the two of them for a few days, relaxing and enjoying their time together, before they had to work again. 

It was the last day of university and in a few hours Cas would be sitting in the passenger's seat of the Impala, on his way to the coast. Castiel could hardly concentrate on his professor on his last class of the year, as he told them something about Shakespeare's style of poems. When the bell rang he quickly packed his stuff and almost ran out of class, not caring about what his professor was saying. 

At his apartment he packed his bag, taking all the essentials with him and then he heard the roar of the Impala in front of his window. He raced to the door, locking it before jumping into the passenger's seat.

“Hey,” Dean greeted.

“Hey,” Cas said back, a smile on his lips.

“You ready?” he asked happily. Cas nodded leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Dean’s lips. The green-eyed boy turned up the volume of the radio slightly, _Houses of the Holy by Led Zeppelin_ , playing in the background as he pulled out of Castiel’s driveway and onto the street, the back car leaving the small apartment behind. Cas intertwined their fingers before looking out the window at the passing cars. He though back at the events of the last year and how his live had changed. He would have never thought that he would find happiness within another person. Inside a person that truly _cared_ about him and who actually _loved_ him. At that thought he glanced over at Dean who had been watching him, and his smile widened. Yes he had definitely made the right decision, texting Dean all those months ago.

**Warning: NSFW Content**

  
  
Artwork by denizcollins on fanpop.com  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	21. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The road so far has been hard for Castiel and Dean but now it's all over and they are finally able to live in peace...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it. This is the last chapter of my story. After you read this it'll all be over. I hope the road was great and I hope you all had fun reading it. I am so grateful that I got to bring you along on this crazy story and just wanted to say thank you to everyone who helped me and who read this. So yea thanks, guys.

Six years later, Castiel’s life had changed even more. He had finished university and was now working as a published author. He was pretty successful with his book _Family doesn’t end with blood_ which was about his abusive past and also about the time he had met Dean. He changed the names and a few other things but tried to keep it as real as possible. Garth had also given him the coffee shop after he decided to live with his girlfriend. Dean had opened up his own garage together with Ash. It was called _The Roadhouse_ and Sam helped them as well when he wasn’t busy studying for law school. Dean and Cas had moved in together, living at the outskirts of town. Sam was living on campus since he had gotten a full ride and visited them on the holidays or sometimes on the weekend.

Castiel was sitting on the couch of their living room, writing some emails, when he heard the front door open and close after a few seconds. Dean walked into view, a big smile on his face.

“Hey, what got you into such a good mood?” he asked, standing up and kissing Dean when he was close enough. The other man leaned into the kiss, his hand wandering to Castiel’s cheek.

“Nothing,” he said as he pulled away. Cas raised an eyebrow at that but Dean just changed the topic.

“So do you have any plans for today?” 

“I don’t think so, why?” Cas asked clearly confused.

“I just thought we could go out and have dinner,” Dean told him, a big smile on his lips. Cas was still a little confused with Dean’s behavior but agreed nonetheless.

“Where do you plan on going?”

“You’ll see,” Dean said with a smirk before leaving the living room and walking upstairs. 

Castiel was buttoning up his shirt when Dean walked up behind him, wrapping his arms around Castiel’s waist. 

“Hey, you ready?” he asked and Cas nodded, grabbing his phone and pushing it into the pocket of his pants. The ride was silent, only the hum of the Impala's engine and the soft music, filled the small room of the car. Cas looked over at Dean and saw that he was gripping the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles were turning white. 

“Hey is everything alright?” he asked concerned. Dean turned around to face him, a smile on his lips that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Yes I’m fine,” he said trying to avoid Castiel’s gaze. He reached out and intertwined their fingers giving Dean’s hand a squeeze before looking outside the window again. Cas knew that Dean wouldn’t tell him what was on his mind if he was not ready for it, so he decided not to pressure him. 

“Where are we going?” he asked as they turned into a small street and stopped in front of a big building. Dean turned off the engine, looking at Cas who was clearly confused. The other man didn’t say anything and instead just exited the car. Castiel followed him asking him again, and again where they were but Dean ignored him, opening the door to the building and walking inside. Dean took his hand leading him up the stairs of the old and dark building. 

He stopped in front of a metal door, turning back around to Cas.

“Close your eyes,” he said demandingly. Cas did as he was told but couldn’t hold back the comment.

“You know there are easier ways of murdering someone like poisoning them for example.”

“Oh shut up,” Dean said as he opened the door and led Cas outside. The cool summer air hit the blue-eyed boys face as he tried not to stumble over his own feet. 

“Open them,” Dean said. Castiel’s breath caught in his throat as he saw the scene in front of him; a table was at the centre of the roof, a chair on each side. The table was covered with a white tablecloth and on top of it were two plates, glasses and a beautiful golden candle holder. 

“Dean this is beautiful,” he breathed out as he slowly walked up to the table, the other man right behind him. Dean pulled Castiel’s chair back before sitting down on his own, pulling out a lighter and lighting the candles. He proceeded to get a picnic basket and taking out two containers with soup, before pouring them into the bowls on top of the plates. Cas took a careful sip from his surprisingly warm soup, a sound of approval escaping his mouth.

“You like it?” Dean asked shyly.

“It’s great,” he exclaimed. They finished their soup and then Dean pulled out a few other containers with meat, rice and baked potatoes. They ate the meal as well, Cas praising Dean’s cooking skills, as they talked casually about everything that came to their mind. 

When it was time for dessert, Dean put a pie on the table, which Cas had to admit looked really delicious. Dean had gotten pretty quiet and when Cas looked at him he was staring at his hands, fumbling with his napkin.

The green-eyed man looked so lost in thought that Cas was afraid he would scare him if he spoke now. 

So instead he reached out, placing his hand over Dean’s stopping him from his movements.

“Dean what is going on? You have been behaving weird the whole day,” Cas said, voice soft. Dean didn’t look at him and just continued to look at his hands. 

“Dean,” he said, louder this time, startling him so much that his knife fell down. 

“Sorry,” Dean mumbled as he leaned down to grab the knife. What Dean did next, made Cas taking in a sharp breath. Dean was kneeling in front of him, a small blue box in one hand. Inside the box were two silver rings. 

“Cas,” Dean started looking directly into his partner's eyes,” from the moment I first was you, I knew you were special. The more I got to know you, the more I knew that I had been right. You _are_ special. Over time my feelings for you grew until I was sure that I had fallen in love with you. I fell in love with your eyes first, those beautiful blue orbs, I could get lost in. Soon I fell in love with your soul. You were so pure, even after everything that you have gone through. I’ll always be by your side, always and nothing can change the feelings I have for you. Will you, Castiel Novak, marry me?”

Cas was speechless, tears falling down his face. Nobody had ever said something so beautiful to him. His heart was racing as he continued to look at Dean. 

His eyes were filled with hope and love. Only then did Cas put all the pieces together; Dean’s weird behavior, the secret location. He had been planning this exact moment for what Cas thought, must be weeks. He focused back onto the man kneeling in front of him. A smile spreading across his face.

“Yes, Dean I want to marry you,” he said excitedly. Dean let out a sight of relieve before putting one of the rings on Castiel’s finger. The man admired it for a moment, taking in the plain yet pretty design of the ring. He then leaned forward, taking the other ring and putting it on Dean’s finger, before pulling him up and kissing him passionately. His tongue slid into Dean’s mouth almost immediately, making him groan. Castiel’s hands wandering to Dean’s sides, pulling him even closer. 

The green-eyed boys hands combed through his messy hair, as he pushed his lips harder against Castiel’s. They melted into each other, soft gasps escaping their mouths as they kept on kissing. Cas pulled away slightly, gazing into Dean’s eyes as he let himself get lost in them. 

“I love you,” Dean’s voice brought him back to reality. 

“I love you too,” Castiel whispered against the other man’s lips. They finished their meal, both glowing with excitement as they ate. 

They packed away everything and then went back to the Impala. Back at their house, and after calling their friends and family, they went straight to the bedroom, pulling at each others clothes. Cas didn’t think the night could get any better but it did. Laying in bed, both exhausted, Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist, curling closer towards him. The other man pressed a soft kiss against his hair, before wrapping an arm around Cas as well.

They spent the next months planning their wedding. Cas had asked Gabriel to be his best-man and Dean had obviously asked Sam, who agreed happily. Their friends were equally thrilled when they heard the news and promised to take a few days off work. The event came closer and Castiel’s anxiety grew; he hadn’t written his vows yet and the wedding was only a week away. He was sitting in his office when his phone vibrated once.

_Hey I thought we could go shopping. I still need a dress for the after party._

_I can’t. I have to write my vows._

_That sucks but you’re an amazing writer. You’ll do great._

_Thanks, have to get back to working now. Talk to you later._

_Talk later, bye._

Cas set his phone down and continued working. He was going to fuck up, he thought as he stared at the blank piece of paper in front of him. Dean had probably written something beautiful, filling the pages and Cas was sitting here, not having written a single word. How was he supposed to write down things, _feelings_ he didn’t know how to express. He may be a good writer but when it came down to it, he was _worthless_ . Castiel was thinking about this for _weeks_ , wrecking his brain to think of something, _something_ but he couldn’t.

A hand on his back, broke his train of thought, bringing him back to reality. 

“Hey, whoa I didn’t mean to scare you,” Dean said, a smile on his face. Cas blinked at him before talking, 

“No it’s fine. Sorry I was just thinking.” Forcing a smile, he stood up and pressed a kiss to Dean’s lips. 

“What were you doing?” he asked looking over Castiel’s shoulder onto the piece of paper on the table. 

“Nothing,” Cas lied but Dean knew he wasn’t telling the truth.

“Come here,” Dean said, taking Castiel's hand and leading him to the couch, “what is going on? You have been like this for weeks.” Cas looked at him confused, tilting his head.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, lost in thought and since I know that it’s not because of your novel, please tell me what is going on,” he demanded. Cas averted his gaze, looking anywhere but Dean. He was so ashamed. A few seconds past before he finally spoke.

“It’s about my… vows,” he admitted. He heard Dean breath out in relieve, chuckling lightly.

“That’s why you’ve been upset?” he asked. Cas nodded still not looking at his fiance. 

“Cas look at me, please,” Dean said and Castiel obliged, lifting his head and meeting Dean’s eyes. 

“Look Cas, it’s totally fine. I haven’t written almost anything either and I don’t mind that, you know why?” Cas shook his head, “because I love you and no matter how crappy my vows will be, that won’t change.” A smile started playing at the corners of Castiel’s lips.

“You know how cheesy that sounded, right?” he asked teasingly. Before he could react, Dean was pressing his lips against his, tongue licking over his bottom lip. Castiel’s arms wrapped around Dean’s neck as he was softly laid down onto the sofa. Dean’s tongue slid into his mouth, circling his own, as they continued to kiss passionately. Dean started grinding against him, pressing their crotches together, both moaning at the friction. Castiel’s hand went to the other man's shirt, unbuttoning the first button, exposing his collarbone. Dean went on to kiss his jaw and then his neck, sucking hard. 

Before Dean could suck a hickey into Castiel’s skin, the doorbell rang and they pulled away quickly, lips swollen and both panting slightly. Dean helped Cas sit up before he went to answer the door. He heard another voice and soon Jo was standing in their living room. 

“Hey,” Cas greeted, walking up to her and giving her a hug. The three adults sat down on the couch, Dean and Cas leaving a bit of space between them.

“Did I interrupt something? You look out of breath,” Jo asked concerned. Castiel could feel a hot blush creep up his face as he averted his gaze. Dean must have done the same because he heard the blond chuckle.

“Oh I understand. Sorry guys but this is important. So you know my boss Roman? Yea well he is a dick,” she said, anger flaring up in her voice, “today Charlie came by my work with Dorothy. I was busy at the register, so I couldn’t greet her immediately. They sat down at a booth together and they were holding hands, and then I hear that jerk say something like, how disgusting they shouldn't be holding hands. I glared at him, filled with rage. I would have said something but I didn’t want to lose my job and..” she stopped gathering her thoughts, taking a few breaths before continuing, “anyways he has said some other stuff over the past as well, like how women shouldn’t be fighting for their rights and should just be happy with what they have or that people _choose_ to be part of the LGBTQA+ community. I always ignored him because well he’s a dick but today was enough. Insulting my friends? That was too much,” Jo concluded, letting herself fall back into the chair.

“He even walked up to them, asking if they could be more discreet,” she added. 

Cas was feeling anger rise up in him as well and after looking at Dean, he saw that he was feeling the same. Cas set on to say something when the doorbell rang again. He quickly exchanged a look with Dean before standing up and walking to the door. Charlie and Dorothy were standing in front of him, both filled with rage.   
“Hey guys come in,” he greeted but the two girls just walked past him and into the living room as well. Cas followed them and sat back down. 

“I just told them,” Jo said to the couple who took a seat across from the two boys. 

“I hate this guy,” Charlie exclaimed furiously. 

“Okay guys calm down,” Dean said before Charlie could say something else, “first of all, this Roman is a jerk He clearly doesn’t respect anything that’s not _‘normal’_.” 

“Actually that’s not true. In nature there are over 1500 species that have same-sex couples and there are also animals where the female is the highest in their hierarchy. In a school of clownfish for example the female is the biggest fish, she’s also the only female, and if she dies the next biggest male fish, turns into a female and is then their new leader,” Cas said, looking at them. 

“Smartass,” Dean said teasingly before focusing back on the situation.

“I think you should quit.” 

“I thought about that as well but I don’t have another job,” Jo told them thoughtfully. Silence filled the room for a few seconds before Dean cleared his throat.

“You could work at the garage,” he suggested. Cas saw Jo’s face light up with hope and excitement.

“Really? Because I don’t know much about cars,”

“Don’t worry. You’ll learn.”

“Awesome,” Charlie said, the first thing she had said the whole time. 

“We should celebrate,” Dorothy told them and before they knew it, each of them had downed at least three beers. Their friends left a few hours later, Jo thanking Dean again for his offer. Closing the door, Cas leaned against it, exhausted. Dean walked up to him one arm next to Castiel’s head as he looked down at him, a smirk on his lips. 

“What do you say we continue what we started earlier?” he asked suggestively. A grin spread across Castiel’s face, as he looked at Dean through hooded eyes. 

“I say we should,” he said leaning forward and kissing Dean softly. Cas felt Dean’s hands roam his sides, resting on his hips. His own hands went up to the other man’s back and under his shirt, drawing lazy circles over his bare skin. Dean moaned into the kiss and Cas swallowed his moan, pressing harder against him. Dean pulled away slightly.

“What do you say we move this to the bedroom?” he asked and before Cas could answer, Dean was pulling him along, a hand around his wrist. 

Castiel was standing outside the room where the ceremony would be held. His heart was racing and he was super nervous. In five minutes he would walk through those door and marry the man he loved. He suddenly felt that his suit was way too tight and hot and that he couldn’t breath. 

“Hey relax,” Anna told him who must have noticed his anxiety, “everything will be fine,” she assured him. 

“I know but I’m still way too nervous. What if something doesn’t go as planned or what if I accidentally trip and fall or what if Dean doesn’t want to marry me after all or what if…” he trailed of. Anna put a hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him down.

“Cas,” she said firmly, “listen to me. First of all nothing will go wrong. Second you won’t fall because I will be holding you and lastly, do you really think that Dean wouldn't want to marry you?” 

“No,” Cas said embarrassed about his irrational thoughts, a blush creeping up his face.

“See? So just take a few deep breaths.” Cas did as he was told and suddenly the doors opened. His heart started hammering even louder in his body. He took one last deep breath before he linked his arm with Anna’s and started walking down the aisle. He looked at the crowd, friends and family all gathered around, looking at him. The song he had chosen to play when he would enter the room was _War of hearts by Ruelle_ . When he arrived at the front and Anna let him go to sit down next to their friends, he looked at Gabe who gave him an encouraging and happy smile. A few moments later the song changed and Dean walked in with Charlie by his side. The song _A drop in the ocean by Ron Pope_ was playing and Castiel’s eyes started filling with tears but he blinked them away, as Dean approached, a grin on his lips. 

“Hey,” he whispered when he was standing in front of Cas.

“Hey,” he said back, both smiling goofily. The officiant started speaking, addressing the room. She went through the formal things pretty quickly and soon it was time for the vows.

“Castiel would you like to start?” she asked  him. Cas looked at her nodding before locking eyes with Dean. 

“Dean, I fell in love with you the moment I saw you, almost six and a half years ago. I never thought that I would even talk to you but then you made the first move. I still remember the shy smile on your lips. A few weeks later, and after already going through a lot, we were together. You were there when nobody else was and everything in my life was falling apart. You helped me grow and put the pieces of my broken soul back together. Each day that passes, I love you more. You make me feel whole again, like our souls were meant to be together. We have both been through a lot in our lives but I promise you Dean Winchester that I’ll always be there for you, no matter what because I love you and I can’t imagine sharing the rest of my life with anybody else,” Cas concluded. Tears were running down Dean’s face, a gorgeous smile on his lips as he wiped away the wet dots on his cheeks.

“Dean,” the woman said, addressing the other man. Dean cleared his throat before looking into Castiel’s blue orbs.

“Castiel, I when I first saw you, I knew that you were special. I couldn’t explain why but I felt like I needed to meet you, so I took all my courage and gave you that coffee. I am so lucky and happy that you didn’t turn me down and I got to know the beautiful person you are. 

“I know your past was anything but easy. That didn’t prevent you though from becoming such a strong and independent person. 

I remember that once you said that you must be cursed because nothing good ever happens to you. Back then I didn’t know how to respond but now I do; I’d rather have you, cursed or not, than anybody else. You make me a better person and for that I wanted to thank you. I need you and I’ll never leave you. _Ever_.” 

Dean finished his vows, tears running down Castiel’s face freely at this point. Cas wanted to reach out and take his hand, intertwining their fingers but he tried to control himself, wiping away the tears on his cheeks. Dean’s voice had been shaking the whole time and even though he hid it pretty well, Cas knew that he tried not to cry himself.  

“And now,” the officiant said, making Cas look back at her, ”Castiel, do you take Dean to be your husband? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect him, forsaking all others, and holding only unto him forevermore?” she asked Cas.

“I do,” he said a smile appearing on his lips as he looked to Dean.

“And Dean, do you take Castiel to be your husband? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect him, forsaking all others, and holding only unto him forevermore?” she asked the other man. Dean turned towards Cas, a grin on his face.

“I do.”  

“Castiel and Dean will now exchange rings as a symbol of love and commitment to each other,” the officiant said. That was Sam’s cue who walked up to them, giving the box with the two rings to his older brother.

“Your wedding rings are special; they enhance who you are. They mark the beginning of your long journey together. Your wedding ring is a circle, a symbol of love never ending. It is the seal of the vows you have just taken to love each other without end.

“Castiel, please place the ring on Dean’s left hand and repeat after me,” and so Castiel repeated the words he’d always wanted to say as he slid the ring onto Dean’s finger.

“As a sign of my love,

that I have chosen you,

above all else,

with this ring, I thee wed.”

Now it was Dean’s turn and he could see his hand shake as he took the ring into his hand.“And Dean, please place the ring on Castiel’s left hand and repeat after me.” Castiel locked eyes with Dean who looked at him with pure love as he spoke the following words.

“As a sign of love,

that I have chosen you,

above all else,

with this ring, I thee wed,” Dean concluded, not letting go of Castiel’s hand immediately and just staring into his eyes. The officiant’s voice made both men look at her.

“And now by the power vested in me by the Kansas Church of God, it is my honor and delight to declare you husband and husband. Go forth and live each day to the fullest. You may seal this declaration with a kiss.” 

The moment she finished talking, Cas leaned forward, pressing his lips against Dean’s. He could feel the tears run down the other man's face as they trailed down and between their lips. He didn’t mind that at all and instead continued, Dean smiling against Castiel’s lips. He wanted to deepen the kiss even more, until he remembered where they were. So he reluctantly pulled away, face only inches away from his husband.

“I love you so goddamn much,” Dean whispered, a bright grin on his face. Cas had to laugh at that.

“I love you too but you know that we are at a church right?” he asked happily but instead of answering he just kissed Cas again. After the two men had finally pulled away, they turned to their friends and family, who were all clapping and cheering, happy to see them finally married. The couple walked out of the room, hand in hand, smiling stupidly.

The after party was awesome. Cas hadn't had such a great time, in years. After the first dance of the night, which the couple danced to Hey Jude by the Beatles, honoring Dean’s mother who used to sing this to Dean when he was younger, everybody got on the dancefloor, moving along to the music. Cas was already a little drunk by the time they cut the cake. To Castiel’s defense it wasn’t his fault. 

Before they had gotten to the venue, Dean had stopped the Impala at a field and they had shared some champagne on the hood of the car.

The night was great and the last guests left at around 4 am in the morning. Sam had to drive the newly wedded couple home since he hadn't been drinking, which Cas was grateful for since Gabriel was as hammered as he was. 

Back at their house, Cas was lead to the bedroom by Dean. They would leave tomorrow for their Honeymoon. 

Dean pulled him close by his tie before crushing their lips together, hands flying up to Castiel’s sides. Cas leaned into the kiss, hands wandering to Dean’s suit jacket, helping him get rid of it, never breaking their kiss. 

“God I love you,” Dean said between kisses, as he shrugged of Castiel’s jacket. Castiel’s tongue plunged into the green-eyed boys mouth, drawing a moan from him. Soon they had gotten rid of most of their clothes, Cas on top of Dean, only in his boxers. Dean’s hands wandered to the waistband of his shorts but Cas stopped him,  grabbing his wrist.

“What?” the man underneath him asked confused. 

“I thought we had agreed on sleeping together on the first night of our honeymoon,” Cas said.

“Who said that?” he asked, words slurring a little. Castiel smiled softly at that.

“You,” he said leaning down and kissing him softly before rolling off of him, laying next to Dean.

“Stupid me,” he whined. Cas reached out and interlocked their fingers. 

“Don’t say that and you know it’s a good idea,” Cas told him, cuddling closer to the man next to him. Dean pulled him closer, placing an arm around his waist. He hummed in agreement and soon they had both fallen asleep, exhausted from the long day and the alcohol.

The next day, they were sitting in the Impala on their way to the airport. Sam and Jess decided to accompany them. The drive was pleasant, with them joking around and talking about the previous day. 

Arriving at the airport, all of them exited the car and Dean went to the trunk to get their belongings. They farewelled Sam and Jess, hugging them tightly before walking towards the big building, hands intertwined. 

  


Fanart by unknown


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